Jonathan Dow

The Power of a Pencil

2012-02-01T01:44:00.000-08:00

"Do you see this pencil, Harvey?"

Harvey peeked across the table, over the top of his papers. "Yes, Ned. I see the pencil."

"It's interesting. Harvey. This is an interesting pencil." Ned rotated it between his fingers mere inches from his eyes.

"You can't just tell me that the pencil is interesting, Ned, you have to tell me why it's interesting. Describe it."

"Well, it's yellow, and about six inches long with an eraser at one end and a writing tip on the other. It has a two on it."

"Don't tell me that, Ned. I know all that just from you saying it's a pencil. Just describe the interesting part."

"It's got bite marks on it."

"Have you been biting my pencil?" Harvey snatched the pencil away from Ned to examine it. "Ned, that's gross." Harvey wiped the pencil on his shirt before tossing it onto the table.

"Sorry, Harvey." Ned twiddled his thumbs. "I just thought it was an interesting pencil."

"Why?"

"I don't know, it was something. Something I can hold in my hands, put in my mouth. It was real. Harvey. Things aren't real around here, have you noticed?"

"Sure Ned, I've noticed. Things aren't real around here until they need to be, like the pencil."

"I don't get it."

"Okay, Ned." Harvey put his papers down on the table and took off his glasses. "Check this out."

"Woah, Harvey, you wear glasses?"

"I didn't until I took them off. The world you and I live in comes to life as we use it. Where are we?"

"We're sitting at the table."

"That's what we're doing, but where are we?"

"We're in a room." Just as Ned said the word 'room,' he was suddenly aware of the room around him. It was a kitchen.

"That's right. We're in a room. What am I wearing?"

"It's a kitchen! Is it your kitchen or my kitchen? How did we get here?"

"One question at a time. What am I wearing?"

"A shirt. You wiped the pencil on it."

"Good, Ned. I'm wearing a shirt because I had to wipe the pencil on it." Harvey reached out and touched Ned between the eyes. "Focus on me, Ned. Until I needed a shirt to wipe the pencil on, it didn't exist. Until you asked me to look at the pencil, the pencil didn't exist. We didn't exist."

"We didn't?" Ned sat back in his chair and put his hand to his head.

"No, we didn't. We're in a story, Ned, and stuff comes into existence as it is needed. Plates, spoons, knives, all the things that go in a kitchen aren't there until we need them, then they are."

"I don't get it."

"The story teller doesn't write an inventory of everything in the room to tell the story. They just say what they need. The reader fills in the rest with his or her imagination. But the story teller doesn't just say what he wants to say either, he must describe it, not factual like you did the pencil, but what is interesting about whatever he's describing. So this story is about you, me, and a pencil."

"So what do I do?"

"I don't know, go outside, describe what you see."

Ned stands up and walks to the door. His hand is shaky as he turns the handle, but the door opens smooth for him as if it wanted to be open. A cool breeze welcomed Ned as he stepped into the garden. The sun dropped a blanket of warmth on his face. Harvey followed.

"What do you see?"

"I see flowers and grass and the street and cars and other houses and fences and all sorts of things."

"What's interesting about all of that?"

"It's not real, Harvey. They are all just drawings of those things."

"Those are just drawings from my pencil."

"Were they ever real?"

"Only to us and for a short time."

"Will they ever be real to anyone else?"

"Just those that read."

"I'm confused, Harvey. Was our story really about a pencil?"

"No. It was about how the pencil can create existence, but it's not real. Everything that pencil can create can, at best, allude to something real. It can remind the person looking at the picture or reading the words of what exists in real life, but it can never replace. From our world of allusion, we can bring out real emotions, but nothing else. Everything else, even what we use to bring out those emotions, are something the reader can relate to real life, or there is no basis for understanding. The pencil is a symbol. It is interesting, because it's a piece of wood with some graphite in it, and with it, we can create anything we can imagine."

Being Sick is Driving me Crazy

2012-01-30T23:34:00.000-08:00

I now have five heads, each one slightly larger, attached together in a train. I arrange each one on a pillow before I can sleep. My eyes are too many to close at once. They close in intervals counting to prime numbers. Before I can sleep, my pillows cry out to me asking for help because the blankets are hogging up too much of bed and they don't feel as if they have enough space. One of the blankets decided that it would rather go sleep in another room until this whole fiasco is over. After I get my heads in order, I might go join it.

The lions and the tigers don't bother me so much anymore. They've realized that I'm no longer interested in being frightened sold they teeth on eBay so they could buy a deck of cards and play Gin Rummy. Now they only bother me to help them sign into paypal to see if they payment went through.

Before he died, my stuffed Rabbit was the best listener I've ever had. Since he's died, he's even better.

The world does seem to turn on a pin. It spins one way, and then the other. I don't know if it's me who keeps changing directions but I get lost fairly easily.

This must be what it's like to get old. Sleep for only a few hours... wake up coughing... take some medicine... wake up really sweaty about an hour later... everything I do is in slow motion. I get up in slow motion, eat in slow motion (normal speed for me), drive, walk, everything really slow. And on top of that, everything makes me tired. I want to take a nap after a shower, after a meal, after everything. Getting sick must be what getting old feels like.

The Lobster and the Riverbed.

2012-01-09T04:17:00.000-08:00

She was red like a rusted firetruck or an old farmhouse hidden in the shade by a large sycamore tree. The lobster climbed up the dried riverbank through the hot sun. She rested in the shade for a bit. The riverbed was as dry burnt toast, but there was a faint rumble up ahead. The lobster traversed up the riverbed a little more, walking around the large smooth stones and stumbling through the small smooth pebbles.

Suddenly, she came upon a wall. The wall blocked off the entire riverbed. It was impossible to climb over. Up in the distance, she believed there was water. She traveled too far to turn back. With her claws, she started pinching the wall. Over and over again, she pinched and pinched.

After what seemed like hours, the wall grew damp. She kept pinching. A leak sprung out and squirted water down her shell. She kept pinching. As the stream of water grew, she dug her feet into the riverbed to keep from being washed away. When the current got to be almost unbearable, she sidestepped out of the flow and started pinching another part of the wall. Soon, she found the wall to be damp there too. She kept pinching. Water started squirting out of that wall too, and when she could stand it no longer, she moved to another part of the wall. She kept pinching.

When her work was done, she rested in the gentle flow of the restored river. She stretched out on a rock and tried to ignore the beavers who were yelling at her from on shore.

I Tried.

2012-01-03T03:05:00.000-08:00

The stars are out. I tried to count, but lost track after only a few.

The sky is big. I tried to measure it with my hands, but my arms aren't long enough.

The ground is so hard. I pushed against it and tried to move it, but it wouldn't budge.

So is the love God has given me for you.

Patience

2011-12-28T00:48:00.000-08:00

Patience.

I'm learning patience.

There are a few things that I can control in my life and many things that I cannot.

One of the things I can control is patience.

Patience is longsuffering.

Waiting without suffering is just waiting.

I am learning to suffer for a long time.

But the suffering I endure is not worthy to be compared to what other people have to suffer through.

And sometimes I wonder why my suffering is enough for me to endure.

If I am impatient with my trial, how can I overcome a larger one?

One step at a time.

God doesn't give me long range plans.

He only tells me what to do now.

And I usually can't see beyond the step I am currently taking.

I am constantly walking into the unknown.

If I knew what was going to happen, I would enjoy this step more.

It would be easier to endure this suffering.

I could be patient.

But knowing wouldn't be trusting.

But knowing wouldn't be faith.

Faith is believing without seeing.

Do I believe that God provides for me?

Yes.

I can break it down to two easy steps.

1. God is big enough and strong enough to take care of me.

2. God is loving enough towards me that He wants to take care of me.

If I can believe those two things, and I do, then I should have no fear of the unknown.

So I don't...

still...

I'd still like to know what was going to happen.

But that's just me.

Not God.

God already knows, and He wants me to find out then.

Not now.

So I wait.

Patiently

...

The suffering I endure is not one of physical strain.

My suffering is an attack on my faith.

How long will I wait on the Lord before I try to take care of things myself?

How long will I wait on the Lord before I try to speed things up?

When is God too late?

Of course I know the answer.

Never.

He is always on time.

I think it's in the nick of time. At the last second. He barely made it.

But He does what He does when He wants to.

He planned it that way.

To keep me trusting.

To keep me waiting.

To prove my faith...

...

...or to disprove it.

To prove it.

I'm going to be victorious.

I'm going to wait...

...and be patient.

I'm not going to take what isn't mine.

I will trust the Lord to provide.

I will have faith.

My God is big enough.

My God loves me enough to take care of me.

He's going to do it.

He will.

Just watch and see.

The Piper Problem Part 1

2011-12-03T00:58:00.001-08:00

Before I tell you my story, I would like you to understand something about me. It's hard for me to explain, and I'm not sure you would quite understand, but I'm not like everyone else. My family is a bit... abnormal. We love each other and take care of each other like a family should... but we're not really blood related. In fact, not all of us even has blood. My family consists of different fictional characters that I can create and bring to life as I see fit.

I've been like this as long as I remember. I just think of someone and that person is in the room. I can think up a man, woman, boy, girl, dog, cat, or even a cartoon alien. The problem is that the person I think up isn't always nice, depending on my mood. So there are many times that I think up a lot of trouble for myself.

The first time I remember it happening, I was lost. I was wandering through the streets and I was scared. I thought that I would get mugged and before my very eyes, a mugger appeared. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that couldn't possibly be true, and the mugger just jumped out from behind a garbage can or corner or something, but that's not the way it happened. There was nothing there, and slowly, the mugger came into view. At first, it was just an outline, and then he started fading in. I could see right through him until he became solid. He jumped at me the moment he became solid and started going through my pockets. Once he found my wallet, he pushed me to the ground and ran away. I wished that Superman was real and that he would get the mugger for me and Superman appeared the same way the mugger had. He went after the mugger and retrieved my wallet. I was so surprised but relieved that Superman was there to protect me. As I walked on, he floated there beside me. He didn't say anything, but stayed with me block after block, looking around for trouble.

It had rained a few hours before and there were large puddles in the street. As a car drove by, it splashed Superman, and he vanished in a large cloud of smoke. I thought of him again and he reappeared like he did before. I asked him what happened, and he didn't know. Then another car drove through the same puddle and the same thing happened. My creations were destroyed by water!

It's been years since then and I've gotten better at creating and controlling who I create. I stopped watching scary movies after the Werewolf incident of 2004. Three people ended up in the hospital and I got a vaccination for rabies.

I've created thousands of people and sent them out into the world. I have no idea how many have stayed dry, but when it's raining, it's not uncommon to see reports on the news of people exploding in a large cloud of smoke. It was baffling the police as so many missing person reports were coming in. I actually started my own private investigator business that specializes in finding missing persons. My creations go out and live lives and make friends and get married and people who love them miss them when they vanish, so I "find" them by recreating them. I tell them all to never take baths or showers or be caught out in the rain, but they all eventually get caught or splashed. I go to the police station regularly to look over their missing persons. I recognize most of them, but last Friday, I made a mistake.

I recreated someone I never created in the first place. Piper Long was a girl that went missing two weeks ago. She looked so familiar that I thought she was one of mine, so I red the bio, studied the picture, and recreated her. However, after delivering her to her husband, I went downtown for some coffee and saw Piper dressed in rags in the corner asking for change.

