Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The blank page

The blank page.

For a writer, it's both beautiful and horribly terrifying. What goes on it? What genre or writing?

Lately, I've been feeling a desire to write, but I'm not sure what about. Life has been so busy as of late, that my mind is spinning and I have not had the time to be creative and I want to be.

My creativity comes like the tides. I have spells of monotony where I don't feel like doing anything, or more likely I feel overwhelmed by my to do list that I just want to sit and veg out if I get the chance, but there are other times too. I feel restless in what I'm doing and I want to create something. Usually, I have an idea of what I want to create. I feel inspired in a direction and can't wait to devote time to it throughout the day.

Tonight, however, is different. It eludes me. I search for it in tv shows, theology books, news articles, history lessons. I love all those things and want to be a part, but none of them seems the write fit. (Get it? write fit?)

I feel on the verge of change. Something big is coming and I don't know what. I pray and ask God to prepare me. He usually gives me this feeling when something is coming. I got it last before He told me to move to Chico. (I didn't get it before I got married, though. That was more... obvious)

Well, if you read this, pray for me. I want to be ready.

Saturday, October 20, 2012


I was praying for someone with cancer today, and it struck me as an odd disease. When people get sick, they usually have a bacteria or a virus that is causing the illness. Some foreign body has entered us and is trying to steal our own natural resources to survive. But since they are living creatures, they can be countered and we have developed antibiotics and antivirus to do so, but no one has ever invented anticancer. It got me thinking.

Cancer is a random mutation of cells in your body. It's when a number of cells stop serving the body, and start serving themselves. Cancer grows because it takes what the body needs and hordes it and uses it to promote it's own existence at the expense of the body as a whole, unknowingly killing itself since it cannot survive outside of the body or once the body is dead. Cancer is completely natural and there can really be nothing to be done to avoid it. (We have found that some of the things we do as humans seem to encourage cancer and thereby claim that they are causes, but people can get cancer without them as well.) It is hard to believe that one of these random mutations will actually help the body instead of killing it, but that is what some people believe, that there is a beneficial cancer out there that has happened millions and millions of times in the earth's past... except they don't call it cancer, they call it evolution. There is no cure for cancer, and I'm not sure there can ever be one. Cancer is from us, to kill us without any need of help from the outside world. In my opinion, everyone will have cancer sooner or later. Some just don't live long enough for it to take effect.

There is another type of disease that I'm aware of. Some people have genetic diseases, which, in my non-medical opinion, are not really diseases at all. They are genetic deficiencies. Someone does not have the right source code and that gives them a disadvantage in life. There is no cure for this either. But there is help. We can now supplement the body and produce the chemicals (or something close to) outside the body and inject it or swallow it to help our bodies out.

So here's the thing. I think God is showing us (or maybe just me) something with diseases. Let's start with a bacterial or viral infection. This is the enemy afflicting us from the outside. Sin has crept into us through "friends" or media and our thought process is changed. Sometimes, we need to get into God's Word to recover and other times, we've gotten so sick, that we have to leave the presence of God to realize that we can't do it alone. What's that saying again, feed a cold, but starve a fever? We can do a lot to prevent these illnesses, and we should. But most of us think that we won't get sick... which leads me to cancer.

Cancer, as far as I can see at the moment, comes in two forms. Pride and bitterness. They are cancers in our lives that don't come from outside sources, although they could be encouraged. Cancer doesn't just go away on its own. Your body can fight a cold or flu, but not cancer. It needs help. It needs you to weaken yourself voluntarily and admit that you need care. It's a painful process and not many make it through, but it's possible and the only option you have. Humility is the Chemotherapy of the soul.

As far as genetic deficiencies, we need a daily help for the lack in our lives. We need to be in the Word and in prayer which always go together. Prayer for a personal communication with Our Lord, and the Word to keep you listening to the right voice. Our enemy is an imitator and we've only seen God as a shadow. We are as blind and foolish as Isaac in his old age. We need the Word to keep us in truth and prayer to keep us in the spirit. The Word is our food and prayer is our breath.

Let's stay healthy Spiritually. Be careful what goes into your mind to avoid getting sick. Be careful about what you're around so as not to encourage the cancer that is in you, and keep getting what you lack (the Word) in you so that you may be complete.

It is my prayer that we don't get sick more often than we ought, that we pray without ceasing, and that the way we live our lives rise as a song to dance on the ears of Savior.

Monday, October 08, 2012

It is technically my 1 month Anniversery

My wife is sleeping, my cat is in my lap, and my dog is finally not paying attention. I love being married. I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy. I'm sure that we've had an easier time than most, but living with someone (especially a girl) has a lot of challenges. It's a lot different than roommates, for obvious reasons and then some that are not so obvious. At least to me. My roommates didn't care so much about what I ate or drank or how much. (soda... not alcohol) They didn't care about what I wore or if I had dry skin in my beard... or if I even had a beard. She cares about a lot of stuff that I don't, but I guess that's good, or that stuff wouldn't ever get addressed.

Her friends instantly become our friends, and I'm starting to feel less judged when we spend time with them. She has so many people that love her, that during our engagement period, I actually received death threats if I ever hurt her. I do love her and I would and do endure judgement for her. I believe she's worth it. One of the things that make it hard is that we have so many people that we want to see and spend time with, but we also need to spend time together alone at home. We do come home every night, but she gets tired early in the evening... and I... well... don't.

We had a great relaxing honeymoon, but we still need a few days or a week to get comfortable as a couple here. I don't know if I understand what is different, but there are differences. Here, our focus isn't entirely on ourselves as it was on our honeymoon. We would seriously sleep in until she couldn't sleep anymore, get up, eat, and then asked each other, "What do you feel like doing today?" Perfect.

But now, we have stuff to do and people to meet up with and more stuff to do. Changing names on accounts and turning in paperwork and filling out more paperwork and the list just keeps growing. The house is on hold mostly for construction projects until we get stuff put away from the wedding gifts, laundry needs to be done, the animals can finally be unsupervised together and Ashley has a full work schedule this week... which is a good thing.

Now don't read this discouragingly. I love my new life. It's a lot different and adjustment isn't perfectly smooth, but it's worth it. I think, that after we get our house in order... somewhat. We are looking forward to having people over and ministering to the teens here and all that stuff. I love spending time with Ashley and seeing her everyday and not having to schedule seeing her. I love not having to drive her home at night. I love that we can drive together instead of meeting someplace. I love having the house to ourselves without making the space for roommates or leaving stuff out without thinking that it's in our roommates way.

Anyway, I need to think of a way to bless my bride for putting up with me for a whole month. We don't have a lot of time today... hmm...