Sunday, December 18, 2005

More of something I didn't type before.

I want to make a movie about me
so that people can know the way I think
and perhaps why I am the way I am
but why do I want that?

I don't know.

I wish I could organize my brain like I can my computer.
I wish I would organize my computer.

When I type, I use spaces.
I t b r e a k s u p t h e w o r d s .
whenitalkidontusespaces
butthewordsarestillseparateandinorder
buthtouaghtsrneoitnordearnthdeaylrlutongether

I want to know how to control my mind like a sound man mixes on the board.
How powerful could I be if I had the ability to live out my potential.

I want to write everything a d n thi g, to live a life that seems productive.
But productive in what way?
To invlove the world? To change it? Make it better?
Or to further the Kingdom of God.
I know which is the nobler goal.
My full desires are not yet known.
And temptation has not yet subsided.

God gives sleep to those He loves.
Yet we are not supposed to love it.
We are to love as God loves, and if we love to be comfortable...
God does not love comfort. He wouldn't die for Himself to be comfortable.
He died for us. He loves us. And we ought to love one another
because He loves us. We ought to put our lives down or each other
so that we may not be slaves to sin, but sons of righteousness.

Do you want to do things because they're right? Or do you want to do right things because God rewards righteousness. I believe that God rewards righteousness because He is Just (not to mention merciful and graceful for bringing us to a place of righteousness in the first place) and not to entice us to do good.

Us doing good is not God's goal. It is just what happens when we have a good relationship with God. And that is what He wants.

I also want to write on the Trinity and Service as an overflow of the heart and advice vs. help

My dad thinks that since I read the Bible, that I'm going to become a Minister or Reverend or Pastor. I'm not saying that God won't make me, but I don't see that happening. If God has that in store for me, He has hidden it from my foresight. Perhaps I should write about foresight too... oh and how ignoreing people causes ignorance and that ignorance is not an excuse because it is willful. I could site 1 Samuel 15 for that one.

I have the desire to teach the truths of God. I do not have the desire to build and pastor a church. I do not have the desire to hear complaints and accept them as reasons. I have a desire for truth, and the truth is, that God is everything. And if you don't believe in Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, life for you is worse than the illusion you have of death. I call it an illusion because when a non-Christian dies, the hope is gone because the age uncertainty is past. You cannot have faith in something you can see. I know that this means that as it stands now, people I love, of my own family, are going to hell. And there seems to be nothing I can do to convince them otherwise. It's not my job, to turn them. It's my job to be there to point them in the right direction when they do turn.

But from now till then is uncertain. And as long as I am uncertain, it is difficult to see their repentance. Until I can see, I must have faith. Without faith, all I have is blindness.

It makes sense more if you don't think about it.

So don't think... ask.

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