Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I am the Sabrot

I carry around with me a little book bag I got at the dollar store. It's olive green and I've had my mom paint Sabrot on it along with the little owl. The Sabrot was a magazine that I had a while ago to publish some of my stories, poetry, and other writings. It was fun, but too much work and expensive for me to keep up on my own. Tonight, while I was reading some biography books, (Traveling Mercies and Blue Like Jazz (yes, I was reading two of them at the same time (not really at the same time, but a chapter in this one and then a chapter in that one))) I came to the realization that I'm the Sabrot. It's like a made up name for me. It housed my thoughts, both the ones that made sense and the ones that don't. My life is too much work and too expensive to keep up on my own, especially with all the projects and ideas that I get. The owl is a good symbol for me. I like to stay up all night and sleep all day. I refer to my bed as my nest (I really do, since it is on the floor and I surround myself with pillows at night so I know where the edge of the bed is when I'm sleeping and rolling.) I don't make noise when I fly. I cough up the bones of the rats I eat in little pellets... okay, so that's not completely true. I only like to sleep for half of the day, but it's the first half.

Now that my discovery is in writing, it doesn't seem as important to me as it was in the bookstore when I discovered it. That's kind of a let down... anyway, I guess I'll just get back to life.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

So I have a new job

God has proven Himself faithful again. I didn't have any doubt this time, but He proved Himself anyway. I am now the newest employee at Calvary Chapel Chico. I went to my first Staff Meeting today and was introduced as a replacement for Michelle, who wrote a two page statement on why she was leaving (going to school in Tennessee) and how much she would miss everyone (very much) and how God told her to go. (You can ask her.)

When God told me to come up here, I left everything. I slept on a couch for a week. I've juggled finances down to under $5. I lived on noodles and rice for a little while. But through the trial, God has provided a place to live that's cheap, comfortable, and allows Snaps free reign of the place. I became a Substitute teacher and can afford to eat more and nicer foods... like meat. I have even been able to feed a few other people here and there.

Now all of that is good, but what I consider great is what He has provided for me at Calvary Chapel Chico. I have been able to get involved with Church as a helper and a teacher in Children's Ministry and a leader in the High School Ministry and it has been a great place to use the gifts God has given me. But when I came up here, I came up here with the idea of doing ministry all the time. I was tired of waiting until 5:00 to serve God. So when I came up here, I told everyone that I wanted to be in full time ministry and I would like to work at church. They told me that there weren't any openings, but they didn't know that Michelle had decided to leave. I didn't know either, but God did. He knew and was planning on it the entire time. He had me move up here in time to develop these relationships so that when Michelle told the Pastors, they just knew who they should hire to take her place. I had been serving in those ministries since I moved up here and I was available, but not desparate. I was expecting to keep subbing until God showed me something else, and now He has. It's like a jigsaw puzzle (I'm currently putting one together. I'm almost done with it.) and He just placed another piece of the puzzle that is my story of how cool He is and how I am being made perfect through the patience that comes from the trials I endure because of the faith that I have in Jesus being God who died and rose again so that I could be made perfect. One day, that puzzle will be complete (I hope to finish my puzzle tomorrow or Thursday) and the picture you'll see won't be me, nor will it be my life, but it will be God. By then, He and I will finally be one like Jesus is praying in John 17:21. That will be a glorious day.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

My Two Dreams

I had a couple of weird dreams last night.

The first one I had was about a suicidal dog named Jamie. He wasn't just a dog. He could go back and forth between a brown scraggly dog and a person. He was really smart. He rigged a presidential election in the past. I am not going to tell you which one. It's not the one you think. He was thinking about doing it a second time and used a chip from his collar. I put the chip there because I thought it looked cool, since he was all smart and all, but I didn't know what it was for. I wasn't the smart one, Jamie was. However, Jamie felt bad for being such an evil person/dog and decided to kill himself to make the world a better place. So he started building a rocket powered kite, which he was going to use to fly off and crash somewhere. Then someone suggested that we just drive him out somewhere and run over him with the truck. I, of course, was against it. Even though he was an evil human/dog creature, I still loved him because he was my pet. I didn't want him to die. I told him that he could just use his smartyness (I told you I wasn't the smart one in this dream) for good instead. I woke up then, looked at theclock, realized that it was still too early to get up, and my own real life dog (named Snaps and cannot turn into a human and rig presidential elections) was still sleeping at my feet hopefully neither wanting to die or crafting elaborate plans for a kamikase rocket kite.

