So I thought about waking up early today... but to no surprise, it didn't happen. I did get up about 10am. I had an appointment to have internet installed in my house today between 10 and 12. I figured that he wouldn't show up in the first hour... okay, so I assumed that the installation person was a guy. I was right. Does that make me a sexist? Or does that make companies that do installations in houses sexist for hiring so many guys, that we all just assume... Anyway, I get a call a little after noon and he says he'll be there in 10 minutes... which turned into 15. I gave him directions to my house (since it is invisible) and when he showed up, I was pleased to see that he too had the name Josh Thompson. (For those of you who don't know Josh from my Central Coast days, I'm sorry. You're missing out.) He said that it would be hooked up in no time, but apparently, no time was an hour and a half including the visit from his supervisor. He finally finished at 1:45 and I had to get to church to run the tech stuff for a memorial service... well... I ended up pushing about ten buttons... but it was all in how I pushed them... with my finger... I don't know why people get so intimidated by this stuff... anyway, I should probably begin a new paragraph. this one is getting long.
So the lady who died seemed to be a very generous and loving grandma who loved the Lord. Pastor Bud officiated the service and although there were tears, we were all confident that she was in Heaven with Jesus. I spent an hour or so just talking to different people at church and had a nice chat with Pastor Will. It pushed my Costco trip back from 3 to 4. The samples weren't that great today... but it's Monday. Fridays are good sample days. I was going to buy a space heater, but the one I looked at last week wasn't there. I guess I'll just live with the one I have. It's not a bad space heater... it just isn't a good one either. It takes a long time to heat up, and even when it is heated, I can still touch the coils without burning myself. I think I shall refer to it as a space warmer rather than a space heater. But I got food for my freezer and a couple of Christmas gifts so I consider the trip a success.
My next challenge was to try and change the window switch on my car. I got the whole panel out, but could not get the switch out. I tried for half an hour. It was getting dark and I couldn't see anymore, so I came inside and lay down for a while. For some reason, my body was just tired and sore. I think it was just with the business of yesterday and the running around and playing with the kids. There are some muscles that hurt that I thought I used all the time... I guess I just used them for sitting. I can't think of what I did to them to cause all the complaining I got from them today... Anyway, I wasn't sleepy, but lying down was relaxing.
At 6pm, I picked Oscar up and we went to dinner with the guys' Monday night Bible Study. Mushrooms and Bacon should always be on burgers. Yum. Bible Study was great. Gabe taught on the first chapter of Hebrews. It was easy to see the frustration on his face as he wanted to talk about so much, but realized that people had finals the next day. He does a good job staying on point.
At the end of the day, I am enjoying the faster internet, getting work done and trying to set up my wireless router... it's not as fun as juggling puppies, but then again, not much is.
Wireless internet is not happy... maybe I'll try again later. I'm losing focus.
I don't think I want to bore you with details of all I did today, but as I was leaving church, there was a cop in a marked pickup sitting outside... right outside, so I went out and tapped on the window. He jumped and rolled it down a bit. I asked if he was wanting to get inside for anything and he said no, so I locked up and left.
So I couldn't get out of bed this morning. I started making myself wake up early to read a devotion book the last couple of days thinking that I'll nap for a few hours after I read. It hasn't been working. Tomorrow, I'm going to just try and get up. Today, I finally got out of bed at noon. I had a speaking appointment at noon-thirty so went there and once i got there, I realized that I forgot my Bible. Well... the Lord is good enough to write His word on my mind and my heart so I did okay without it, although a half-hour seems super short when you're speaking... After that, I left and was going to go to the bank and get something to eat. I checked my backpack for my paycheck and couldn't find it. I supposed that I left it at church. Ug. So I went to get some note cards for church and something to eat (Teriyaki house is amazing) and was approached by some homeless guy asking for change when I came out. He said he just got to Chico and it's really cold at night. The best part was that I just happened to have the extra sleeping bags and blankets and stuff from our homeless search on Monday so I gave him some supplies to make the night more bearable. He was really happy.
Pulling out of the restaurant parking lot, I suddenly realize that I did have a Bible in my Backpack the entire time!!! sigh. Then I got to church and started to eat. I got out some books to read while I ate and lo and behold, my paycheck was in one. I had that the entire time too!!! Then Norbert swung by to help out with my power problem. I was in my office late last night working and it was so cold, I had my space heater going and blew a fuse. I kept running upstairs to flip breakers and nothing works so I called Norbert. We walked into my office, and I showed him where everything was plugged in and found a little breaker on the side of the power strip. Flipping that solved my problem. Thanks for coming down Norbert.
After that, I did my flight of the Bumblebee get the church ready for service, picked up kids to bring them to church and Abbie helped with the final touches. Thanks Abbie.
Then I rounded the high schoolers up for something special. And this was a wonderful idea that Abbie had. We all went to the High School room and Abbie led a couple of worship songs on her guitar. She did great. Then I read Acts 2:44-47 and asked the kids what they thought about that verse and how it could be applied to their lives. We had some wonderful answers that resulted in us all eating together. We couldn't decide where to eat, so we all went out, got food, and brought it back and ate in the Lobby. It was wonderful.
I taught the kids that night about the divided Kingdoms of Israel and Judah. Good lesson. Good kids. I had them suggest names to name the new guppies I have since the beta died over Thanksgiving... my fault... it was an accident... and maybe a little neglect... I haven't read the suggestions yet. Saving that for tomorrow. There are also some prayer requests from the kids to read tomorrow. Just that alone should make tomorrow a good day, but I also have a High School on campus ministry, a sound board training session and I'm running media for a cub scout meting... and Don should be dropping by to get a few things for his step-dad's memorial. It will be another busy one. Hopefully, I'll get paid for more than just four hours tomorrow.
So today was an interesting day. I lost about 10 minutes this morning. I don't know where. I got in my car, looked at the clock, and I was ten minutes late. Up until that point, I thought I was on time. AHHH!!!... well... after a trip to the $ Tree to get eleven 3-liters of soda, (That's right, they sell 3 liter bottles) I met up with John to bring pizza and soda to an FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) on the Chico High Campus. My afternoon at work consisted of a treasure hunt. I had five items to look for. 1. Missing Table from Children's Ministry 2. Offering Box for a memorial service on Sunday 3. Low wattage light bulb for a music stand light 4. Crowns for the Wise men in the musical 5. Gifts from the Wise-Men to Jesus
I found number 5 pretty easily. I found our stash of light bulbs but no low wattage ones, so I crossed 3 off my list. I asked everybody at church about the rest. I got a lot of suggestions but none panned out. I did find 1 in the lobby. It was covered in butcher paper and used as a table for toys for tots. I marked the bottom of it with a sharpie. 2 seems to have vanished. Someone said that it got used for something off church grounds and my guess is that it never made it's way home. 4 is still a mystery, but I think they were just used and abused so much they got thrown away. The treasure hunt isn't all I did today, but it was kinda fun and exciting.
