Thursday July 22nd, 2010
When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because you have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.
As many of you may know, I’m a night person. I don’t always get to bed before the sun comes up. But night time is when I get in my writing and reading. That is when I sit and meditate on the Lord and pray and listen and ask questions and seek answers. The day is so busy, and there is so much to do that I love it when things quiet own and I can spend some time in silence dwelling on the presence of the Lord. In the mornings, if I wake up for them, I usually jump out of bed late for whatever I was going to be doing. I was too selfish in sleep and didn’t get up when I was supposed to, but at night, I can stay up as late as I want and seek the Lord. I did notice this Psalm starts out, “O God, You are my God; Early I will seek You,” and I am up early in the morning… just as early as some people rise, but the difference is that I haven’t gone to sleep yet. Okay, so far, I’ve just talked about my night habit. Not helpful, is it Wanda. I guess I could erase it, but I’m going to just move on.
God is so good that He should be the last thing going on my mind before we go to sleep. Before I was saved, I would use that time to go over every detail of the day that I could remember and look for clues or signs in my conversations with people to figure out what they were trying to say or didn’t or figure out where I messed up that day so I could be smoother in the future and planning every possible scenario for the next day. That process was birthed out of a desire to control my life, but it always ended in being so complicated that I would go to sleep from mental exhaustion. Now that I meditate on the Lord, I drift off to sleep in comfort. I’m not trying to untangle the mysteries of God. I’m thinking about them and enjoying them. It’s more like a child watching a magic trick an enjoying the show instead of trying to figure out how he did it. It’s more like someone in love thinking about his lover instead of trying to figure out how to control the relationship. It’s like drifting down steam on an easy current instead of trying to swim against it. It’s peaceful and relaxing.
When my life is not as nice as I would like it to be, and I am stressed or worried or afraid, I also flee to my bed as sanctuary. I give up trying to fight my circumstances and pray and sleep and allow God to change my heart. My bed is my sanctuary. It’s where I hide in the shadow of His wings. He protects me. I’m no longer scared or worried or afraid. I know He has it so I can sleep. It’s me letting go.
Just in case you are worried that I’m making an idol out of my bed, I’m not. I just got it last year, but slept on the floor the year before that and thought the same way. It’s not the bed that I’m loving, but the fellowship with my Father in Heaven when it’s just me and Him. Anything else is much more distracting. Even my dog knows not to bother me when I’m in bed. Speaking of bed. Goodnight.