The second dream I had inolve a family that was not my own, but that's okay, because I wasn't me. I was some chubby kid with a buzz cut and twleve. I had a mom and dad (who weren't my parent's in real life) and a sister. (I don't have any real sisters and in the dream, she was about 16 or 17.) My sister was indestructible... and combustible; which isn't good especially mixed with a short temper. Anyway, she was fighting with dad again over something stupid again and her face was getting red again, so mom and I grabbed dad and pulled him out o the house. We got into the truck and started driving (it was a blue pickup) and then the house blew up. Dad wanted to go back, but we were scared and told him to keep driving. We looked back and Sister was coming after us in an El Camino. Burning debris was in the back her car. She was driving like she always did. CRAZY!
She chased us through town and ran us over the edge into the water. I think it was the ocean, but I'm not sure. She changed her mind and helped pull us out of the pickup. My parents were all happy that she saved us and acted like she didn't just blow up our house again. I wasn't so happy about it and stole off in a rowboat by myself to pout. The Water Ranger... Life guard in real life... started yelling at me about the mouse in the water. It wasn't an ordinary mouse, and I hadn't ever seen one of these mice before, btu I knew I didn't want to. My sister, anger spent, swam out to try and get it. For some reason, I didn't have an oar with me in the rowboat, but a pitchfork, which isn't very handy for rowing, but comes in useful in the happenstance of giant mice swiming near your boat. I stabbed the water a few times, but couldn't catch him. He escaped on land and ran off. I decided that I was going to catch him, mostly because I was angry at my sister for blowing up our house again and my parents for being okay with it. I finally found him and cornered him. I still had my pitchfork and approached him slowly. He was an odd mouse, not because he was the size of a cat, though he was. He was an odd mouse, not because he didn't have any fur, though he didn't. He was an odd mouse mostly because he didn't have any skin either, or blood, but his muscles were showing and the fibers were having problems sticking together when not constricted. Imagine you reach into a pot of water and pull up a handful of spaghetti. Kinda gross, huh? Well... I speared him, and as I picked him up on the end of the pitchfork, he screamed and thrashed and was no closer to dying than he had been a minute before. He was trying to get off, so I bonked him into the wall. It wasn't a hard bonk, but when I did, he got fluffy and cute. Once he regained his focus, he was skinless and mean again so I bonked him again... harder. He stayed cute longer because he was unfocused longer. Ths gave me an idea. I walked though town bonking him over and over until he was so cute and fluffy, I sold him to my worst enemy for $10. I felt pretty good about this until I heard my enemy scream because the cute fluffy mouse turned into the large skinless one and was terrorizing him like I thought he might. I woke up thinking that the one thing worse than having an enemy is treating him like one. I immediately reached for my Bible and read Matthew 5 where Jesus tells us to love our enemies. Can I repent for something I did in a dream when I wasn't even me in the dream? I did anyway.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

On arguing with your parents

Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. They’ll argue back. They have to. They wouldn’t be good parents if they just let you did whatever you felt like all the time. They have to constantly point you back to the line between good and bad and tell you that you’re too close. You think you can handle it. You’ll get close, but won’t cross over. They don’t believe you. That’s okay. Listen to them. Submit to them. Submitting doesn’t mean anything when you agree. When you disagree and still do what you’re told, that’s submission. They just want to keep you safe. They see danger or even the temptation of danger and they want to keep you away from it. They love you. They always will. If they didn’t love you, they’d let you do it. You are being selfish when you argue. You are telling them that you don’t respect their judgement and yelling at them hurts them. Even if they are being unfair, don’t argue. Jesus died for your sins. That wasn’t fair. He shouldn’t have to do that. If He can take that unfairness, you can take a little from my parents. So you don’t get to go hang out with your friends or see that movie. Your friends understand that you want to be a good child. If they don’t, then they aren’t good enough to be your friends. you don’t want selfish friends. You want selfless friends. A selfless friend always gets taken advantage when he is friends with a selfish person. Parents can see this and they tell you who you should and shouldn’t be friends with. You should listen to them. They aren’t trying to hurt you. They aren’t trying to ruin your reputation. They aren’t trying to make you uncool. They are trying to teach you what really matters. To reach out to befriend the friendless and not care what selfish people think. They are only trying to take advantage of you anyway. You shouldn’t argue with my parents about anything. You should just submit. You can still disagree, but you should voice your disagreement calmly and lovingly. You should let your parents understand why you disagree and that you intend to do what they tell you anyways. It is enough for you that they hear your point of view. Arguing with your parents breaks the fifth commandment and it goes against Ephesians 6. It’s a sin. Don’t do it. You’re trying to be good, remember?