I got some texts today from someone named Taylor who lives down in Fair Oaks. I don't know who this Taylor is and this Taylor thought I was someone named Jacob Cole. It was a wrong number, but when I got texted, "Is this Jacob?" I responded with, "No. Is this Jesus?" It wasn't. That's how I found out it was Taylor. I then asked, "Do you know Jesus?" Well... it turns out Taylor is a Christian and tried to get me to come to church tonight, but I told Taylor that I had a meeting that I couldn't skip. I was the note taker. A few texts later, Taylor figured out that I wasn't lying and that I was, in fact, not Jacob Cole. Slight embarrassment ensued, but I quickly invited Taylor to my church, but then I found out that Taylor lives in Fair Oaks, and goes to New Life.
I'm cold. I know that there are colder places on earth. I'm aware that there are people who have to sleep outside in this weather and I shouldn't be complaining. I just wanted to let you know, I'm cold.
I would move to a warmer climate if I could, but God told me to move here. I enjoy the heat here during the summer, but now it's winter and I'm cold. The heater in my house takes a long time to heat up the house, and I would leave it on when I'm gone, but I'm afraid of it falling over and starting a fire... although I've left it on before on accident and it was okay. Maybe I'll move it to the bathroom so it's not on carpet... but it's silly to keep it in the bathroom because I don't spend a lot of time in there.
Anyway, I'm cold in my house unless I'm in bed, so I'm going to go there. Goodnight.
Dis-satisfied with some of the writing on Heroes, I started to write my own version... It will be different. These powers are not the average powers you see on television... anyone want to give me ideas?
I just finished watching the first season of Heroes and I was fairly disappointed. I have really like the show up until the last episode. I am guessing they didn't know if they were coming back for a second season and wanted to make sure they could get as many cast members as they could in one place for a final scene. It was kinda cheezy. I also don't understand what point changed the future.
I think the reason I like Heroes so much is that I wish I had a super power. I wish I could fly or be invincible or walk through walls or whatever. I want to feel special when I feel so ordinary most of the time, or worse. But God reminds me that He gave me a set of talents and skills and gifts that are special. He has given me special powers. The problem is that I'm looking at the carnal world, but the fight isn't here. It isn't carnal. It's a spiritual battle and that's why the armor of God is truth, faith, righteousness, salvation and peace and the weapon is the Spirit which is the Word of God. I have those things. And what the Heroes do in a physical way, we do spiritually. Why do I need to be reminded that when I give the Gospel, and a child says "yes," that I have just been present and participated in the saving of that child's life. I've reached out my hand and to someone who was drowning and pulled that person onto the boat which is the Gospel. If I wasn't willing to do it, God would have had someone else reach over the side, but He let me. The teachings I do at church help build up the truth and imprints the Word into the hearts and minds of our children. They walk away knowing God better because I have helped build that relationship.
I'm not trying to take credit in what God is doing, but I'm acknowledging the fact that He is working through me, but still allowing me to work with Him to saves lives. My life is really wonderful and fulfilling on a Spiritual level. I love my God and I know He loves me. I also know that I'm not the only one. I'm not the only hero that God has raised up. We work together to save others so that there will be future heroes to save even more. We're out to save the world, one soul at a time.
Some people are not heroes. They are just soldiers, extra police, expendables. They are the ones that are good guys fighting the bad, but they are faceless and die without anyone caring. In the end, they are just a number in a newspaper of how much we lost. God knows who they are, and offers them the same power that He offers us heroes. The difference is that we take it. We go through the trials that God sets out for us giving thanks. The trials that teach us, refine us, and mold us into the hero that God wants us to be. We say that we're "on fire" for Christ. That means that we are 100% for Him. There is no turning back. Oddly enough, it's only the ones who aren't on fire that actually get burned.
I heard season 2 of Heroes wasn't that good. I may watch a couple episodes to see for myself, but as exciting as those episodes are, I'm sure the next episode in my life will be a lot better. But that's for tomorrow. Now, it's time for sleep.
Last night, I invented a game in my sleep. It's called Quickdraw. Basically, two people sit at a table facing each other. A stand up target is in front of them with a dart gun attached. The target is shaped like a cowboy with the gun low on the hip. The darts are those plastic orange ones. The players roll dice (one each). When they get the same number, they draw, but they have to use the same hand to shoot as to roll the dice. Whoever hits the target first wins. The guns may be pre-cocked.
I also stayed up late (compared to other people) to finish writing my commentary on first part of the book of Jude. I'm teaching it tonight so I wanted to finish. It's here if anyone wants to read it: http://jonathandow.wordpress.com/jonathans-bible-commentary/jude/
Pretend there is someone named Bob Thompson. I suppose there may be a real person named Bob Thompson, but I'm not talking about him, but a pretend one. Okay, got the mental image? He's older, about 65ish with a big nose and large ears and a bit of a belly. He's got white hair and works with prisoners in Folsom Prison, teaching them how to read and write and also as an EMT. The day after he retires, he packs his bags and takes a trip up to Sacramento. He walks into the Capitol Building and asks to speak to the Governor.
Of course the secretary says no, but after a lengthy plea, her eyes water up and she checks the schedule. "I think I can get you in to see him, but maybe only for a minute." She says. Bob Thompson thanks her and walks through the office doors.
The Governor is waiting for him. He had been told briefly that a Mr. Bob Thompson was being shown in for a word, but he doesn't know what it's about. "Welcome to Sacramento, Mr Thompson." Greets the Governor warmly. He gets up from behind his desk and shakes hands. Bob returns the greeting, takes the seat as directed, and asked the governor a question. "Do I have a criminal record?" The Governor is confused by the question, but clicks away at his computer for a second.
"No, Mr. Thompson, you don't have a criminal record at all. Not even a traffic ticket."
"Well... I would like to receive the death penalty in exchange for every prisoner in the state of California to be set free."
"What! Are you crazy? Those are criminals!"
"I know they are. I have worked with them for years, and I know they have broken the law, and killed and raped and stolen, but I have become fond of them and wish that they be set free. I am willing to trade my life for theirs."
The Governor, obviously dumbfounded, tries to dissuade Bob Thompson from his outrageous request and talks of how unsafe the streets would be, but Bob Thompson, as politely as possible, pleads with his heart, and the Governor listens. Time goes by, but at the end of the day, the Governor writes up the pardon.