I walked over to talk to her for a little and I found out that she ran away from home. She had been hiding a drug habit for some time and it became uncontrollable. She ended up running away with a man who promised to take care of her and after he used her, he left her in the cold. She was too ashamed to go back, too addicted to quit, and to poor to think of any other solution. Her husband loved her and she didn't deserve that love.

I agreed.

The Piper I created would be loyal and drug free. She would return the love that her husband had given her. This Piper couldn't. But what should I do? There can't be two Pipers. This could ruin my whole business and I don't know how I would explain what I can do to the police. In order to cover my tracks, I offered to set up the real Piper with an all expense paid trip to a faraway rehab under an alias. She would go and get clean, and one day, I'll figure out how to make the switch.

***

What should happen next? Give me suggestions in the comments.

Genesis 4:7

2011-11-19T02:36:00.001-08:00

Mostly Fiction... just so you don't freak out.

So I came around the corner and found a girl in the alley being pecked at and eaten alive by a large black bird. As I ran closer to shoe the bird away, I noticed that it didn't have all of it's feathers. It's head was bare and ugly, the black eyes bulged out of it's head and it's claws were deep in the girls side. Even though the girl was writhing in pain, she wasn't trying to fight off the bird. I shoed it away and it only flew to a nearby fire escape and looked at me.

The girl was badly hurt, and as I knelt over her to assess the damage, she looked at me with big green eyes. Blood dripped over her face and her right eye was stained with it. Her breathing was shallow, puncture wounds were all over her body, but the freshest deepest were in her right side where the claws dug in. Her clothes were stained with dried blood as well as fresh. She looked at me as if to say thank you for a moment's peace, but as I tried to help her, she kept pushing my hands away.

I tore off my sleeves and tried to put pressure on the wounds in her side. I called and cried out for help but it seemed like no one could hear me. I laid my jacket on top of her and propped her feet on a nearby cinder block. All the while, she is pushing my hands away, pushing the blanket aside, kicking away the brick.

In a hushed painful tone, I heard her speak. "Thank you for helping, but I'll be okay. Just leave me here and I'll be fine."

I object passionately. "The bird isn't gone. It's just waiting for me to leave. I need to get you somewhere safe. I need to help you."

"No. It's okay. Just leave me here. You've done enough by giving me this moments rest." Her mouth kept moving, but her voice is inaudible."

I look at the bird, and it just stares at me. I yell at it and try to scare it away, but it doesn't move. Even when I try to throw little bits of concrete at it, it just moves to one side or the other as I miss. I can't leave the girl here. I reach for my phone, but it's not there. I must have left it in the charger this morning. I call out for help again, but no one is around. The girl is still just trying to remove my jacket from her, but she is getting weaker.

So I pick her up, wrapped in my jacket. As tenderly as I can, I take her out into the street. It's empty. I call out again and again to the nearby buildings, asking for help. The hospital is a few blocks down the street, so I head in that direction.

She's protesting, but weak. I hold her close and feel the warm liquid on my chest. I hear a flap of wings and that large black bird is following us.

"Just leave me here." Her voice is weak, but once again audible. "I don't care what happens to me." I'm getting tired. The bird is following and cawing at us. "It's okay. Just put me down. I want it to happen."

I can't. I just can't do it. I have to save her. She loses consciousness. The hospital is just up ahead. I come in through the sliding doors crying for help. A gurney is wheeled over and I set her down. After talking with the receptionist and filling out paperwork, the doctor comes out.

"She's lost a lot of blood and I don't know if she'll make it through the night."

I offer mine, but it's not the right type. I'm told to go home and rest. There's nothing more I can do for her tonight.

So I walk out the door; my face stained in tears, my clothes stained in blood. There is the bird, perched on a lampost right outside the door. It stares at me with it's big scary eyes on it's featherless head.

I haven't won this thing yet.

Pastor's Quentin's Gardening Parables #1

2011-11-18T01:54:00.001-08:00

So last week, I went gardening with Pastor Quentin. With my new van, I'm looking for a few extra dollars to help me at the gas pumps. Pastor Quentin hired me to help him with some yard work. The first day, he had me digging holes and planing ground cover. He showed me everything, but God taught me what it meant.

When your digging holes to plant a ministry, you don't want to plant it too close to another. They all need their space and do not need to be competing for space or resources.

The ministries are pretty snug in the pots they are in, but need to come out so they can be planted properly. The pots were just temporary. This requires the planter to shake it out, and if that doesn't work, squeeze the pot a little on one side and rotate and squeeze on the other. Then shake again. Ministries don't always look like they started out and although you might seem to have things organized on the start up, things tend to get shaken around a bit at first.

Once the ministry is out of the pot, the planter must take something sharp (knife, old shears) and score the roots. This means cutting up the roost system. If this doesn't happen, the roots just grow in a tight circle around the plant and don't extend into the soil you put it in. Concentrated roots means it's easy to pull out. Your ministry cannot flourished if closed off in a tight niche. New people have to be welcomed and that might mean cutting the closeness of the group for a time. But it will be better in the longrun.

The ministry must be placed where it's leaves are above ground, and special soil from the bag is mixed with soil from the ground. Ministries take money to start, and someone will have to pour money into the ministry to get it going. It may be that someday in the future, the ministry will survive off the money in the field where it is planted, but it needs help getting there. Also, the ministry can't be undercover. It needs to be seen. An underground ministry has no accountability. It breeds secrets and division and would have to work extra hard to get where it needs to be if it makes it at all.

Once the soil is in place, the planter must push the soil in around it to remove all the air pockets. The ministry leaders must let go of anything in the ministry that is just taking up space. It needs to be efficient in the way it handles money, property, and time. Otherwise, the roots can rot.

Last, the ground is watered. The Bible speaks of being washed in the Word of God. It also refers to the Holy Spirit as living water. The ministry needs both the Holy Spirit and the Word of God to flourish. If there are any air pockets that did not get removed, they will be revealed by the Word of God and the Holy Spirit. If they are not immediately corrected, the whole plant is in danger.

I wonder what I'm going to learn next.

Nervous

2011-11-17T00:45:00.001-08:00

The night before the audition, I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to throw up. I knelt there with my face over the toilet gripping the seat with my hands. The faint blue water shivers as I push air in and out of my mouth trying to get the precious oxygen down my throat. The sides of my vision have darkened and I can only see what is directly in front of me. My heart is beating in my ears and I can't feel my legs any longer.

...

The stage is dark. I'm early. The director isn't hear yet. The janitor let me in. I walk across the stage on my toes. I jump a couple of times just to hear the sound. It thumps. The echo dies out almost instantly. I reach down and feel the stage with my hands. If it were a blanket, I would grab it and draw it snug around me. I would roll in it until it was my entire world. I would...

I feel a tingle on the back of my neck. I'm being watched. I push myself off the floor and peer into the darkness. In the doorway, there is a silhouette. Whoever it is can see me, but with the lights off, I have no guess as to who it might be. It enters the room and walks towards the stage.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing... I... I..."

The lights jump on. The man was standing by the big breaker just off stage. He is wearing blue jeans, a dress shirt, and a leather jacket.

"What are you doing?"

I rise to my feet with my head down. Sorry. As I walk past him, I hear him mumble something, but I can't make out what it is.

...

I'm backstage, about to go on. The spotlight shines down and makes a circle on the stage. My throat is caught again and I finger my chest looking for my diaphragm. I push it a couple times as if giving myself CPR. My name is called. I step into the light.

...

I'm at home again, kneeling in front of the toilet. My hands are on the seat and my breath stirs the water. The phone is on the floor next to me. I'm waiting for a phone call. My breaths are shallow, but I can feel the soft tickle of the bath mat on my legs.

Blog Update

2011-11-14T01:36:00.001-08:00

I updated my Blog

Trouble, Churches, and Pain

2011-10-10T04:15:00.000-07:00

On Trouble
Remember when you were little and you would get in trouble? What was that? There was the punishment or consequence, but that wasn't in trouble. A Mom might tell her child, "You are in so much trouble right now, just wait until your Daddy gets home." The child is currently in trouble, but the punishment or consequence is still yet to come. Trouble must be something other than a spanking or a time out. Kids will recognize that they are in trouble before they even get caught.

I theorize that "Trouble" must then be a current state of a relationship that begins at the moment of disobedience and ends at the moment of completion of the punishment or consequence. It is a breach in the relationship between a parent and a child where the child shows himself to be irresponsible, and trust is lost.

I think it's the same with God. When we sin, we are in "trouble." Our relationship with God is broken until we confess and are forgiven. The punishment has already been paid by Jesus on the cross and even though we might suffer through some of the consequences, the eternal result of our sin no longer rests upon our shoulders.

That being said, we should confess to God right away. There's nothing worse than being in trouble waiting for the punishment to come upon you. Until "daddy comes home," the child waits and fears and his relationship with his mom is horrible. They don't talk or laugh or play or do any of the other things children should do with their mothers. They just wait and fear.

We don't have to be that way. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God, which is in Jesus Christ. Confess, Repent, and be restored. Leave trouble behind. You don't need it anymore.

On Churches
One of the things I personally believe is splitting the body of Christ is the comparison of churches. We Christians play the, "the church I go to is better than that church," and "We do things the right way here," cards way too much. (I think once is too much.) What exactly is the criteria for a good church? I believe they are the same three things that one should look for in a spouse.

1. Does the church (spouse) encourage you to grow in your personal relationship with the Lord?
If your relationship with God isn't growing by where you're going, you should ask yourself why you are going there. This doesn't mean that a church has to offer personal Spiritual Challenges and have milestones so you can prove that you're a greater Christian than you were previously. But it does mean that when you do go to church, you are going for Jesus and not because you like a music style or teaching style or display of Spiritual gifts. I'm convinced that I could be amongst any of my Christian brethren and still connect with my Jesus because I can connect with Him on my own. It's just good to connect corporately as well as individually. The Bible calls us to be a body for Christ, not a winnebago. We are to be like cells living and working together, not independent.

2. Does the church (spouse) encourage you to get into God's Word?
Jesus calls us to worship God in truth and in love. We need both. The Bible has both. It has the truth and it was written in love. We need to get into it, know it, live it. Whatever church you go to needs to be built on the foundations laid out in the Bible. There are a lot of bad churches out there. (And I'm not talking about churches that just aren't as good as the one I go to, but churches that teach lies and call them truth.) And in order to spot the lie, you need to know the truth. I don't have to memorize that a rhinoceros isn't yellow if I know that they are grey. If I know what color they are, I don't need to know what color they are not. I would be able to figure that lie out if someone was trying to convince me of anything else. If that church (spouse) is not encouraging you to get in the Word yourself, they could could be setting you up to believe a lie. (Also check everything. The most effective lies are those that are mostly true.)

3. Can you serve your church (spouse) joyfully?
You must serve. We all need to serve each other and no Christian is exempt. Service is something that people who are following Jesus will eventually enjoy and want to do, but sometimes it starts out with serving just because you know it's good. If you can't serve, you will never really be apart. Customers are never a part of the store even if that's where their money goes. They are not part of the store even though it would not exist without them. The people who work there are part of the store because they work there. They spend time and energy to make the store function. So must you be with your church. You don't have to do it all, but you have to be involved somehow. The church that doesn't need any more servants doesn't need any more congregants either. (If you have too many servants, send them my way. We could always use more over at my church.)

