Sunday, November 20, 2005

Home for the holidays, one holiday at a time.

I am visiting my parents for Thanksgiving. My work ( gave me the week off of work so I could spend more time with my family. I took my dad to chruch this morning. I found a small church online. Calvary Chapel Livermore seems to have a congregation of about 25 and the Pastor (Mike) used to be a cop in Stockton. He teaches the Word of God straight from the Bible and the church activities consist of Bible Study, prayer, and fellowship (with food). Seems like a good church to me. I walked in the sactuary and immedietly felt like home. I even knew the words to the songs. (overhead) My dad seemed to be a little restless through the message, but did stay around and talk some afterwards. I'm praying that he'll want to go even when I'm not here but I don't think that will happen just yet. On the up side, I've found a place where I know I can go and worship and fellowship when I'm in the bay area on a Sunday morning. Coming home usually consists of a dry spiritual time because I spent so many years here as a non-Christian. It's way too easy to fall back in those "let's not make waves" tendencies. If it wasn't for my family, I wouldn't really come back here at all.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Who say that God doesn't answer prayers?

I've been praying lately to get up earlier so that I can get to work
earlier, and this morning, five minutes before my alarm went off, I
had a bloody nose. It got me up. God is very creative, I wouldn't
have thought He would answer my prayer this way. I wonder what He'll
do tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


A friend of mine just called from Seattle. She wanted to tell me an idea she had for a story. Her enthusiasm inspired my interest in a story I started a while back and put away "for now" which means a long time. I want to start that up again, but I have a problem... I'm lazy and I have a big hurtlke to get over before I can carry on. It will take a few hours at least, maybe evben many. What I need to do is set aside a day... maybe saturday, to get over it. After that, it is just a few pages a day, and not even everyday. If you know me, please try to keep me accountable to this. If I can get this all done in a day (or significantly started) the inertia should carry me quite a ways. Also, I had a cool dream last night, check it out in my dream blog.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Happy Tuesday

Okay, so it is officially Wednesday, but I've been extremely productive the past couple of days. I wasn't at the top of my game, but it has been a big improvement over the last few weeks. So what happened...? Well let's trace it backwards. Today I worked a full eight hours without taking a break. I got a lot done. It was busy at work too. Before that, I well... I slept in, like always. But yesterday (Halloween), I worked three jobs. I woke up and worked at my computer job till five-thirty, then I babysat till after ten, then I answered emails for another job that I'm doing temporary. After that I went to bed. Sunday I went to church, came back and slept. Saturday was Babysitting, movie editing, go to dinner at someone's house. I don't remember Friday... oh yeah, I worked and went to dinner with some people and worshipped with others.


I think that what keeps me going is being busy. It's okay to rest, but I have to earn it. God created the universe in six days and rested on the seventh. I should follow his example and rest once I have worked hard, not just when I feel like it. That allows me to be lazy. I've discovered that I like to sleep in no matter what time I go to bed, so instead, I'm just going to work hard until I can't stay awake any longer. If I can force myself, or find accountability, to get up in the mornings, that time should be earlier and earlier until I'm on a normal person's schedule. If I need it, I'll have sundays to rest... except the 13th. I'm babysitting.

So I wonder how hard I should work? I mean, should I schedule myself to work so much that I would have to rely on God to perform daily miracles to keep me going? Or should I just sign up for a moderate load and thank God for not making me do it. It's not for the money. I have enough working 30 hours a week at my computer job. It's just that other people need help, or there are oppurtunities that I can tap into.
1) I do not want to give up the computer job. Not only is it good money for easy (physically speaking) work. I want to keep up the thirty hours a week. Not only does it give me a finacial base, but if I work less than thirty hours, the outgoing outnumbers the incoming, and the business sufficates. I'm not saying that it will die without me, but others would have to cease or at least sacrifice part of their education to keep it alive. They hired me so they wouldn't have to do that. I also listen to the Bible on mp3 and sermons while I work. Working alone gives you that freedom. I've grown a lot while packing boxes.
2) I first took up babysitting because I wasn't making enough money to live off of. I made enough to pay the bills, but not enough to eat, so I took up babysitting. I babysit this kid who has two parents that both work in retail. This means working nights and weekends on a regular basis. When they are both scheduled, I babysit. I've been doing it for about three and a half years. They could have built the temple of Solomon in that time. I feel sorry for the kid because he spends a lot of time without one or both of his parents. I don't want to quit that job because I don't want the kid to think that peopole are going to leave him behind because they found something better. That makes me think of something else. If I remember, I'll address it later. If I forget, remind me. I also have learned a lot about my relationship with God while taking care of a child who isn't my biological son. I've learned what it means to love someone who only cares about satisfying his own desires, no matter how short or shallow they are. He's a kid. I know that he's imperfect, and has not learned yet that the world isn't about getting what you want. Or at least life isn't. (He didn't like how I made him carry his own bag on Holloween.)
3) I'm taking care of my friend's business. It's just answering his cell phone and emails, explaining that he's gone and scheduling meetings for him when he gets back and such. I'm learning how to be humble, to accept others responsibilities on myself and their problems, so they can go off and spend a great time in their new found love and in the presence of the Lord. (They just got married and are on their honeymoon.) I'm not bitter about this at all, but am gladly facing what they should so they can take the time to enjoy each other in the Lord. I'm working so they don't have to, and that brings a joy beyond any work that I am doing.
4) My parents (mom) have been asking me about moving on with my life, ie finding a better job and... well... we'll stick with the job thing for now. We had previously talked about me becoming a sub because that only takes one test and I don't wnat to go back to school right now. (I honestly don't want to go back unless I can afford it on my own). I was introduced to a teacher that runs a homeschool next door to my computer job. They use subs. I've been advised by a couple people to think about that as a viable option. I've thought about it before, but put aside as not important for now.
5)Barnes andNoble has asked me to come back for at least 10 hours a week. They are behind (as typical this time of year) and the guy who took my place got a better job and is leaving for that. I care about the people at Barnes and Noble and want to help them out, but I don't know if I should.

I am praying for wisdom on when to say yes and when to say no. I love to say yes and be the hero that goes in and saves someone. I dream about it all the time. I don't want to do it out of pride. I don't want to try to do more than God allows me to handle. I want to be a blessing, but I know I can't if I try to do everything on my own strength. Please pray for me. I don't know what to do.

The other thing I said that I was going to write about later:
I want to be bolder with my family about Jesus. I do not want them to think I abandoned them for something better. Jesus is better, but I am not abandoning my family. I'm being the first. The first to step aboard the ship that will save us and saying that everything on board is good. I am going to go home for Thanksgiving for a whole week. I want that time to be spent as a mission trip. My focus is on my father. He is retired, watches televison all day, goes to bed earlier, sleeps in later, takes naps, smokes more, drinks more. Exercises consist of walking the dog to the street corner and back twice a day if the wether is nice. That's his life. He's not old. Not supposed to be. I believe that he's the first one to focus on. I don't want to say why. Let's just say that day dreams and visions and fantasies are not always pleasant. Please pray for him. Please pray or me.

Remind me sometime to write a blog called looking ahead.


I hvae a spllenig defishancy.


I have two elbows... one on each arm.