The execution of Bob Thompson becomes a nationally televised event. News channels debate the morality and legality of it from the time the news breaks up until the pronouncement of death. Bob Thompson turned down every attempt to interview, and endured crowds of people hissing and yelling at him as he is transported to the execution chair. He dies of lethal injection.
The pardon is upheld, and distributed to the prisons. It is written in a way to release all prisoners, but if the prisoner's wished to stay, the prison would still receive government funds to take care of them. The Wardens read this pardon and decide not to tell the prisoners. They remove tvs and newspapers from the prison cells and stop the mail from going in or coming out. The people living in nearby towns have protests and rallies in attempt to keep the pardon from going through, saying that they will no longer be safe and the criminals are behind bars for reasons. They don't deserve to be freed.
However, a few prisoners find out about this pardon and demand to be set free. The prison guards have no legal grounds to keep them and tell them to get out, but to keep their mouths shut. But as these prisoners leave, they spread the news of the pardon and tell everyone that they only need to believe it and walk out to be freed. "The guards can't legally keep us in here," they say, "but lie to us to make us think that we're prisoners when we have been freed." Some believed them and left with them, and the guards told everyone else that they were not free, but those that left are going to be punished greater. Many believe the guards and stay in their cells. The ones that are freed find out about Bob Thompson and what he did and it softens their hearts. They decide that they no longer want to be criminals, but everyone still thinks they are and points out their flaws. This causes some of the freed men to stay at home and become prisoners of a different sort, but a few of the freed men decide to endure the criticism of the public an win them over with good works and gentle words. They go back to prison to tell the other inmates that it wasn't a lie, but a truth that they can truly be free if they just believe and walk out with them. Some do, most don't.
This is like what it's like for us in real life. We were once prisoners. A result of sin. We committed crimes against God by loving ourselves and our pleasure more than loving Him who created us. But Jesus pleaded with the Father for us, trading His perfect life for ours, and dying for us. (Only Jesus rose again.) Because of that, we became freed men in prison, being lied to by the devil and his demons so that we think we are still captive. But we hear the truth spoken by fellow prisoners, and we see them lead a different sort of life, defying the guards. Some of us follow, and find out that we are truly free. Once on the outside, we are bombarded by people who don't like us and don't think us worthy of freedom. They think they are better than us. Some of us hide away from them, but others return to where we were once held captive to declare the truth to those who did not believe at first, or did not hear.
Writing a poem is easy. It's art. There is no right or wrong in art. You just do it and people can like it or not depending on how they are feeling at a time. Lots of people don't feel like they can write poetry. It's easy. Here's what you do. Take a body of text, a description of something, and remove all the words under five letters. For instance, the paragraph I have just written would be as follows:
Writing. There right wrong People depending feeling People write poetry Here's Description something remove words under letters. Instance, paragraph written would follows.
Make sure to read it with a mystical voice. it's okay as it is, but it works better with description. Think of a meadow in the forest. Your description of it might be like this:
There is a meadow in the forest. A meadow is an area of grass surrounded on all sides of trees. It's green. Flowers grow there. People in love run through it barefoot in slow motion into each other's arms and lie in the grass with their heads together discussing how they will run off and get married.
Now take out all the words under five letters and call it art:
There meadow forest. Meadow grass surrounded sides trees. Green. Flowers. People through barefoot motion other's grass heads together discussing married.
Don't forget the mystical voice. Congratulations! You're a poet.
I wear sleep like a wet suit. It covers me when I'm in the depths of my unconsciousness. When I wake, it clings to me and weighs me down. It restricts my movements and I have to shed it like a second skin. Putting it on takes preparation and effort and time. Sometimes I take all day to put it on, a little at a time, so when it comes time to submerge, I'm ready. Other days, I refuse to take it off, but wear it throughout my day, dragging my feet from the weight of it, feeling normal underneath, but slower. The extra padding it offers makes it more easy for me to get comfortable. To sit and rest my eyes as I sink into it. I wear sleep like a wet suit. It makes me feel warm and comfortable and safe. But it is not made for land. I am.
I'm sorry, but my brain is clogged. I don't know how, and I don't know why. Is this hard to understand?
Let me explain. I have a brain... and it's clogged. It's like water and a drain. The faucet can be turned on and off alright, but it drips. Thoughts constantly fill up my head. Except that when I write, it's like letting those thoughts out of my head and into cyberspace or wherever and everything is good. Right now, I feel like it's clogged. I can't seem to get my thoughts in order, at least thoughts other than the thoughts I'm writing now. But consider this the hairball or whatever that is clogging my brain. I have to address the clogging to get things flowing again. I want to write. I want my thoughts to flow down from my mind, though my fingers and onto the internet or wherever they go, but I'm stuck.
I have a brain... and it's clogged. I don't really know why or how. I am trying to unclog it, but it seems that even when I pull a bit out, it doesn't seem to help. I want to write my thoughts on the book of Jude, and from the book of Colossians. I want to write poetry about someone falling in love. I want to write a story about a man on a quest to find the truth about his childhood because he can't remember. Existence started for him two weeks ago and he doesn't know why. He has special powers. Everything he touches gets better. Old torn paper binds itself, faded or smeared writing is restored. Old people he shakes hands with grow a few years yonger. Children with owies heal under his hands. He starts to doubt if he's human. Oh... and he doesn't speak Englis. He doesn't speak at all. He smiles sometimes, but mostly, he's afraid. He doens't know why he's different, but he knows he is. He doesn't understand that this gift he has is a blessing. A gift without the proper knowledge cannot be applied properly. He's looking for answers. He can help other people, but no one can help him.
I have a brain... and it's clogged. I can feel the thoughts in my head, the pressure against my skull. I'm startingto feel tired, but I don't want to sleep. I want to clear my head. I want to release my thoughts. I close my eyes and see a man. Almost six feet tall. Well dressed. Pin striped suit. Hat. Tossing a quarter... flipping a quarter and whisling. His tie moves. Not the tie itself, but the design. It moves the screen of a video game. It's a racing game. 8-bit. His face is clean shaven, his eyes hidden under the brim of his hat. He's waiting for something. Someone. A woman. A woman with curls in her hair and a swing in her step. She's wearing a blue dress with sparkles. Red lipstick, brown eyes. Also whisling. Same tune. I don't recognize it. Maybe something by Ella Fitzgerald. He smiles. Gold tooth. That's bad. He's a bad guy. Gold teeth are alyways symbolize bad guys. She's chewing gum now. No more whistling. They walk off together, arms around each other's waist. I think she's bad too. Too confident around that kinda man to be a good girl. They just feel bad to me.