If you can fulfill these three criteria, I believe that you can find a home with any body of believers. Music style and Pastor personality should have nothing to do with it. Of course, if you were looking for a church, the first thing you should do is pray. If God makes the choice for you, then just thank Him and obey.

But please don't compare your church to a different church and don't rank churches on how "correct" they are. All that does is put more distance between you and your brethren. People are all different, so churches need to be different to reach them all. Some churches are more mission's based whereas others are more based on reaching out to the community. Both are needed. Some Pastors have special messages from the Lord to give so that all their sermons sound the same. God gave them that message to give so it would be going against God to complain about it. If you are not getting something from a church service, then that speaks of the condition of your heart. Even if I already know all the information that is preached, (and that is not often the case,) I still grow closer in what was reinforced from the message. The Word does not go out and return void, after all.

We all go to different churches and that's okay. Our Worship music is different and our Pastors are different and that's not only okay, but beneficial. We need to stop looking like the world and start looking like Jesus.

On Pain
We Christians try to be so tough. We don't wince anymore when people cuss in our presence. We watch movies with people sinning in front of our eyes and we laugh and eat pop corn. We allow people in our own church bodies to go through divorce and we just smile around them and try to change the subject to take their mind off.

Christians, we need to be offended again. We need to feel pain and let it show. When someone sins and I see it, I need to feel the pain of witnessing someone, or even one of my brothers in Christ, willingly separate themselves from my Savior. We put up these walls and harden our hearts because we don't want to be hurt, but Jesus got hurt for us. He showed His pain and we hide ours. We pretend like we don't care and one day, we just stop caring.

How much more would the world know us if we showed pain at sin... either our sin or someone else's. What if we cried whenever we heard about or talked about abortion and divorce. What if curse words containing the name of God actually brought tears to our eyes. Would the world notice? We might sternly tell people that they must respect God, but doesn't God live inside of us? Wouldn't they respect Him more through seeing Him in us than just hearing us tell them about what He finds acceptable and unacceptable?

The Bible says that they will know us by our love for one another. They will not know us by rules or standards or the books we carry around or the stickers on our cars. They will know us by our love, and love hurts. It pains me to see those I love in torment or anguish or anything beyond a mild discomfort. If I love someone, and they are not alright, I can't rest until I am a part of their pain. (The experience, not the cause.) But we Christians have the habit of playing the tough guy. We aren't phased by emotions or drama. Those who are must be weaker Christians. A boat may not always sail with the wind, but it always experiences the storm.

...

2011-10-05T01:04:00.001-07:00

I haven't written lately because the person who pinches me if I don't write is in Africa.

Prayer and Light

2011-09-26T01:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I can't think of words to pray, but my thoughts and feelings still go up to the Lord. In a sense, I'm basking in His presence and although I don't have the words, I lift up my heart to God. I know that the Holy Spirit prays for me in those times. (Romans 8:26)

I visualize it as a light shining out the top of my head going to the Lord. When I'm praying with a group of people, I imagine lights coming out of each of our heads and combining as they go straight up to Heaven. What if the world could see this light as a Christian prays. What if our lights were always on? What if it was this light by which we could see?

I think if there was an actual visual, I would pray a lot more often.

I think the Apostle John had a lot to say about light... feel free to read John and 1 John and comment your thoughts.

Forgiven

2011-09-23T01:24:00.000-07:00

Fiction

Jeff looked at himself in the mirror. Messy hair. Messy face. Messy life. He cringed. What brought him to the mirror this week was an itch at the end of his nose that wouldn't go away. It was all red and squishy and a slight sharp pain stung him every time he touched it. He took two fingers and squeezed until it pussed.

The rest of his face was spotted. He couldn't tell if it was dirt on his face or dirt on the mirror. The room behind him was a mess. His bed was a single mattress on the floor covered in t-shirts and jeans. Past due notices from the electricity company and the phone company carpeted his small apartment. Styrofoam containers and fast food bags covered his few pieces of furniture. Finding his nightstand would require an archeological dig.

Jeff stuck his head under the faucet and let the cold water run through his hair. He felt something sting him in the back of the head. He tried to jerk out from the sink, but hit his head on the faucet, knocking it off the sink and spaying water everywhere. He hopped up and down holding his head and sharing a few unsanitary words with the yellowing walls around him.

He pulled his hands in front of his eyes to see if he was bleeding. He wasn't. In fact, his fingers looked immaculate. He turned his hands over and noticed that his fingernails were no longer too long, but perfectly cut and shaped to his fingers. The black line under them was gone and the palms of his hands were clean. He looked down at his clothes and saw a bright white shirt and pants, whiter than he's ever seen. His apartment looked wonderful too. The bed, still a single, was off the floor on its frame and neatly made. His floor was swept clean and his furniture was polished. The sink faucet was fixed and the sink was scrubbed white. his mirror was spotless and so was his reflection. No more pimple on the end of his nose. No more dirt on his face. His hair was neatly parted and the pain in the back of his head was gone. The only thing that wasn't perfect was the look on his face. The perfect looking man in the mirror was horrified.

All of a sudden, a voice spoke. It was a soft one and Jeff wasn't even sure he heard it, but he understood what was said.

"This is how I see you."

As the voice faded away, so did Jeff's perfection. His room returned to the trench warfare he's always known. His face lost its glow while the pimple regained its shine. His clothes tattered themselves to the t-shirt and torn jean shorts he was sleeping in and his hair re-rustled itself into chaos.

Jeff didn't know what to do. He just stood there and for the first time saw the depravity of life around him.

His eyes began to water. His fists clenched as he tried to keep control but he couldn't. He started moving without really watching where he was going. He left the apartment, went down the hall, then down the stairs, then down the street. Before he realized where he was going, he stood before a large white house with a little fence around it. Two cars parked in the driveway. A tire swing hung limp on a tree in the front.

He wiped away the tears and took a step up the walk. But just one. He couldn't do it. Just one step was all he could muster.

The front door opened. A briefcase fell to the ground and the papers inside fanned themselves out on the walk.

"Jeffery?"

Shined black shoes ran down the walk and a father embraced his son for the first time in years. Tears flowed freely and knees buckled. Mom came running with her arms waving and her hair flying behind her. The three of them cried right there down on the walk, one step from the street.

Jeff tried to speak, but no words came out.

"Come inside, Son." Dad choked out. "We still have your room just the way you left it."

"Really?" Jeff asked.

"Well no..." Mom said. "I cleaned it up a little."

"Welcome home, Son."

"I'm sorry."

"Forgiven."

Should I Get a Regular Job?

2011-09-17T15:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I have so much to do, I don't want to do any of it. I have too many interests or too many hobbies or too many ministries. The thing is that I want to do everything, but I have neither the time nor the energy to do so. If I had the money, I could probably employ a handful of people full time to do all the things I want to get done.

Now I'm wondering if I should try and get a secular job. I don't want one. I want to do ministry full time, and I feel that I am, and I have faith that God will sustain me in this time, but it's a hard sell to a prospective wife.

I have nothing against working. I wouldn't mind the extra money. But I don't really want to give up ministry or more accurately, I don't want to give up the priority of ministry to a job. People with most kinds of jobs need to work when their boss tells them and it must come before their ministry to whomever they minister to. Since I currently work at a church, my employers understand that ministry is important and allow me to have a flexible schedule. I supposed I'm afraid of losing that.

That's why I typically go for jobs like Tutoring or Babysitting or even Substitute teaching where I have the choice to set my hours or to just say no. But it's not steady income and definitely not reliable. So today, I was thinking about looking for a night job at a hotel. When I worked at a hotel... over a decade ago... that makes me feel old... the night shift was from 11pm to 7am. Well that's just three hours later than I currently stay up now. That might work... but not on Saturday night.

I just don't know.

Another option is to try and get into teaching. This would either mean going back to school to get a credential or some educational units (if I'm going to work in a preschool) or teaching at a private school. If I look into it, maybe I could open a traveling private school and go around to student's homes and oversee their work on a weekly basis or something... I don't know. I'm just throwing up ideas.

I'm praying about what to do. I've been approached by a couple of concerned friends on this issue. Perhaps my time of uber-ministry is over and I need to start backing out of a few things. I don't want to. I love the ministries I've been a part of.

Please pray for me.

Times of Weakness

2011-08-31T03:33:00.000-07:00

It is in times of weakness where I wish I could go back on the promises I made to the Lord. I wish that the covenants I entered into were void since God doesn't hold others to that particular conviction. I wish I was younger in the Lord and I didn't know certain things were not okay with God, so I could continue to sin in ignorance.

But thankfully, times of weakness are temporary. The convictions I have that I wished I didn't keep me from acting out my heart when it is following the flesh. That's when I need convictions the most. No one has to remind me it's wrong to steal when I have everything I want. No one has to remind me that I shouldn't lie if the truth I have to tell is so wonderful that lying would only be boring. But it is when my focus is off of Jesus and on the winds and the waves around me that I start to sink. And I need His hand to pull me up and His voice to accuse me of having little faith. But I do have a little.

I do desire a right relationship with God. But I also desire others to have one too. Sometimes, when I'm in a time of weakness and listening to the flesh, the thought that other people look to me and my walk with God help motivate me to put my flesh aside. I'm not afraid that I would be judged, well maybe a little, but I'm afraid that I may lead others to stumble. I don't want to do that.

I want to set a good example of a God following, Chist Loving, Spirit driven man. I want the younger guys in my life to see that it is possible and something they can attain. (If I can do it, anyone can.) I want the young ladies to see that it is possible and that they shouldn't seek a relationship with anyone who loves God less. I want to give them a standard to compare whatever cute guy they are interested in against to see if he really loves God or not.

I want to live and love my Christ.

Some people notice that after times of Spiritual Retreats and "Mountain times," they encounter a huge trial. I would also like to suggest the reverse. After a time of weakness, a time of testing, a trial, if you hold onto the Lord, there is a Spiritual strengthening like the angels ministering to Jesus in the desert.

I usually find that in times of weakness, when I notice that I am weak... the first hour in the Word is the hardest. But every hour after that is amazing!

"Be fruitful and multiply." -God

It was a dark and stormy night.

2011-08-26T01:45:00.000-07:00

At evening, we got in the boat to sail across the sea. The wind was calm, but we caught a slight westward breeze that pushed us away from shore. Peter said at this rate, we'd be across in a couple of hours. I had just eaten a large meal so I stretched out on the bundles of fishing net and shut my eyes. Not a hour later, I wake up to a full fledge storm. It just came out of no where. Peter and Andrew are yelling out orders and the rest of us are straining to hear them over the wind and the waves crashing into the boat. James starts handing out oars and John is bailing water. I rush to the side and start paddling with all my might. The water is constantly spraying me in the face and a wave knocks me down. I almost drop my paddle. The darkness of the storm blocks out all view of land, although I looked across the sea before we left and could easily make out the mountains on the other side. We paddle and paddle and paddle for hours and hours and hours. My arms felt like jello. I take a few seconds longer to get up after each wave knocks me down and I'm drenched to the core. I've swallowed more water than John has been able to bail and it's starting to dawn on us that we might not make it. Peter and Andrew have stopped shouting and Andrew has his face in his hands. It's all over.

Matthew was the first one to see it. He was sitting right in front of me and I heard him scream. I look behind me to see what he's looking at and through the storm but the light of lightening, there is a figure on the sea. It disappears behind a wave and then appears again. Someone said ghost and we all panicked. We were all screaming and I heard someone mention jumping overboard. But just then the ghost spoke.

