Wednesday, July 22, 2009

What do you think about at 2 in the morning?

When was the last time we walked out in the heat of the day, closed our eyes, and allowed the sun to caress our face? God's tender mercies are like kisses on our owies. His warm glow fills us up inside with the light of His forgiveness. We are His.

I see a need that I might be able to fill, but I don't have permission to try. It's hard. I want to, but I don't know how doable that will be with everything else I was doing. I really wish I could be two people, or three. I do realize how foolish that would be, because however many people I would be, I would always see one more need that I couldn't reach and wish I were more. I guess I'm not God, which is a good thing. I would be a terrible God. Even when I daydream about having supernatural powers, it's always in an effort to be lazy. I would fly to avoid walking or go through things to avoid going around or be invisible to avoid a confrontation. It seems like just when I thought I had all my evil removed from me, there's another closet packed with evil that I forgot about.

God knows my heart and my desires and He can determine how good and true they are. He can testify. I don't have to convince you of anything. Just ask God about me. He'll tell you the truth. I know I'm not perfect. I feel bad about a lot of stuff I do, but God knows that I love Him and trust Him and He proves to me how much I love Him and trust Him by giving me trials. It's like a spelling bee. He knows how to spell it, but He wants to show me that I can spell it, that I have learned my lesson.

I could use some discipline... if I can be honest. I know what I should be doing a lot, but don't do it. Mostly because I want to sleep in for five more minutes or beat one more game of sodoku or solitaire. Always one more. Like now, I want to write one more paragraph before I go to sleep, but I won't. So look at that... progress

8 comments:

Diane said...

you are more concerned with any perceived shortcomings you have than God is.

and if you don't have permission, but want it, just ask.

Jonathan Dow said...

You may be right, Diane... I'll think about it. It's bigger than I've let on.

Diane said...

well that sounds exciting then. if it involves you moving away though, i change my mind about you going for it lol.

Diane said...

okay, so you just got a new place... so you're not moving.

are you getting a new job? or doing additional serving at church? i did see a tutoring job advertised in the paper today while i was looking at rental listings... but i know you're so busy at Calvary.

Jonathan Dow said...

what kind of tutoring job?

Diane said...

it just says tutor for 12th grade student.

Jonathan Dow said...

I can do that

Diane said...

i'll send you the details then