I see a bunny, eating grass, wrinkling its nose. The sun is rising, the dew sparkles on the blades of grass in the meadow. There is an old oak tree, standing alone in the center of the meadow. It's branches reaches out as if to shade and shelter as much as possible. It's the grandfather tree. Many birds and animals rely on it for protection, food, and shelter.
There's a boy, eating a sandwich in the desert. It's not really a desert, but a city, but he feels alone. He imagines it being a desert that he has to cross everyday. There's no bus to take him home from school. It's a long walk. He feels alone. He packs an extra sandwich and eats it on the corner of Marshall Ave and Skylar Way. He sits upon a newspaper box. 75 cents per copy. 1.25 for the Sunday edition. He always reads the headlines and ponders them as he eats. Today, he thinks about the growing murder rate in the city. He wishes he really were in the desert. It would be safer without all these people around. It's peanut butter and jelly. The sandwich. He finishes and hops off, crosses the street. A man smiles at him. He has a gold tooth. The boy is frightened and runs the rest of the way home.
I see me sleeping. I roll in my sleep. I hide my face with my blanket, but it's too short and my feet stick out.
I'm trying out Wordpress. It's a lot easier for me to post writings and find them again later. Check it out at http://jonathandow.wordpress.com
As for Blogger, I think I'm going to keep it around for general blogging... like today I had Oscar over after church and we hung out until about 1 int he morning. I cooked some food for lunch the next 4 days or so and we ate some tonight. I'm not a big fan of cooking on a hotplate, but it's what I got. I guess it will help me learn patience. I'm also trying to figure out how to get down to my parent's house to bring up the bed they have for me...
Okay, so real life is boring. On the faker side of things. I went shopping today for superpowers and picked up the ability to walk through solid objects. It was on sale. It only works between 3 and 4 in the morning on odd numbered days starting with an S. The first time, I should be able to use it is this coming Saturday morning. I wonder what I'll do with it. Fight crime? How late do criminals stay up. If I can walk through solid objects, I think that also means that bullets will go straight through me. I wonder if my clothes will be able to go through solid objects as well or if they count as solid objects that I can go through. I wouldn't want to go crime fighting if I can't wear my clothes. I wonder how I'm supposed to keep from falling into the earth. The earth is solid, wouldn't I fall right into it? I'm starting to realize why it was on sale.
When was the last time we walked out in the heat of the day, closed our eyes, and allowed the sun to caress our face? God's tender mercies are like kisses on our owies. His warm glow fills us up inside with the light of His forgiveness. We are His.
I see a need that I might be able to fill, but I don't have permission to try. It's hard. I want to, but I don't know how doable that will be with everything else I was doing. I really wish I could be two people, or three. I do realize how foolish that would be, because however many people I would be, I would always see one more need that I couldn't reach and wish I were more. I guess I'm not God, which is a good thing. I would be a terrible God. Even when I daydream about having supernatural powers, it's always in an effort to be lazy. I would fly to avoid walking or go through things to avoid going around or be invisible to avoid a confrontation. It seems like just when I thought I had all my evil removed from me, there's another closet packed with evil that I forgot about.
God knows my heart and my desires and He can determine how good and true they are. He can testify. I don't have to convince you of anything. Just ask God about me. He'll tell you the truth. I know I'm not perfect. I feel bad about a lot of stuff I do, but God knows that I love Him and trust Him and He proves to me how much I love Him and trust Him by giving me trials. It's like a spelling bee. He knows how to spell it, but He wants to show me that I can spell it, that I have learned my lesson.
I could use some discipline... if I can be honest. I know what I should be doing a lot, but don't do it. Mostly because I want to sleep in for five more minutes or beat one more game of sodoku or solitaire. Always one more. Like now, I want to write one more paragraph before I go to sleep, but I won't. So look at that... progress
It has been brought to my attention that someone actually reads this... Hmm... this is a new quandary. This is no longer a safe place to store my literary vomit. I must find another place. As for this place, I must mark it with a one liner to denote how mysterious and deep I want people to think I am... How about this one:
I looked into a period and all I saw was blackness.
kinda morbid... let's do something more happy...
Clouds are light and fluffy, but they bring with them the rain of sorrows.
that's not happy either... I thought I was really getting somewhere with light and fluffy... stupid contraction... Okay, another try...
Ancient songs sing of ancient times, and ancient melodies stir up souls, but new ears and new voices are required to give it them eternal life.
A forty minute train ride east from Glasgow brought me to Edinburgh. A city that holds the Edinburgh Castle, and underground city, and the Scottish Parliament. We didn't get to see the Scottish Parliament, and there were tourists everywhere. We did spend a few hours looking at the castle and were there when they fired the gun at 1pm. You'll have to go to facebook for the pictures.
My parent's left after that and my brothers and I went to the tourists shops and took a tour of the under ground city. (covered up in the 1700s) It was fun. Sorry that this post isn't too interesting, but as cool as the city looks, it feels like it's just for tourists, and doesn't seem like anyone lives there that doesn't man the tourist attractions and shops. Again, I didn't have time to explore other parts of town. I wouldn't mind going back, but I don't think I'll have time this trip.
It's been a few days... I've been tired. We came up to Scotland on a train (with free wifi) on Tuesday. It took about 4.5 hours. The taxi from the station to our apartment (called a flat) was crazy. He drove fast and stopped fast. He was a Scot, but a little gruff. I tell people that he's a New York Scot. Our rented apartment is nice. Two bedrooms on the ground floor and a kitchen and living room upstairs. The tv (called the tele) is a two remote contraption that my parent's can't turn on. They have to have one of us do it. The problem with the flat is that there are three beds, and six of us. My parent's share one, I get one, my brother Andrew gets one, but Matthew and David have to figure out something else. There is a fold away bed in the sofa, so Matthew took the mattress from that and sleeps on the floor, and David just sleeps on the couch. halfway, through our stay, those of us with beds are supposed to switch.
Stores in town close at 6, so we didn't get much shopping done since it took a while to adjust to the flat, but we got some groceries and ordered a pizza for dinner. It took over an hour to arrive, and when it did, it came in a Mercedes Station Wagon. Apparently, the driver couldn't be found, so the owner drove it over. He gave us a couple free orders of fries (called chips).