"Don't be afraid, it is I"

At once we recognized the voice. It was Jesus! He was walking on the water! Though our speech was frozen in our throats at first by fear, and now by awe, it was Peter who first spoke. He asked to walk on the water to Jesus, and Jesus said He could go! Then Peter actually jumps overboard and starts walking on water! He must truly be the greatest of the twelve. None of the rest of us even dared to ask. But then, as Peter is walking toward Jesus, up and down on the waves, he starts looking around. He looks at the wind and the waves and immediately, he began to sink. Jesus grabs him and helps him up and back into the boat. Just then, the storm stopped and we were at shore. It was the most amazing night in my entire life, but life with Jesus seems to be full of surprises. Just wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Closing Hour of Vacation

2011-08-24T17:03:00.001-07:00

As the closing hour of my vacation draws near, I feel as though I am not any wiser or any closer to the Lord than when I left. But I'm at peace. I have not worried or stressed or fought back any complaints for the last three days. I don't know if I was really expecting a change of life direction with this time, but I didn't get one. Instead I feel like I've laid down my burdens and stretched a bit. I still don't know which ones, if any, I need to give up. I'm still not sure whether God is planning on lightening my load or giving me a stronger back. But I do know He has something in mind. Guessing at what it might be is foolishness since my imagination cannot compare to the blessings God has already planned for me. Am I blessed? I am. I am truly and undeservingly blessed. And it's not because I'm good, but because the one who loves me is Good. And in His goodness and love will I forever dwell. Amen.

Day 1 of Not Existing

2011-08-23T01:03:00.000-07:00

I told everyone I knew... everyone I interacted with daily anyways, that I was going to cease to exist for a few days. I prearranged to be free from obligations and turned off my phone and closed my facebook tab on my internet browser. The point was to quiet myself before God.

One of the first things I did was to look up the word bless in blueletterbible.org

It is a fascinating word. It's Hebrew word is Barak and it appears in the Bible as follows:
bless 302
salute 5
curse 4
blaspheme 2
blessing 2
praised 2
kneel down 2
congratulate 1
kneel 1
make to kneel 1
misc 8

I was surprised as it has been translated as curse four times! That's the opposite meaning of the word! I then looked up where it was translated as curse so I could check the context. They are all in the beginning of Job. Once when Job was sacrificing in case his kids accidently cursed God. Twice when Satan said that Job would curse God if bad stuff happened. And finally once when Job's wife told him to curse God and die.

I couldn't just put in the translation bless instead of curse without changing the meaning of the sentence. I was so confused and tired. It was the end of a Sunday and an especially long one at that. I hadn't slept long the few previous nights because of ministry opportunities and I was wanting to catch some z's. So I put away the computer, gout out my big white fluffy Z catcher and went to sleep.

I'm still not sure about how that word got translated as curse or why the author of Job used that word there. But I prayed about it. For most of today, since about midnight Sunday night until fivish Monday afternoon, I went back and forth from sleeping to praying to reading to eating to sleeping to praying all day long. I feel wonderfully rested and my body feels like it's recovering from a lot of physical activity... which I think is just the stress in my muscles relaxing. But just because I'm being quiet before the Lord does not mean I'm not getting spiritually attacked.

This morning... at least it may have been morning... I wasn't paying attention to time a lot, I was praying a prayer of petition when I heard a distinct spiritual no. (Meaning it wasn't audible.) At first, I thought it was God, but it sounded different. (John 10:4) That no also doesn't jive to what I understand to be God's character in the way He's been leading me recently in this particular avenue. I was really expecting more of a, "not now." So at first, as I thought it was God, I was disappointed with that answer, but as I thought about the harshness of the "voice" and the inconsistency of God's character, I was a bit skeptical. So I prayed asking for confirmation and started to sing (only in my heart, not audibly) a song of Praise to the Father, Son, and the Spirit of God, and the gruff voice that told me no started to scream and shrink away. It was not God after all, and whatever it was, it could not stand it when I praise my real God.

Now on the subject, if God tells me no, and I know it was from Him, I would accept it. No is a much easier answer than wait and I can deal with disappointment. I can deal with heartbreak. I can deal with emotional pain by the boatload, but waiting is quite a bit harder. I don't want to go without God's guidance either, so I would rather wait than assume a yes. When it is time, and God says Yes, I'll let you know, but if I'm wrong and God does end up saying no, I'll probably not exist for a while longer to seek His will some more.

I've been praying about a lot of things while I'm non-existent, and I'm not getting a bunch of answers. I know it's only been a day, but I'm impatient like that. I have had a lot of dreams though. Some were pleasant and some were attacks. I remember being chased through a building. I'm not sure what was chasing me, but I wasn't scared. I don't know why I didn't face it, but I seemed to be confident of where I was going and why. I think it was a trick of some sort, but I do remember crawling through an air duct and barely fitting. In another dream, I was helping someone. I can't remember who or what I was helping with, but it was something big and that person couldn't have done it alone.

Speaking of alone, I don't mind being it. I actually enjoyed not talking to anyone. I enjoyed keeping my mouth shut and soaking up God's Word and books about God's Word. I enjoyed praying myself to sleep and waking up in a state of prayer. I enjoyed not existing, but I know that I must not stay this way. This is a special time that I get to enjoy between my and my Jesus, and although I would love to have all my time be this special, we (both me and Jesus) are called to be in the World spreading the news of the Kingdom and growing up believers.

My ministry is to help Him do His ministry of seeking and saving. We work together. He doesn't need me, but chooses to bring me along to work beside Him. He is showing me how to be a good husband in ministry for when He provides me with a wife. (If you are my future wife and you're reading this, I just want you to know that I'm studying really hard.)

One thing that I've been praying about in my life is time away from ministry to spend with Jesus like I'm doing now. It's not good to be so busy with work you don't spend quality time with Jesus. I've been struggling with that lately, but what can I give up? I love everything I do and I want to do more. But it's only for a season. When I get married, I can't do that anymore. I will need to spend time with my wife... (I told you I'm studying hard.) She will need to be a priority so we can minister effectively together.

That part of me that I've identified as the flesh has been acting up lately. It's been screaming and yelling and making all sorts of fuss. I've been able to step back from it and keep it from influencing my actions and most of my speech, but I've been praying for God to take it out. That's part of this time away. I think it gained strength as I took on more and more responsibility. I'm praying on what to do. I would love to do everything and more, but there are only so many hours in a day and days in a week. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak... actually my flesh has been strong lately, but it's also been a brat. Today, since I didn't exist, it hasn't been too bad. It has no power on days of prayer. Why can't all my days be days of prayer?

If anyone reading this is already married, make sure you take time to spend with your spouse. I cannot emphasize how important this is! After God, he/she must be your first priority, even before your kids! You cannot minister to your kids properly unless you and your spouse are working as one. Take time and spend it alone with your spouse! Call me if you need someone to watch your kids for you. I'll even do it for free if it's the only way you can get away. Also, in your time together, approach God together seeking His will and have it be a time between the three of you. You, your spouse, and the Almighty God! It's the best.

Oh, and for those of you who might worry that I don't exist... don't. I'm safe and cared after.

PS. I still haven't figured out the bless/curse thing yet. Google wasn't as helpful as I thought... either that or no one knows... or I just don't know what key words to search for.

Star Catcher

2011-08-19T03:11:00.000-07:00

Step by step, the mountains approach. A half an hour ago, they looked exactly the same as they do now, but only two days ago, I didn't even know they existed. I heard about them, but I didn't see them.

Majestic. Awe-inspiring, Holding up the sky.

Man, I have to climb them!

Part of me wants to give up. Part of me wants to move off the trail and lie down and wiggle my toes in the long grass.

But I'm not going to.

I'm going to climb the mountains like I planned. I'm going to keep moving forward. I'm going to use my hands to climb and one day, with God's help, I'll stand at the top. I'll reach up and grab a star and put it in a bottle. It will be the light of my house. It will be a gift to my wife. It will be blessing that killed me to get it.

I will return a different man than I was when I left.

The old me, the one that wants to lie down and wiggle my toes in the grass, will cease to exist, and only Jonathan the mountain conquerer will be left. Jonathan the star catcher. Jonathan the light bringer. Jonathan the God truster.

One day. Just you wait and see.

One day.

Camping

2011-08-06T23:03:00.000-07:00

Today, I became a drifter. I drifted with the current down the Feather River with beloved friends and enjoyed God's beauty and the serenity of His creation. Some people fished and there were actually fish jumping out of the water. I paddled and we got stuck once... I broke a paddle trying to get us free.

This was my first time river kayaking and I enjoyed it. I would do it again if given the opportunity.

But what I loved more was the friends and fellowship we shared. It's different doing things for the sake of doing the thing and doing things for the sake of doing something with friends. If I was going to kayak for the sake of kayak, I would have gone by myself and wouldn't have gotten so wet. But as it was, I had three people on my Kayak and there were many times when I just pulled my paddle and sat enjoying the day... until someone splashed me. Of course I splashed back.

God did not determine for us to travel though life alone. This doesn't mean look for that special someone, but love everyone that God puts in your path. He provides through people as much as He provides for people through you. Just being a friend, even if you don't feel like you did any good, sometimes, is what God is using to show that He cares.

So go camping, paddle down a river, and bring a friend along.

The Rocks Cry Out

2011-08-05T02:49:00.000-07:00

The rocks cried out a week after Jesus said they would. When He rode on a donkey into Jerusalem, the pharisees asked Him to tell the people to stop worshipping Him. He said that if they stopped the rocks would cry out. They did.

A week later, when Jesus hung on the cross, no one worshipped Him. They mocked Him of fled for their own lives. When He died on that cross, the rocks cried out in a giant earthquake and the veil was torn. Who heard their cry? A Roman Soldier who could then proclaim, "Truly this was the Son of God."

Three days later, when Jesus rose from the dead, the rocks cried out once again, releasing from their depths the dead who had died in faith.

One day, I will ascend to heaven. I will ascend to the Glory of my Master and I will leave behind pain and sickness and death itself. My home is not of this world. If my home was of this world, I would fight for it. Instead I stand in the gap. Preaching the Gospel until God takes me home... and after God takes me home, the rocks will cry out once again.

God is Faithful

2011-08-01T05:07:00.000-07:00

My life recently has consisted of every good thing except a goodnight's sleep. I've had great ministry opportunities and challenges as well as fruit and fellowship. I've experienced joy as well as sorrow. I've struggled with sin and have claimed my victory in Christ.

I have learned a lot about love. Stuff I already knew. Stuff I understood, but didn't have words for.

Love is a strange thing. With the love of God, we can love both a complete stranger and that special someone. Our love for the stranger isn't diminished next to the love of that special someone, but it's different.

Love for a stranger is looking at and seeing Christ in that lonely face. Seeing the Jesus that I so desire to minister to behind that flesh and that mask of eyes. Going out of your way to help someone you don't know is not only right, but joyful. It's like singing songs into the wind. No one knows what you're doing, but you know God hears.

But love for that special someone is more constant. It's giving over of your life and disciplining your body to be a slave to your will for hours on end. It's finding joy in making that someone blessed at every expense. It's knowing that my own bodily desires are even further down the list of priorities and only after every need and want of this other person is satisfied, do my own desires even dare to show themselves.