The next day, I left my family and went to hang out with a couple of girls from Calvary Chapel Motherwell. They took me around Glasgow for a while before taking me to their leader (Pastor Dave Simpson) to talk about a possible mission trip in the future for my church, Calvary Chapel Chico. It was a good talk, and I got to pray for him. Then we went to New Lanark, which was a woolen mill on the bank of the River Clyde. I suppose they still mill the wool, but it's more of an attraction. After a private viewing of National Treasure 2, (Yes, you read that right... we had two hours and Nicola got it in the mail that day.) We went to a home study on the book of Ezra. It was an overview, but it was cool. Douglas led the discussion, and likened the experience to a pondering of what it would be like if soccer (called football) died and a bunch of them were disgusted and went to the US. 70 years later, they went back and tried to reintroduce it to the nation. We reasoned what would have to happen and what we would need to do, and related that to what Zerubbebel and Ezra were doing. It was an interesting way to look at it.
Today, my family and I went to Dumbarton Castle. It was cool, and I did take pictures, but I'm not going to post them tonight. You'll have to trust me that it's cool. There was a lot of climbing because the castle was built on a large rock (not unlike Morro Rock, but bigger) and we climbed to the top (stairs) and walked all around.
Then we went to Alexandria. This is where my dad spent his teenage years. We saw his high school and apartment building (which will be torn down soon). We also climbed the hill and wandered in the cemetary for over an hour looking for my grandparent's grave. The last time I was here, I was 6 (22 years for you non math people). I remembered that it was up on the left and I remember which way it was facing, but it still took a while to find it. I didn't remember having to cross a bridge and I don't remember the tree right behind the tombstone. It was strange being in a place where I had family history. I'm just so used to not having attachements to any place, but to know that I was walking the same streets that my grandfather (whom I never met) walked was kind of eerie. He used to bowl in that club. He walked my father through that door when he turned 18. This street was lined with men from the bowling club when his casket drove to the cemetary. I think I found the grave the first time I was there too. I don't really know what kind of man he was. I don't know if I'm like him. I don't know if it's important.
But now, I'm back in my room, ready to go to bed. Tomorrow, we go to Edinburough.
Today, I went up on the Eye of London and overlooked the city. I would show you pictures, but they don't seem to load through blogger for some reason. I can't figure out why. Anyway, that was fun, but I probably don't ever want to do it again. Then, I took a little walk by myself for about 30 minutes while my parents waited for my uncle Sam. My brothers went to an arcade. We found a pub to eat lunch in and I got a steak sandwich... which was okay, but a little tough. After lunch, I wanted to get away again. I love my family, but I like having some alone time too. So my brothers went searching for the Abby Road Beatles crossing and I started wandering around the city. My original plan was to visit Trafalgar Square and then go to Parliament to see them argue and they and impeach the Prime Minister, (They couldn't) but I didn't make it. I found the Church of All Souls and looked around there for a little, then I walked around and found a soccer shop... well... they call if football here, but I haven't fully converted yet. I bought an English hacky sack, which is larger by just a little bit and called a "kick n' trick" It sports the Chelsea Football Club, which according to a ten-year old, is the best team ever.
After that, I found a Jesus Centre, thought to myself, "I love Jesus" and went inside. I found the receptionist desk and said that I loved Jesus so I just came in to say hi. She gave me some information about the church (evangelical and charasmatic), told me about the program (physical needs for homeless and immigrents and other poor people) and showed me the cafe. There I met Gabrielle, with whom I had a nice long chat about what God is doing in London. She gave up studying law to follow God and they live in common there, giving up personal space and money for a tight knit community. If the group gets too large, they split in two and find another house to live in. It sounds wonderful. There is always something going on at that place; outreach or Bible Study, or Meetings or classes, or anything else. They are full committing themselves to following the Lord's instruction, which is great. Just talking to another Christian is like a breath of fresh air in this polluted city. Speaking of the city, it's starting to grow on me. I think I could spend some more time here, just without my family. I have been getting into the habit of exploring... walking down a street, turning when I feel like it, and when I get tired, I hop on the subway and ride it back. The subway stations are everywhere.
I also found a sports store going out of business that sold soccerballs for 3 pounds. That's not bad at all. I bought one. Still trying to fit it in my bag, but I'm sure I'll get it. Oh, yeah, and I went to Buckingham Palace, but the queen wasn't there.
Today, we went by train to the English Countryside to see my father's cousin's daughter Ann and her family. I'm not sure if that makes her my second cousin, or third cousin and if she's removed or not. Her husband Steve picked us up from the train station and we met their three kids, Andy, Sam, and Meagan. My uncle Sam was supposed to come with us, but missed the train due to some wrong information. He had to come on the next train. The English Countryside was beautiful. It was so green and we saw horses, cows, and deer from the train tracks. We had sandwiches for lunch, but then we went to go look at an old church that was visited by King Henry the 8th when he was destroying Abbys and English Gardens. The kids had some pets. They had three Guinea Pigs and a cat. I'm sorry, but picture upload isn't working tonight.
Hello everyone. I'm writing this 8 hours ahead of you. It's almost Midnight here. Just two more minutes. Vacations are supposed to be restful, but for some reason, they rarely are. Today, I go up a little after 7. My dad was up before 7 and could hardly wait for breakfast. I would have slept in, but it's too noisy when my dad is around. He turns the tv on loud and then talks to you whether you are still asleep or not. We had breakfast in our hotel... which is weirdly across the street from our rooms, and headed back downtown to take a free river cruise... well it wasn't free, but included in the price of the bus tour we purchased yesterday. I'm not sure the bus tour was worth it. If it were me, I would have skipped it, but my parent's wanted to go so we went. The river tour was nice... I think I have a picture of it... let me see... Here's one... I also have a picture of my parent's in front of Big Ben In case you didn't know it, London has a beach on the River Thames (possible the dirtiest river I've ever seen. (Floating trash included (they even have a floating trash collector. It has it's work cut out for it)) But the beach exists, even though the ones in Morro Bay are much nicer. The beach is not sideways, but I can't figure out how to turn the picture in Blogger.
There is also an Obelisk from Egypt given to a king a long time ago by some Egyptian guy... maybe a Pharoh. I don't remember. The base was under reconstruction, but it had a couple of statues around it:
I also went to the Globe today. It is a reconstruction of the Globe that Shakespeare wrote his plays for. I'm going to try and see a show this week, but am not sure if the schedule will work out:
I also saw the Parliment building up close, but couldn't go in. This girl with a uniform and English accent told me so. She said that I could come back Monday between 2:30 and 10:30 to see the MP's debating. MP's are Ministers of Parliment... I think. It could also be the Mouse Patrol or the Money People.
Some general thoughts about London (in order of which I think them): 1. Drivers are crazy here, passing each other by just a couple of inches (no metric system here, except for the selling of beverages and gasoline (petrol for the natives)) 2. Bicyclists are even more crazy, passing cars by fewer inches, not seeming to care that they are smaller and would die if hit by a car. 3. Locals cross the street whenever they feel like it, whether cars are coming or not. I've witnessed numerous close calls, where the pedestrian had to jump back before being hit. 4. The river seems to still be the town's sewer system. 5. There seem to be more Tourists than Locals 6. Of the locals I have seen... or thought to have seen, more than half are Arab, Indian, or African, still with English accents, but I have yet to see a white person working in the Airport, gift shops, or hotels... okay, maybe I saw a few in a gift shop. Not that I think this is bad, just unexpected. 7. The Subway (called the Underground) is crowded, but everywhere and super convenient... I just wish it was super cheap.
I hope to do some more solo-exploring tomorrow. I like my family, but I also like just walking and seeing what's around the bend. My family likes to plan things out and I usually just go along. I spend about three hours tonight online catching up with some friends and emails and downloading pictures and stuff. I hope everyone is well and I'm praying for you... most of you. I hope you all have a good night... I mean day.
We flew in... umm... yesterday... er... out yesterday and arrived at 7am local time on Thursday Morning. (It was a 10 hour flight) Then we waited for half an hour or so for our ride to show up and took an hour long drive to the hotel in Paddington (It's like a district in London north of Hyde Park. Our hotel room is... well... second class, but it has beds!!! We all decided to stay up and see London via Bus Tour so we can use the day and sleep at night. Speaking of, it's 8:46 pm here now and still light out. We also got to hang out with my Uncle Sam, whom I haven't seen in 22 years, and saw the Tower of London. Here are some pictures.
I taught church tonight, and this little girl asked me why God created Satan if He knew that Satan was going to be bad. I told her that it was a wonderful question and that I would love to answer it, but she had to get in line to go to her next session and there wasn't enough time. I told her that she should ask her father, who I have a lot of respect for. (Little did I know that a High School asked her father that same question tonight as well.)
After church was over, I was in the lobby talking to people and I saw her playing. Her parent's weren't ready to leave yet so I called her over to talk about her question. Here's what God had me say:
What if someone offered you the best video games if you would leave your parents and live with them? Would you do it? I don't like video games Okay... do you like horses? No. They're beautiful animals, but I don't really like them that much. What about food? (Her eyes lit up and I think her mouth started watering because she had to close it and swallow.) What if someone said that you could have all the food you wanted if you would just leave your parents and live with them. But my parent's already let me eat a lot of food. But what if they let you eat whatever you want? Cookies, cakes, candy... But then I'll get fat What if you could eat and never get fat. What would you do? Would you still leave your parents and go live with them? I would say, "Thank you, but no." Why? Because I love my parents. That's how God feels about you. He created Satan and let him do all those bad things. He let himself get beaten and He died on the cross so He could get you. He let people tell Him that they hate Him, and that breaks His heart, because He knows that you are going to choose to love Him and choose to go with Him to Heaven forever. He loves you that much that He went through all that pain just to get you.
The funny thing about this is that I didn't know how to answer that question yesterday. I love how God speaks to me when He speaks through me. Before, I just thought that there must be something, but I just didn't get it. It wasn't until a beautiful little 9 year old stood in front of me that I could see what God was looking forward to. This is why He paid so much. It just makes sense now. Thank you, God.
If my life was a chair, it was a rocking chair I would wake up in the mornings (if I had to) and go to work. Then I would hang out with friends, come home to work some more, and go to bed. I went between work and sleep and work and play and work and sleep and so forth.
However, I have found out that I need to move. And that same week, my computer broke down, which means that I can't work that job. So now I feel like the whole world is off balance and I can't make enough money to build up enough to pay a security deposit and first and last month's rent before I have to move. And since I don't have any roommates lined up, I'd have to find a place on my own.
I do have an option that will be cheap. I like cheap, and I don't mind living in a small space, but I would be sharing a bedroom. I like the guy enough to consider it, but I like my privacy. I don't want people listening to me talk in my sleep. If I have to, I will. It might be good for me. I would have to get rid of a ton of my stuff... and so would he. It's a lot to consider. I don't know how we would fit. I'm praying for a better solution to the problem. I'm still praying. God told me not to look for places yet. I can let people know my situation, but I can't go looking. Either He wants to bless me and the timing isn't right or He wants to bless me and my heart isn't right. Maybe, if I started looking now, I would take the first "deal" that came along and it would be bad. I want God to tell me I can look so I can find a place to live. I don't like waiting. But more than wanting that, I want to be obedient. If you are reading this, and you know Jesus, personally, please ask Him to change my heart to be patient and obedient. I want to serve Him, but sometimes I think more about me than Him.
He does work through my selfishness. As I taught in church on Wednesday, five kids came to know Jesus as their Savior. Three in my K-1 group, one in my 2-3rd grade group, and one more in the 4-6th grade. It's been a blessing seeing the fruit of God's work, and getting to be the one who would ask the question and see the response. I love what God does through me. And this is through the teaching of Psalm 51. All day long, I was wondering how I was going to explain David's sin with Bathsheba. It wasn't until I already said it to the kids that I knew what I was saying. (In case you are curious, I said he stole another man's wife.) Each class was different, as always, and different points were highlighted but all went to the same message. We sin like David sinned, but God still loved David, and He loves us too. So much so that He paid for our sins by Jesus dying on the cross. And even though we do bad, we can still go to Heaven because He loves us. All we have to do is love Him back, and we show Him that by doing what He says. So easy a child can understand. And they did.
I'm wanting to bring it back to life again in a different form. No, I'm not believing in reincarnation, I'm just reincarnating one thing. The Sabrot... except I don't know if it will still be the Sabrot. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. That all depends if I want to keep my Blog separate or not. I think I do. I think there should be a difference between what I write on a Blog and what I write for the Sabrot. Okay, it's settled. I'll make different blog for the Sabrot. I need to figure out a way to keep things similar enough to show that they are coheisive, but still different enough to tell them apart. It's like creating twins.