Sleep is the present reward of trust and joy is the present reward of hope. Tonight, I shall lay my head down in sweet surrender, completely believing that my God is faithful.

Literary Vomit... I'll sort through it later.

2011-07-23T00:22:00.000-07:00

How do I begin to relate the last week? It's been incredible. God has delivered brand new believers into our body. There were about a dozen kids and one parent who gave their lives to the Lord at VBS Oroville this last week. I learned about 100 new names and spent some time (not enough) with some very dear friends.

Let me put it this way...

I woke up in a dream. It was a garden of sorts, and everything was familiar, but different. Paved paths led nowhere and dirt paths would lead me wherever I wanted to go. All the signs pointed up, and the people I met were strangers, but loved me like family. I dug, I planted, I watered, I harvested. I reached into those little artichokes and touched their little hearts. I cared and tendered along with other workers a wonderful garden. We learned the names all the plants and rejoiced over them with singing.

I dug my toes in the soil and rested in the shade of creation. I drank from the eternal well and slept amongst the sweet sweat of a hard days work. I worked alongside a most valued friend and we worked together tired continually with smiles on our faces and encouragement in our voices.

It was a mountain we cast into the sea. It was walking on water. It was raising the dead and healing the sick and setting free those who have been captive. It was living by having faith and trust in the living God.

I did the work, but God gets the glory. The work I did is just a dim reflection as in a puddle of what God was doing beyond our vision.

You know that song that says, "if we are the body, why aren't His hands moving?" I don't know who that guy is, but I challenge him to come out of the studio and serve in a VBS. He'll be singing a different tune. Maybe something along the lines of "How Wonderful Thou Art."

Don't think I'm really dead.

2011-07-11T23:59:00.001-07:00

So I just died tonight. I bared my chest and let myself be stabbed. I fell forward and could feel the blood flowing from me and engulfing me. The empty space left inside my chest pained as the cool air rushed in to fill the space. It's so hard to sleep when you die.

I was actually lying in bed after a hard phone call. If God made me a cryer, I would dehydrate myself with sorrow. It's not so much as what was said as what wasn't said.

Diversion tactics.

Defensive maneuvers.

I am not the enemy.

"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under [her] wings, but you were not willing!" Matthew 23:37

Love and Relationships

2011-07-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

So lately, I've dealt with a lot of relationships. Not my own, but for some reason I've had a few long conversations about it recently. And although I thoroughly preach against dating, it seems to happen anyway and I'm helping people deal with their break ups or problems with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

One of the questions I ask is why. Why do you love him or her?

Answers are usually along the lines of: funny, smart, cute, pretty, hot, Christian, etc.

And although those are attributes of a person that you may like, they are weak reasons for love. How many of those things would the person have to lose before you stop loving them? How many of those things were we when Christ died for us?

This, in my waking understanding at 6something am, is love:

I'm giving you my heart, fully knowing you are going to break it and drop it and stomp on it and desecrate it, either willingly or unwillingly, but I will pick up the pieces, wash them off, put them back together, and give it back to you just so you can do it again. And I will do this over and over until I die or Jesus takes me home.

I believe we choose to love, not choose to feel love as if it were a noun, but choose to love as if it were a verb. We love when it's hard. We love when it hurts. We love when it seems impossible and we are being abused. We love when we can't take it anymore and all our friends tell us that it's hopeless. We love because we were first loved.

Now just because we love doesn't mean we get into relationships. I can love friends that way and never date them. Love doesn't equal sex. Love doesn't equal marriage. Love doesn't equal attraction. Love equals sacrifice. Love equals loss. Love equals suffering. If you are not willing to suffer at the hands of the one you love, you do not love that one. You love you.

Therefore, dating is not the expression of love. Dating is the cheaper form of marriage. People date because, for whatever reason, they don't want to commit to marriage and settle for dating. The more I deal with it, the more I hate it. The more I see of it, the more I see the destruction it brings. As I see those two who are dating grow closer together, the more I see them grow farther from others who love them and hurt and suffer for them. It's an imitation of what God made to be between a man and a woman and we are selling out. God has given us His heart, and we break it and drop it and stomp on it and desecrate it. And He just keeps handing it back so we can do it again.

How He loves us is wonderful. I love my God.

Pain and being in it

2011-06-27T00:56:00.000-07:00

There is so much pain in the world. I feel like a collector lately. People hurt, so I share in their pain. I listen and grieve and apologize for things I never did. I try hard not to excuse bad behavior, but I try to steer away from self-righteousness and blame shifting. It's all my fault.

I hurt you. I did it. Blame it on me. I took your world and smashed it with a hammer. I broke through your defenses and left you cold and beaten amongst the stones. But I also bled with you. I also died with you. I also tasted the bitterness of defeat with you.

I've been senseless and hurtful and selfish. Will you forgive me? I loved only me before but now I love you and I don't want you to be alone anymore. If you have to take it out, take it out on me. If you have to talk it out, talk it out to me.

I'm here to be the hero, the villain, the victim, or the therapist that tells you it's going to be okay. I'm the detective that helps you find the good in evil. Reverse evil and live. There is good in everything and we need to look.

I'm here to hold your hand, to brace your back, to catch you when you fall. I'm here to lead the way, to pull you through, to stay with you through it all. I'm here for you.

My heart is tender, but not weak. If feels pain, but not defeat. My victory comes from pain and through pain. It comes from the pain of the cross. I am a messenger of God with one message.

This ain't over yet. Just wait and see.

Okay... maybe that's two. But I'll wait with you.

The Cry of a Faithful Shepherd is For the Lost Sheep

2011-05-24T02:12:00.000-07:00

Dawn is approaching and the watchman drowses at his post. The shift is almost ever. A hot bowl of soup is calling his name and his bed sent him a written invitation. His heavy breaths turn to sighs and his sighs turn to yawns. Between the long blinks of his eyelids, something moves in the distance. He shakes himself awake and stares out into the rising light. There is a figure approaching. Just one. An among this figure, there are moving things at his feet.

It is a shepherd and his flock. The call is made down to the gatekeeper to open the gate. The flock is thin and the shepherd is weary. Water is brought and wounds are dressed. The shepherd nearly collapses in his own tears. He shakes and convulses in grief.

The warmth of a hand penetrates his torn garment over his shoulder. A gentle Voice speaks. "Well done, good and faithful servant." The shepherd looks up into his Master's face. The Master's smile lightens with the day, but still the shepherd sobs.

"I have lost many sheep, my Lord, and the hired hands have deserted me." He wipes the snot away with his sleeve. "We've been attacked by wild beasts, and I protected the sheep. Men tempted me to leave the sheep and I wouldn't go, but they beat me with clubs and coaxed away the little ones." His voice choked and rubbed his eyes with his palms. I called the sheep to me, but many ran after these men and did not return. I've failed you, my Lord." The shepherd bowed himself to the ground as low as he could get. His shame and disgrace emanated like a fog and all who watched bowed their heads in empathy.

All except the Master.

"Your instructions were to bring me my sheep. That you have done. Through hardships and toils and deceit and temptations, you have brought me my sheep. Those that were lost will be avenged. I have already sent for that to be done, but that is no concern of yours." The master bend down and lifted the countenance of the shepherd with a single touch. "Come, be cleansed and wash up. Eat some food and regain your composure. We go to see my Father. He has a reward for you."

As the Master led the shepherd away, the watchman wiped away his own tear. He looked out past the wall to see four horses ride out to carry out the Master's will. He looked down at the sheep who had arrived safely and watched as they lay down to rest. Rest welcomes all, but some are too burdened to accept it. These sheep are home and safe and free. The shepherd is comforted and justice will soon be paid. It is a new day.

Misplaced Japanese

2011-04-12T00:49:00.000-07:00

I was reading online today about how the camps for the evacuees in Japan are getting full and although people are getting enough food and shelter, their living conditions aren't the best for long term housing. The long term housing solution that Japan does have is coming but the radiation is making it tricky.

I have a spare bedroom in my apartment. I could house one older gentleman. Do you think Japan will send me one? The price of a plane ticket must be less than it costs to feed and house him. My heart suddenly filled with compassion for the Japanese as I was reading the article and I want to help, but I don't have money or resources other than prayer and this extra room. I'm already praying. Does anyone else feel like hosting a Japanese quake refugee?

Paper Walls

2011-02-16T00:19:00.000-08:00

Some people show their emotions openly. Others build fortresses of steel. I hide mine behind paper walls. If you tried, you could come right through, but no one tries. If you looked hard enough, you could see right through, but no one looks. If you listened, you would hear me cry, but this world is designed to distract. This world is built to block. I don't want to live here anymore.

I take it upon myself to break through walls. I can't do them all. But I've moved many. Every time, it has been ugly. Our emotions eat us alive. They ravage us until we are nothing but a slight sliver of hope. But there is hope, however small. And nurtured and cared for, that hope grows into faith. That faith grows into understanding and that understanding grows into walking. And the water that feeds it is the word and the soil that the roots take hold in is none other than the love of our living God.

Breakdown someone's wall. Nurse life into death. Feed the starved. Clothe the naked. Love the hurt and scared.

Everyone who lives, dies.
Everyone who loves, cries.
But we do it together, and that makes it better.
Us, and our Living God.

I Got Nothin'

2011-02-07T23:04:00.000-08:00

I stand in front of large wooden doors. My fist is poised to knock. My other hand hangs tentatively at my side. I have nothing to show. I have nothing to report. Whatever is expected on the other side, I don't have it.

But there's no turning back. There's no where else to go. Whatever I would try and do, these doors and what awaits on the other side would loom over me like my own personal rain cloud. I have to go in. I have to stand there and admit that I got nothin'.

One knock.

The doors open. A bright light illuminates the crack between the doors and widens in front of me. When my eyes adjust to the change, I step in. My hands are shaking so I place them behind my back. My head is down and I watch my feet walk across the floor.

I feel that kneeling is proper so I do that with my head still down. In a small voice, I announce that I have nothing to show. I've spent it all and I've brought nothing back.

"Jonathan," a familiar voice says, "you've sent it all ahead. Look at what you have earned me."

Having bitterness removed from your heart is like...

2011-02-04T23:26:00.000-08:00

I don't remember being shot. I woke up lying in the mud. My body is cold and wet. I'm shaking. My blood is all around. There's so much. It's hard to breathe. How long have I been lying here? I'm so tired.

There are noises over me. Pain races through my system. I let out a scream. I feel the weight of someone on my stomach. Sweat is pouring out my skin. I'm cold on the inside. My vision is blurred. The pain won't stop.

He's digging in. I feel the cold tweezers digging deeper into my stomach. It hurts. I scream. I cry. The pain is too much.

He pulls it out. The bullet is so small. Such a little thing brought so much pain. I still hurt, but I'm bandaged and under blankets. I'm still shaking, but not as much. I'm still cold, but not as much. I'm going to live.

I keep it in a jar beside my bed. I stare at it when I can't sleep. It hurt so much to get it out. I don't even remember feeling it go in. But it is poison. It would have killed me. At the time, I didn't care. It hurt so much that I would have rather died. But now I live, and that bullet in a jar is a reminder. Death is at the door, but pain is the threshold to life.

Type something! Anything! It's been too long.

2011-01-31T00:35:00.000-08:00

It's cloudy inside. The day does little to break through the mist of the mind. I swim in the oceans looking for land. Something, anything solid. The fish nibble at my toes, I can feel them, but when I turn around, they're gone. It seems like days, but it has only probably been minutes. I'm tired. I hold my breath and float for a moment, letting my arms rest. The water is cold and it laps up my skin as if to claim me. There's a feeling of struggle and a temptation to give up. There's that nag in my stomach that says that I just can't go any further. My mind contemplates defeat. The first bit of water that goes down my throat throws my body into a violent struggle for life. I won't give up. I cannot be defeated. I must continue to swim. Land must be just ahead, it has to be. With a newfound strength and energy, I kick death behind me. With every stroke, I grab onto life itself and pull myself forward. I swim with my head down, my eyes closed, hoping and praying that the next time I open my eyes, I'll see land. I turn my head to the side and take a breath. The air is warmer now, I can feel the warmth in my lungs. I swim harder. I can't look yet. I don't. My muscles start to burn. The second wind is nearly exhausted. I don't know how much farther I can swim. I take another breath. The air is almost tropical. I can feel the sun on my back. I hear a bird cry. Now. It's time. Look.

The water is warm. I can float on my back without trying. The clouds break in the blue sky. It's tranquil. I close my eyes. I can almost fall asleep. I move my fingers upon the surface of the water. I play it like a piano. Something touches my legs. Seaweed? I don't want to get up. I don't want to look. Just let it happen. Whatever happens, just let it happen.

I look up to the surface. I can still see the sky but the clouds are gone. My breath is bursting in my lungs. My lips are getting tired of holding it all in. I let a bubble go. Then another. The seaweed embraces me like a certain couch I know. I'm sinking. Shapes block the sunlight from the surface. Hands reach down and grab my arms. I'm violently wrenched out of the water and dumped onto something hard. I cough and sputter and spit up water. The wind is cold and harsh on my skin. I hear people talking, but I don't understand. Someone strikes me on the back. Again. Again. I have no energy left. I sleep.

It's cloudy outside. It's been day for hours and the sun has yet to show itself upon the earth. I stare at the clouds from behind glass. The bed is hard. The sheets are stiff, and this tube in my arm is too short to allow me to turn over. The one in my nose is uncomfortable, but every time I remove it, someone comes in and yells at me. I don't yell back. I don't say anything. The sea has stolen my voice.

She walks back into the room. I don't know what she's saying, but she's not happy. She scolds like a mother. The clouds are still angry outside. She checks tubs and dials on the machine and she leaves again. I wiggle my toes so much that the sheet that covers them falls off. The air in here is stale. It tastes funny. The taste gets stuck in the back of my tongue and no matter what kind of face I make, I can't get rid of it. If only I could reach the window. If only I could get it open and stick my head out. Maybe I could climb out and fly away, into the clouds. Push them away to reveal the sun like pulling back a curtain on stage. Here it is world, the one you've been waiting for. Put your hands together and welcome the sun.

The clouds are so white. It's like God has a blank canvas and has not yet painted the sky. The window doesn't open. I tried yesterday. The nurse had to come back and put the tube back in my arm. I hate the tube. I think if I could, I would just float away. Not fly, just float. I would float to the clouds like I was under water, floating back to the surface. I would reach the top and then see the sky for what it really is.

They don't know who I am. I don't know who I am. They talk and they talk to me and all I want to do is go outside. But I can't. So I just stare out the window, waiting for the clouds to break. They talk loud and use their hands to gesture. I leave my body and walk around them. They can't see my spirit. They are still talking and gesturing, but I'm not there anymore. I'm down the hall. I'm riding the elevator. I'm walking out the door and feeling the breeze on my face. I feel a smile coming on. But it doesn't come. I open my eyes and I'm still back in bed with the same people talking to me and gesturing at me. Freedom is a dream.

I can walk now. I could always walk, but now I'm allowed to. I can eat food and drink liquids and I don't need the tubes anymore. I never needed them. I eat what they give me, but it all tastes the same. Some looks like chicken and other looks like beef, but they taste the same as vegetables and rice. It must be a miracle to get so many foods coming into that kitchen and turn it all into the same stuff. I'm still not talking. The sea has my voice and I haven't been allowed to go get it back. They gave up talking to me. They try every once in a while, but for the most part, they leave me alone. I'm allowed to walk the hall. There is one window there that can open. I stand beneath it until they push me back to bed. I can taste the freedom when I'm there.

I have a name, but no one knows it. They gave me a name, but I don't respond. I turn invisible three times a day. I see it when they look at me, and then their eyes lose focus and they look right through me. I move around as I wish, but the doors are all locked. I still can't escape. I stand under the window, sipping the freedom.

My back itches. I think I'm sprouting wings. I can feel them beneath the skin by my shoulder blades. Any day now, they're going to break through the skin like the sun will break the clouds. Any day now.

I can see through time. I see the past in my room. An old woman who broke her back died in my bed. She had family. They were here when she passed. It was the first time they had been together in fifteen years. Her death brought her sons back together. She died happy.

Today, I'm hiding under the bed. It's my escape day. I will hide under the bed when they come to give me food. When they see me missing, they will unlock the doors to look for me. Then I will turn invisible and just walk out. Once out, I'll take off my shirt, spread my wings, and fly away. I'll go up to the clouds and I'll be home. The sea can keep my voice. I don't need it anymore. I don't want it. I'm going home today. I know it. I saw the sign. The sun sent a beam through the clouds to my window. I'm going home.

Christian Pre-Marital Relationships

2010-11-01T00:52:00.001-07:00

This is my current thought of what Christian Pre-Marital Relationships should be.

A couple of notes before I reveal my thoughts:

1. I didn't think of this while contemplating my own situation, but a couple of people I know who are getting "close" and might ask me about it soon.

2. I'm not completely sold on the idea yet. I'm still mulling it over and would love to hear any (improving) thoughts that you may have.

From a guy's perspective, a Christian Pre-Marital Relationship is him showing her that he is equipped by God (thought faith) to be the leader in a relationship so that when God does tell them to marry, she will have a slightly less difficult time submitting to his leadership.

I do not even have a desire right now to contemplate the girl's perspective on this. I'll leave that for another time. Any thoughts? You can tell me it's rubbish if you want, but if you do, you better supply something better.

Why Our Prayers Don't Work

2010-10-29T01:55:00.001-07:00

The simple, but wrong explanation to why we don't get what we pray for is that we don't have enough faith. That is the cop out answer to any preacher who prays for something that doesn't happen. Faith is hope for something that we can't see (paraphrase of Hebrews 11:1) and if we believe in something that we can't see, that is faith. The problem with our prayers is, in fact, our prayers. The whole idea that we expect our prayers to work in the first place leads us down the wrong path. We start to think that God doesn't love us or doesn't care or doesn't listen or can't listen, but none of those is true. God can listen, He does listen, He does care, and He loves us more than we can know or understand. We just need to understand what prayer is.

Prayer is communication with God. Asking Him for stuff happens in prayer, but if all your prayers are you asking God for stuff, then I'm not surprised that they don't work. Instead, you are supposed to commune with God. Talk to Him. Listen to Him. Tell Him how you honestly feel about what's going on, but don't complain about it. Don't blame Him for the consequences of your actions. It may be best to first understand who you are.

You are a sinner. You're a worthless piece of dung. Your best works are as dirty as menstrual rags to God. There is nothing that you can say or do to get close to God. You don't deserve Him. You deserve to die a horrible and torturous death. Have a nice day. But that's not the end of it. Next, let's look at who God is.

God is a loving Creator. He made man to be with Him forever, but Adam's mistake threw the entire human race away from the presence of our loving God. However, God, being so loving, sent His one and only Son Jesus from Heaven to Earth to live and die as a replacement sacrifice for us. He took that horrible and torturous death upon Himself. We have gotten so used to the cross that we make them out of gold and hang them around our necks as jewelry, but it was an instrument of torture that make the guillotine and the electric chair PG in comparison. God loved us so much that He crawled into our filthy world and let us kill Him. All so that He could suffer the most in order to make His death a worthy sacrifice. This is the God we pray to.

Also, God is the Creator of the universe. He holds it in the span (palm) of His hand. In the way Michael Jordan would palm a basketball, God can do that with the universe. He's a big God. He's a consuming fire, and next to Him, "insignificant" seems too gracious of a word to describe us. What makes us think that we can demand anything of Him?

I've met and talked to people who believe that there is a God, and they believe that God loves them and wants their love in return, so they try and bargain with God, using their "love" as a bargaining chip. "I'll love you," they say, "if you get me..." Of course their terminology is one step closer to the King James Bible, but God sees through that one easily. He isn't impressed by our vocabulary or by any thee's and thou's. He may not even listen to our words but I know He listens to our hearts.

So what's the point of praying to God? Why can't we just feel good things about Him in our hearts?

First of all, God tells us to pray. That should be enough. If it's not enough, then pray anyway. You need it. God wants us to be one inside and out. We cannot be doing bad on the outside and be good on the inside. We can't fool God or take the easy way out. We need to actually pray.

The next thing we need to realize is that Jesus dying on the cross for us washes away our sins. God decides to no longer see sin when He looks at us because every sin we have committed, are committing, or will commit is already paid for on the cross. (That doesn't mean we can go on sinning on purpose. That's an outward sign of a heart that is not following God.) And since God doesn't see sin anymore, we have the freedom to approach God as a child approaches a father.

Prayer is that approach. The power of prayer is the power of the one we pray to. If I fashioned a marshmallow and prayed to it, then the power of that prayer would be only as powerful as the marshmallow. But since I pray to the almighty God, the power of my prayer is limitless. When I approach the Father, I don't just come to Him to dump my problems in His lap. I come to be with Him. My prayer works because I'm with Him. He doesn't have to say, "yes," to all my requests for me to consider my prayer successful. In fact, He tells me, "no," most of the time. So much so that when He does say, "yes," I'm quite surprised. And when I pray, my requests (supplications is the fancy Bible word for requests) are just a small part of my prayer. I spend a lot of time telling Him who He is (not that He needs to know, but if I begin my prayers saying that God is wonderful, more of my requests sound to me like whining) and thanking Him for what He's already done. I realize that I don't even deserve to be alive, and that means that I don't really need to ask Him for anything, since I already have more than I deserve.

But here's the cool part: God loves to bless us anyways. I can still ask for things and He can still give them, but by the time I do ask, I don't even need them anymore. I just think they'd be cool. I just ask in case God is just wanting me to ask. The real thing that I want and the real thing that I need, I already have. An intimate relationship with my Father and Creator. Everything else is just bonus.

Now about answered prayers. God answers prayers. I've seen it happen. He does perform miracles and healings and all sorts of things that we read about in the Bible. He doesn't do it every time we ask, but He does do it when He sees fit. We can't command God like He's a genie. In fact, the more demanding we get, the less likely He's going to do it. When Jesus was teaching and performing miracles left and right, He refused to show the Pharisees a sign when they asked. He's not a performing monkey to do tricks, He's the ruler of the universe and if we can just see a glimpse of who He really is, our prayers would change dramatically.

So to see God, I can only recommend reading the Bible (yes, the whole thing) and praying. God will reveal Himself through His word and through prayer. Just seek Him.

Some Bible verses that I've been contemplating while writing this are Matthew 6:8-13, 12:38-42, 18:19-20, and James 4:2-7. Be sure to read those verses in context, so you know what God is really talking about. Pray about them before during and after your reading and I'm certain God will reveal Himself to you. It is, after all, what He wants to do anyways.