I was watching Smallville last night and it was an episode that featured Aquaman, but before he was "Aquaman." Last season had one with a teenage Flash as well and, of course, the teenage Superman" worked with them to solve some problem. Even through in a JLA joke.) It got me thinking, since I always wanted superpowers and wanted to be a superhero, about what powers I have. I don't have any super powers, but maybe I have spiritual powers. Then I thought that I have the Holy Spirit in me and He has all the Power. Why should I ask for more. In Smallville, Clark goes around solving problems and saving people everyday. He does it without claiming the glory (because he's trying to protect his secret since he doesn't have the alterego of Superman to receive it yet) and rather give his own life than that of his friends. He even tries to save the lives of those fighting against him. (He doesn't always succeed.) Even when he loses his abilities, (which happens often) he still tries to save people and is willing to put himself to harm in order to save others. I think it's that mindset and lifestyle that make him a superhero. That he would lose the girlfriend to save the life of an enemy really speaks of his character. Of course, there are things that he does that soil his image in my head of someone who's good and pure, but for the most part, he does a good job. It makes me think about my life. Am I living as a superhero? I'm not out there catching cars and disarming nuclear missiles in space, but I am in church teaching kids about who Jesus is. And kids are getting saved. My special abilities may not go beyond explaining the Bible, but that's enough. Lives are being saved, and not the temporary physical ones, but the permanent spiritual ones. My life isn't completely self-less... or even mostly, but I do want to live that way. I do want to live each moment for others and not complain about it. I do want to regard my own life and desires as unimportant and disposable when there is an oppurtunity to help someone. I want to be able to develop a sense of urgency to help someone who's suffering. The Gospel gives spiritual life to the spiritual dead. The Word of God heals those who are spiritually weak, and the teaching of it opens the eyes of the spiritually blind. I can do, and have done these things. (not me, but the Lord through me.) I am, and we all are that minister the Gospel, Spiritual Superheros without the capes and fancy suits because we don't want to get the glory. That glory goes to Jesus, the real superman. The real God on earth. And He lives in us. The phyiscal powers I dream about (both asleep and awake) are just shadowy manifestations of the spiritual powers I already posess. If God is with us, who can be against us, right? So I stand by my Savior and proclaim His words. They are my powers. My greatest ability, if I can exercise it, is to stay obedient.
On a different note of the same chord, the show has characters that come and go as the show matures. Some charcters are one episode only people who end up dying or moving away by the end of the hour, and there are some characters that have been there the entire time. Clark, his parent's, Lana, Chloe, Lex... And some come in later, but there are some characters that weren't there at the beginning. They come in a couple of seasons later and become a major part of the cast. That's the way I feel at my new church. I wasn't here at the beginning, but at the beginning of the current season, I became a reoccuring character that has regular appearances. It's like being grafted into the family.
Okay, about the death of print media. I was thinking that Magazines and Newspapers are becoming obsolete and my previous desire of producing one or both is slowly waning. Everything is online and I would love to do more online, but lack the technical motivation to learn how to carry out my ideas. Blogging is a good start, and to be honest, I don't know how to make it better. I'll be thinking about it.
I had another dream... I usually have dreams, but now I'm taking the time to post them...
Last night I dreamed that I drove a van around and played drums with special needs kids. I would start out with simple beats, and the kids couldn't copy it. This disappointed their parents a lot, but when I would try something complicated, the kids would get it exactly. This would bring so much joy to their parent's that my job was over, since the parent's were so busy giving praise to the child for following, and my job was done. Then I went to see a musical with Pastor Don and his family. During one of the songs, Don ran over to dance along with the actors. They didn't seem to mind.
last night I dreamed of my wedding day. I was ready and just waiting for things to start. That's always the worst part about weddings. I've been a groomsman a couple of times and that seems to be the most stressful time for the groom. Nothing more to do. Just waiting. Pastor Tonye and Pastor Matt Dragoun were there. I think Tonye was officiating. Josh Thompson was my best man and we threw a couple frisbees around in the backroom while we waited. The flowers we had were weird. They looked more like a white bristle with smaller purple flowers around it. It looked nice, I guess... but I'm not sure I will pick it if and when I actually do get married. The wedding hall was dark and I couldn't see anyone's face other than those next to me. I opened my eyes once during the dream and saw my bedroom, the folds of the bed changed into the heads of the rows of people sitting patiently waiting for things to start. I whispered to Tonye and Josh to whisper reminders of what I was supposed to do, because although I know we practiced, I couldn't remember a thing. I think the worst part was that I woke up before the bride came out. I don't know who I was marrying. I do remember her brother, as a wedding present, gave me a cell phone that was the size of an index card and as thick as a remote control. It folded out in a few different directions and had about 6 joysticks. The only game I could get working on it was golf.
So it seems that I'm not the only one to have a few problems with Facebook. I found one today that made me wonder who ever thought this was a good idea. It's called "Compare your friends" This app lets you decide which one of your friends is smarter and then it tells them that someone thinks they're stupid and the only way you can find out who said so is to compare your friends. It seems like you are always complementing one of them and insulting the other. This is a gossip machine. Don't do it. It is causing you to gossip in order to find out who's gossipping about you. Ingenius if you are trying to hurt people's friendships.
So I have joined the ranks of Facebook. This wasn't a light decision. I had been invited a few times by different people over the last few months and I always asked why. The answers I got mentioned messaging friends and seeing what they were doing. In response I asked how it was different than IM or email other than everyone else can see what you type. It wasn't until a week ago that I got an answer I couldn't refute. "To keep track of the kids." I signed up the next day. I like the ability to track what is going on with the kids in our High School Ministry. I can get a better insight to how they are feeling to know how best to pray for them. Also, I can call them out if they are saying something completely untrue. (It seems that teenagers search out a way to feel isolated and depressed becasue they found one instead of focusing on the myriad of reasons to feel included.)
I also found some friends I've lost contact with long ago. That is cool.
What I didn't like were the tricks and lies on that website. Here are the ones I've stumbled across.
1. Ads - I know that facebook has to generate revenue. I don't particularly like ads, but I canignore them. The ones that I would ban (if i were running facebook) would be the ones that lower the integrity of the site. There is an ad for getting a free MacBook Air after testing it from colormyrewards.com that is a scam. I googled the site and read up on how the scam works. Also, there are ads that try to blend into the site, telling you that you have unread messages from friends and that 4 of your friends are challenging you to take this quiz and compare the results. The quiz asks you for personal information before giving you the results. Although I now know that the quiz ad isn't part of the site, it is close enough in design that newcomers to facebook don't know if they are not paying attention to the style.
2. Facebook has invented tons of nothing to keep you on the site. There are pokes, jabs, high-fives, pillow fights, and countless more things to send to your friends, and when you do so, they get a message that they've been poked or whatever. This means nothing and is absolutely useless. It is a waste of time, and teenagers are having a hard enough time being productive as it is. Getting poked in real life isn't that much fun and getting poked on facebook is even less. It's a time thief. It's job is to keep you on the site so their numbers can go up so more companies want to advertise with them. It doesn't deepen the relationship between the friends any more than having an actual conversation would.