Circle of Friends

2010-10-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

Let's try some fiction.

There was a boy named Jimmy, living down the hill from town. He was a poor boy, but he amused himself quite easily, walking along the creek near his house and watching all the things that God created doing the things they were created to do. He would see a stone splitting the water in two, but then two halves come together seamlessly on the other side of the stone, and he would wonder how that works. If he tore a bit of cloth, he could not mend it again, and when his mother mended it for him, he would be able to see the stitch, but water didn't have any. He followed an any, just to see where it would go, and it traveled for about a mile along the creek, walking without break with its six little legs, until it came upon candy bar wrapper washed ashore. It took a bit of chocolate off the wrapper and turned around and went back the way it came. Jimmy didn't mind not having the nice clothes or living outside of town. He actually considered himself luckier than those other boys who poked fun at him at school, but were afraid to walk in the mud. When they did make fun of him, he would try and get them dirty. This was great fun to Jimmy.

One day, a man in a fine suit was walking down the road from town. As he passed Jimmy's house, he tipped his hat. Jimmy, who was catching a frog in the front yard, waved back. Jimmy watched as the man walked by and notices something odd about him. He had a tail. It was like a cat tail, brown and furry, and swayed as the man walked. Jimmy forgot all about the frog he was catching and followed this man at a distance. He wanted to ask about the tail, but he didn't want to seem rude. In fact, he wished he had a tail. He didn't want to blend in with the other humans in town, so he stayed dirty and if he had a tail, that would make him look even less like them.

The man stopped and turned around. Jimmy stopped where he was too. "Are you following me?"

"I was wondering, and I don't want to be rude, but how come you have a tail?"

"Oh this?" The man plucked his tail from the air as if he was picking fruit from a tree. "Everyone in my family has one of these." He smiled, took off his hat, and bend down to be eye level with Jimmy, even though they were still quite far apart. "You see, I only look like a human. In fact, I'm a Tribarn and I'm only here on business.

"What kind of business?" Jimmy has so many other questions that tried to come out at once. That question was the only one that came out.

"I came to buy this suit." He stood up at full length and straightened out his vest and tie. "What do you think? Is it the finest in town? We have nothing like this back at home."

"I don't like it." Says Jimmy. "You can't get those suits dirty and you always get dirty when you play. It may look nice to you, but it looks like a prison to me."

The man frowned for a minute as he thought about Jimmy's answer. "I see your point. But if you play all the time and get dirty, which may be fun, people look at you and they don't think about how much fun you have, but they think of how dirty you are and they don't want to touch you."

"Because they don't want me to get their suits dirty." said Jimmy.

"That's right." Said the man, "But some people just don't like being dirty." He knelt down again and with his finger, drew a circle in the dirt with his finger. "Take a look at this circle. This circle represents the people that care about you enough to listen to you. In it, you have your mother and father," he dropped a couple of rocks in the circle he drew. "Here's me," he dropped in another rock, "and is there anyone else?" He picked up a few more rocks to drop in the circle.

Jimmy thought about the stone in the water, the ant by the creek, the frog in the front yard. "There's no one else, sir." Jimmy said. I like being by myself.

"Then you will always be. But you see, if you want friends, you have to care less about what you like, having fun and getting dirty, and more about what they like."

"But they make fun of me."

"Well I never said that you had to be their friends, but if you would rather have friends than enemies, that's how you would get them."

"So I have to pretend to like their stuff?"

"Nope, but in wanting to be friends with them, if you really care, you will end up liking their stuff just because you like them."

"But what if I don't want any friends. They're a bunch of snobs. They don't deserve to have a friend like me."

"Anger hurts the angry person the most. If you stay enemies, they will gather together to talk about how dirty you are and they will have a laugh, but you will be over here by yourself being angry."

Jimmy stood silent.

The man stood back up, wiped the dust from his fingers, and put his hat back on. "Well, it's been nice chatting with you. I must be going now. Have a wonderful day." The man walked down the road, around the bend, and out of sight. Jimmy stood there are stared at him until dark.

Later that night, while Jimmy was in bed, he thought about what the man had said. His words swam through his thoughts like goldfish in a tank, always circling, never stopping. The next day at school, when the other boys came over to make fun of him, Jimmy spoke up first before they had a chance. "Why don't you like to get dirty?"

"Because we don't want to mess up these nice clothes." The oldest boy said.

"But don't you like to play?" Jimmy asked

"Of course."

"Then why do you make fun of me if I get to do what you want to do, but can't."

The oldest boy brought his finger to his lips and thought for a minute. "I don't know."

"Do you have any clothes you can play in?" Jimmy asked.

"Yeah, we have play clothes at home."

"Wanna come over after school and catch frogs?"

From that day on, Jimmy had friends to share his discoveries with. He led them on hikes and expeditions to discover the creations of God. They searched the forests all around for the man with the tail, but they never saw him again, but that afternoon, Jimmy went out to that road where they spoke, and dropped a bunch of rocks in the circle.

Discipleship

2010-10-19T03:01:00.000-07:00

Our God is a god who values relationships. They are the most important thing to Him. So much so that He sent His only Son to restore a broken relationship between us and Him. He gives us marriage relationships and parental relationships as pictures of what our relationship with God is supposed to be like, and as pictures represent in part, but never fully take the place of what the image is of, so is marriage and parenting. They are incomplete, almost 2 dimensional pictures of our relationship with God. The work comes after. God was ready to destroy His people in the wilderness and start over again with Moses. He offered to start a line with Jereboam if he would follow His ways. God is not worried about His reputation. He will not prefer to keep someone in a position to make Him look good if that person doesn't have a good relationship with Him. Look at Saul. His kingdom fell apart when He stopped following God.

That being so, what takes priority in your life? Is your relationship with God your number one priority? How much time do you actually spend with Him? Jesus, being Himself God, constantly tried to get away from the crowds to pray and commune with the Father. How often do we get away? How high on our priority list is prayer?

After our relationship with the Father, who's next? Husband, wife, children, boyfriend, girlfriend, roommates, best friends, bff's... who? Do our relationships with those people mean more to us than our jobs? Not in today's culture. When meeting new people, we ask, "What do you do?" instead of, "Are you married?" We are more interested in results than relationships.

What if our relationships were the results God is looking for? Maybe the talents He gives His servants isn't money in the parable, but opportunities to fellowship. The one who has been given ten makes ten more, likewise the one with five makes five more, but the one who has one hides himself away and is... well... scolded... severely... with weeping and gnashing of teeth.

In our busy schedules, who do we make time for? Who do we show our love for in other ways than just telling them or sending candy on Valentine's day? Is there anyone in our lives who would cause us to break from our routines so that we could minister to that person? Is there only one?

Jesus chose 12 disciples in whom He would invest His time. He called them from their jobs to spend three years walking with Him everywhere. (They didn't know it would be three years and I don't know if any of them (other than the fishermen, but that was only for a day) went back to their previous jobs.) And out of those 12, He chose 3. He wanted to show them how to live a life for God and although He ministered to thousands, these 12 helped (or often hindered) His ministry.

Who have you chosen to invest time and energy into showing how to imitate Christ? Do you know that you are supposed to have disciples? We are told to make them of all nations, are we not? Even if you do not call them disciples, is there someone in your life who is newer to the faith than you are that you can train and teach and raise up so that they can do the same? This isn't the Pastor's job. It's the Christian's. The sheep don't only follow the shepherd, they also follow each other. Other sheep are following you and if you are not putting an importance on your relationship with the Shepherd, what are they going to do?

1 Chronicles 11:1.

Look it up.

Fighting the gods of Comfort and Convenience

2010-09-30T00:41:00.001-07:00

Comfort

So my life has been a bit harder the last week. I can't say it was really hard because I know that there are a lot of people suffering out there and my hardships cannot compare. It started with minor back pain that got worse over the span of a few days. It was in my lower back, and at its worst, I couldn't even stand up straight. Lots of thoughts poured through my mind. I thought of Pastor Sam's bulging disc. I thought of the fact that I have no health insurance. I wondered if I lifted something the wrong way. I thought that I should take it easy on my back for a few days, but then thought that maybe I need to push through the pain and just deal with it. I can live with pain, I had braces. (My orthodontist wasn't the most gentle and I could have probably nailed him on some health violations if I wasn't a teenager and ignorant.) I was debating whether or not I should tell people about it. I didn't want to hide my problems or seem like I'm without need, but I didn't want to complain or ask for sympathy. So I kept my mouth shut for the most part and hid my pain contorted faces from the people around me. I prayed about it a lot, of course, and was just settling it into my head that I might have to live with this as a "thorn in the flesh" when God revealed to me what it is. It made me laugh. I'm just getting stronger. Last Monday, I took a long ride on my longboard. Apparently, there's a set of muscles in my back that one only uses when riding a long board and this whole time, it has been those muscles that have been sore. I never gave them much of a chance to recuperate since I've been long-boarding to get around after my car had problems. They hurt the worst when I've been reclining and try to get up. If I'm active, the pain is lessened. However, during this short trial, I determined not to let it hinder me. God taught me that pain is not the result, but the journey. I can't be afraid of it. I have to endure. As much pain as I was in, it was nothing compared to what Jesus endured on the cross. It is nothing compared to what I deserve. I apply this to relationships too. If I invest in a relationship, I know that I'm going to get hurt. The amount of pain I feel is directly proportional to the amount I care about this person. Will it hurt? Yes. Can I live through it? Yes. Is it worth it? Well... more hesitantly, but still resolute... Yes. I will not be run by the god of Comfort. I will be run by a God of Peace and Rest. I can have peace and rest in discomfort. I don't blame anyone for my physical ailments (when I have them) and I am not going to worry about health insurance. If I can ever afford it, I may get it, but since I can't, I won't worry. If I get sick, I'll just be sick until God makes me better. If that keeps me crippled or hurting for the rest of this life, that's okay too. This life isn't that long, but the next one is going to be forever. Jesus is coming back any time now anyways. And even if He waits a bit longer, 60 years will pass by like that... if I live that long. I'm not planning on it. I want to go to Heaven as soon as possible. (By the way, my back feels a lot better.)

Convenience

I will also not be run by a god of Convenience. My car, Malchus, is having problems. I'm emotionally ready to say goodbye to this car, although he has been a good car. He's lasted longer than I expected. He's run when he shouldn't have (on no coolant) and I'm without a car until either he gets fixed or I get another car. But this isn't the first time I've been without a car. Not having a car is actually a bit freeing. I rather like it. It's not just the money, but I think the more we do without conveniences, the more joy we put into doing things for the Lord. If something is easy, I might not appreciate it as much. However, if it cost me my sweat, blood, and tears, it is a lot more meaningful. Just getting to church lately has been a challenge. It takes almost an hour to get there by longboard, almost as long by bus (but less sweaty and tired), and even though many people are offering rides, it's hard to ask. I have to give up control of my schedule and leave when people want to leave. I think that maybe we have too much say, too much choice to follow God with a clear conscience and a pure heart. I think we always wonder if we could have done something different or better or faster. We are always planning and figuring and focusing on getting everything done instead of doing what we can with the moment we have. Today, in my office, not ten minutes before we had to perform a skit, I ran into a situation that had to be addressed right away. I wanted to freeze time so that the impending skit would not rush the ministry I found myself in. As I was listening to the problem, I heard technical difficulties that I should have been helping with, but I couldn't. They weren't important right now and someone else did step up to help. The ministry wasn't convenient for my schedule but it was needed. I almost canceled the skit, but we ended up performing it anyways. My prayers are still going to this problem, but it showed me that I can't keep such a strict schedule that I can't take time to minister to people, which is the whole reason for ministry in the first place. Our ministry of things is to minister to people. It would be like making a car that didn't have room for a person because a person would just crash it anyways and mess it up. Ministry that can't take time to help out people is no better than a trophy. It shows your achievement, but has no other use. People are inconvenient. But that's okay. I want to minister to them anyways, whether or not I have a car.