3. There are causes you can join. I got invited to a "Save the Animals" cause. Now I have nothing against saving animals and I think we should be kind to animals, but joining a cause on facebook (whether or not you give them money) is a lie to make you feel good about youself. (I know this sounds like a harsh opinion, and it may be, but I really see a lie in this.) The casues might be good, but as I briefly considered joining this one, the little bad voice inside my head said that if I didn't join, people are going to think I don't like animals or don't care about them and am therefore, heartless. And maybe they would be right. Maybe I would be heartless. I wouldn't have to give money. Just put my name down on the list. Boost the number up so that other people can see how important this cause it. Then you would have done something good and can be proud of it, and it didn't cost you a thing. I don't listen to that voice because I recognize it and it's not that of my Shepherd. It was a lie to try and make me do something for me, like the devil trying to get Jesus to make a stone into bread. Like the temptation David faced when offered the threshing floor to sacrifice to God. When you join these causes, you feel like you are doing something good, but you really do nothing. It doens't cost you anything. It doesn't take any time. It is a selfish good work. My good work is either going to cost me the sweat from my brow, the sleep from my eyes, or the money from my wallet, and if it's worth the effort, it will take all three. I'm going to give of myself knowing that God will provide and replenish me. Anything else would seem to be a waste of what God has gifted me with. It may seem silly to you, but I will not give to God that which costs me nothing.
(I don't hate facebook. I think most of it is cool. I just wanted to point out the traps I see instead of trying to sell an idea that isn't mine.)
I was in Costco the other day (I was there today too) and I saw a mom tell her son to hold onto the shopping cart. She didn't tell him this because she was having problems controlling the cart, but because he kept getting distracted by all the wonderful things Costco has to offer. I remembered back to going shopping with my mom when I was younger. (Alas, we did not go to Costco, for it did not yet exist) I don't ever remember her telling me to hold onto the shopping cart, but she told me many times to let go. Since we weren't in Costco, and I wasn't the type to get distracted so easily, I could stay out of trouble on my own. Besides, me holding on slowed her down.
So how is the shopping cart like God's love? I think about God quite often and just try to wrap my brain around concepts like God's love and I think that when I'm teaching other people about God, it's like I'm pouring out God's love on them... or at least I think I am. I think rather that God is pouring out His love on them and I'm "helping" by holding onto the shopping cart. In other words, God can pour out His love on His own and He has me there and is using me so that I'm not off somewhere getting myself in trouble. (I do enough of that at home.) So I think I'm helping, but really, I'm just walking along not really doing anything except trying not to get distracted by all the fancy expensive stuff around me.
I come home late sometimes, and my roommate already let Snaps into my room. She sleeps on my bed, and pops her head up when I come in. If my roommate leaves the door open, she'll walk out to me before I get to my room. I play with her for a while and show her she's special (in a PowerPoint Presentation (Just kidding)) and then I go to work on my computer. She sleeps on my bed, but whenever I move, she wakes up and looks at me as if expecting me to tell her something. As soon as I do, she obeys. Then I go back to what I'm doing and she goes to sleep, but she's listening for me to move. So whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, she watches. (She watches me walk into the bathroom... I then close the door) and she wakes up and watches when I get back. I don't expect anything out of her other than she should be my dog and obey me when I speak. (We also worked out hand gestures so I don't have to speak, and she constantly watches for these too.) I should be that watchful and ready for God. I should want to obey Him and be ready anytime I feel Him near. She (possibly the only female on the planet) likes the way I smell and always lies on the bed where I last was. If she's lying on part of my bed, and I sit and read for a while on the other part. If I get up and leave the room, when I get back, she is where I was. If I forget to make the bed when I get up, she gets into the covers. I have made her a bed at the foot of my bed, but she seems to like my bed better, even if her bed is a floor pillow and my bed is a few blankets spread on the floor. I wished I loved God as much as my dog loves me.
It's late. I'm exhausted, but can't sleep. I'm sick. So I watched a movie called, "A Girl in the Cafe." It was a nice little movie about a hopelessly boring and shy British man whose job is to convince world leaders to save the lives of the dying in Africa, financially speaking, and a mysterious and surprisingly outspoken Scottish woman (only to him, who apparently has never met any Scottish women) who meet in a cafe and have a connection and attempt to change the world together... financially speaking. She gave this one line at the end, "I can't see us having a future together," and that was enough to spawn this, which I know is a little pretentious, but too bad. I like it. You don't have to. Anyway, it played in my mind as I went to bed and I didn't want to get up to write it, even though I knew I had to, and I wasn't tired. But it's cold. And I was comfortable. Anyway, I did get up, and the plus side, other than the feeling good part of writing, is that I've been awake long enough to take another dose of cough medicine. How I got through three sessions of teaching tonight without being overcome by coughing is nothing short of a miracle. I wasn't even planning on teaching. Please pray that this piece of artwork (as best I know how to create) is the last good thing that comes out of this illness so I can be better. If it isn't, I will do my best to persevere, but I will still need your prayers. Anyway, now that you've read all that:
"I don't see a future between us"
"You don't?" I raise my right hand and place two of my fingers on her temple. I place my thumb on her forehead and sweep it right, as if erasing the obstruction.
"What are you doing?"
"Tell me when you see it?"
"Just close your eyes." She does. I open one eye to check.
"I don't get it."
"Shh... I see it."
"See what?" her voice brings a suitcase of annoyance.
"It's morning. The night's been cold. We're in bed. Together. The sunlight drapes over our faces like a blanket. Warms us like a cat under the window in the summer months. I don't want to get up, but the alarm goes off. You let out a little groan and reach over and turn it off. Despite my comfort, I get up with the intention of making you a cup of coffee and announce such as I walk towards the bedroom door. 'I'm making you coffee.'
" 'No, don't.' you say, 'You don't do it right.'
" 'I do it the same way as you.'
" 'Don't make me coffee. I'll make it myself.' You get out of bed and follow me down the hall to the kitchen. I get to the coffee maker before you, but you push me out of the way. 'Go brush your teeth or something.'
"I go to brush my teeth, but you can't see the smile on my face. I'm a liar. I make bad coffee on purpose because it's the only way I can get you out of bed in the mornings. As I brush my teeth, I contemplate, as I do every day, on how I can live my life without breaking the ninth commandment every day and if God is really as concerned with it as much as I am. I spit, rinse, and walk back to you, who is still standing in front of the coffee machine, staring at the drips with half opened eyes. I wrap m arms around your waist, place my nose against your hair and inhale deeply.
"With my outgoing breath, I form the barely audible words, 'I love you.' "
I opened my eyes and removed my hand from our head. Your eyes look up at me and I hope you aren't going to cry or run away. "You see all that?" You ask.