PS. While I was writing this, my roommate came home and I took a break and closed my computer so we could talk.

Many is Greater Than One

2010-09-24T03:02:00.000-07:00

A friend told me tonight, "when doing ministry, bring others. Ministry is not a solo; it's a chorus." Google found it here:

http://www.insight.org/library/insight-for-today/servant-hearted-1.html

I have to admit that I haven't been doing that. It's not that I'm after the glory, but I don't trust people. I guess I've been let down enough that I just do things by myself and if others want to join me, I'll let them. It reminds me of the argument that Paul and Barnabas had about John Mark. Paul wanted to leave him behind because the work would get done better and Barnabas wanted to bring him along. Paul and Barnabas ended up splitting up over it.

In this case, I don't want to be like Paul. The work, although it is good, is not as important as people. Having a friend may slow me down, but it could be that God wants me to minister to that friend as much as minister in the work that I am doing. Let's not discount our friends. They are valuable, not only for the work we are doing, but also for us. Doesn't the Bible say, "As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." in Psalm 27:17? We need each other. God says so. Check out Ecclesiastes 4:12 or the account in Genesis where Adam names the animals and no helper could be found. I have a dog. I named her. She's a good dog, but she doesn't help me in the way that I need help.

A lot of people say that they don't need help. They just need God and that's enough. That's simply not true. God can still use us if we are by ourselves, but He prefers to use a group. He uses an individual when people don't stand up. He uses one person to shame the rest. The army of Israel could have defeated the Philistines, but they were scared, so God used the boy David to slay the giant to show that He is strong. By admitting our weakness and asking for help, we are admitting God's strength through our brothers and sisters. If we declare our strength, then we really about to show our weakness... we just don't know it. Think of Elijah when he was complaining to God that he was the only one left on God's side, yet God said He had hundreds hidden who did not bow down to Baal.

We think we're the only one who will stand for God, but that is a lie that the enemy tells us. We are not alone, we are never alone. Not only do we have God, but God always sends others. They may not be who we think they are or even who we want them to be. But God sends them, and they are obedient. So the next time you think you're all alone, look around. Pick up your phone and call someone. If you have no one, call me. I'll be your friend.

It might be the culture that makes us want to do it on our own. We feel the need to prove that we can. Take moving out, for instance. 18 year olds always want to move out. I don't think they should. My advise to anyone who is still in school is this: Stay at home as long as you are in school. You will make your life easier in the long run. Especially if you're a girl. Dorm life is a detriment to healthy growth. Only the strong escape unscathed. Now you'll noticed that I specified girls. I've noticed that, in this culture, women are pressured to become independent. They don't need a man. they don't want a man. They can do it on their own. They can have careers and houses and cars and all the stuff that men have. I see this as a great charade played on Americans by the devil. Women do not have to prove anything. The more they try to act like men, the more they cease to act like women. I do not wish to say that women don't have the ability or that they can't achieve this stuff. Obviously, they have. However, I do not believe that the strong independent woman is a product of following the Lord. Women should be cared for and looked after, not because they need it, but because the men need someone to look after and care for and protect. Women need to be women so the men can be men. If women act like men, then the men start acting like women. Just look at fashion... actually... you may not want to look.

If I can encourage the young women who read this to stay at home as long as possible. The goal is to stay with your parents until your wedding day. Learn how to keep a family home from your mom and get as much practice in as possible. Guys need that. I need that. Men may be physically stronger than women, but we are really weak insecure people inside. We try to show a tough face to the world. We try to appear solid, but the ones who really are are the ones who have that special helper that God made for them. The rest of us try, but end up with mold growing in our refrigerators and dust bunnies on our shelves.

A woman of God must submit to her husband, and her husband must love and serve his wife. He can't serve properly unless he feels that He is in control like he should be. How can he lead if he is being told what to do. Instead, he needs to serve her because he loves her. She needs to submit to him and trust him. If she can't trust him, she can't trust God because God said to trust him. Is the goodness of our God not greater than the mistakes of your husband? Marriages fail because the men don't serve their wives and the wives don't submit to their husbands. I haven't done a lot of marital counseling, but I've gotten my feet wet with it, and every couple I've listened to about marital problems stem from that. If one is doing it, then the marriage is rocky, but it survives. If one is blaming the other, then neither of them are doing it, and if that doesn't get fixed, the marriage fails. Not all failed marriages end in legal divorce. Some just stay rotten and fester.

Now back to the ministry is not a solo, but a chorus. One Bible reading single man isn't going to make a difference this way. It takes you married couples to show people how to do it right. People come to me because they don't have strongly married couples to go to. Their friends are all divorced or having problems like they are. If you are a married couple following and being blessed by the Lord, take a single person under your wing and model what it is like to have a Godly marriage. If you have kids, take a single parent and his or her child under your wing and show them what a family looks like. Be the surrogate father or mother until God brings one in or the child grows up. You are supposed to tend to your family first, but if you are so concerned with your family that you can't help anyone else, you are missing out. Do what is right, and trust that God will work things out, and open up your home and your heart to someone who needs it. One man on a Mission in Chico is not enough. Ministry is not a solo, but a chorus. So as I continue to sing worship to my Father with my actions, sing along.

Please excuse the mess, I'm learning humility

2010-09-21T01:05:00.000-07:00

Stories tell us that when the Apostle John was old, he was helped to the front of churches to speak. He would look around and tell people to love one another, and then go and sit down. Such a simple message... but do we do it? Can we do it?

What if the love isn't returned? What if we are loving people who will never accept God and give their lives? What if loving people costs us our savings, our future, our lives?

The answer to those questions are easy to discern, but hard to live out.

We are so consumed in our culture in getting what we want. Our wants become needs and our want to's become have to's. I have never "needed a haircut" in my life, but I've said I did. I've said other people did, but they didn't. We just enjoy and appreciate better manageable hair. I feed myself when I feel hungry, get a drink when I feel thirsty, sleep when I get tired. If I don't like something, I complain about it. I look for flaws in it so I can tell other people how I would do it right if I were in charge. I constantly step out in front of people to share intimate truths of God while keeping secret a few of my own.

I recently asked to stop teaching a service at church so I could take a Spanish class. (They said no)

Oh wretched man that I am, why do I have to keep focusing on me?

I've been wondering lately if there is anything that I am doing that God doesn't want me to do. Is there anything I need to stop doing? I love just about everything that I do. The part that stumbles me is feeling like I have to do it.

Here's the thing... and this could be pride, I'm not trying to say this is the way I should be or that this is right, but it's the way it is.

I feel like I am a spiritual superhero. My heart goes out to people and ministries that are struggling and I want to make it better. The superpowers I have are from God. I acknowledge that completely. I did not learn to teach or pray or listen on my own, but they are gifts that God has given me to equip me to do His work. When I see someone who needs help, I want to help him. When I see someone who is scared, I want to comfort her. When I see someone who wants to learn, I want to teach him. When I see someone who feels lost, I want to show her the way. And that goes for ministries too. When people are losing interest in a ministry, I want to jump in and remind them that the ministry needs to focus on Jesus and the moment it loses its focus is the moment it stops ministering. I want to revamp or change or organize that ministry to help the focus fall on Him whom it belongs. If a ministry is dead, and people are lost for what to do, I want to give it life and build it again from the ground up. I feel like I can do all of this.

But sometimes, and here's my struggle, I feel like I'm trapped in doing something that doesn't need me. I feel like Superman forced to be a security guard in a bank that never gets robbed or a SUV that only gets driven to soccer practice. I feel like I can do so much more, yet even as I seek to fill every free hour with service, it's not enough. I can love more, I say, This isn't all I can give... just all I have time to give. So I yearn for freedom. I want to stretch out these spiritual wings and make an impact. I moved to Chico expecting the whole town to be affected. I don't consider myself a super-Christian but I consider my God a Super God... not that I've ever met a regular god.

I expect God to move in me in big ways. I know He does. I feel horribly prideful thinking the way I do. I feel selfish wanting to do all the things I want to do and why cannot I not be satisfied with all the work I already do. People keep asking me to do things I can do and I keep saying yes... but even superheroes had to decide whether to spend their nights stopping muggings or fighting the super-villain. But I feel like I'm apart of something that already works. I want to go get something that doesn't and fix it.

Forgive me for spilling so much. I'm learning about humility and part of that is being open.

If I step out, will new people step up, or will other people who do so much take on my tasks on top of theirs?

My frustrations are shared with the other spiritual superheroes I work alongside.

When is enough enough?

Well... if I really am Christian, never.

If I really do follow Christ, my body will quit before I do, but the way I see it; short life now, long life later.

Guest Blog #3...Even more on forgiveness.

2010-09-19T23:35:00.000-07:00

Guest Blog #3...Even more on forgiveness.

I guess the Lord really wants to make sure I get it. Our pastor was in the last 16 verses of Acts 7 today at Sunday service and there it was--a brightly painted picture of forgiveness:

Acts 7:57-58 “But they (the Jewish ruling Council) cried out with a loud voice and covered their ears and rushed at him (Stephen) with one impulse. When they had driven him out of the city (Jerusalem), they began stoning him…”

Stephen had been chosen by the early church there in Jerusalem to take charge of some administrative duties; thus allowing the disciples full freedom of time to their ministries of prayer and the Word. The Lord had other ideas for Stephen however. He became a Spirit-filled force; he performed great signs among the people and began teaching them with God’s wisdom. This raised the ire of the same men who had worked so hard to kill Jesus. So they arrested and tried Stephen.. He was given the chance to make a defense; but at some point during his discourse, Stephen recognized that the elders before him were no different than the ones who had persecuted and killed God’s prophets for millennia…he also knew that he was next and that heaven awaited him. He was given a vision of God’s throne room with Jesus standing next to God’s right hand.

The Council’s reaction to Stephen’s vision was described in the above verses. In their anger, they apparently forgot/overlooked Rome’s restrictions concerning the death penalty. So…here was Stephen: wrongfully arrested, falsely accused, and illegally being killed by stoning. By all accounts, he was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day…or was he?

Acts 7:59-60 “They went on stoning Stephen as he called on the Lord and said, ‘Lord Jesus receive my spirit!’ Then falling on his knees, he cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lord do not hold this sin against them!’ Having said this, he fell asleep.”

I am astounded as much by what Stephen says as by what he doesn’t say. Earlier during his trial he had upbraided the elders for resisting God with their evil hearts. He shows us a righteous anger similar to Jesus’ when He cleared the Temple (John 2:14-17). Stephen was by no means a weak and delicate man. He had guts. But here, with rocks pounding him slowly to death, we don’t see a spirit of wrath, vengeance, retribution, or hate. I don’t see curses, rage, or resentment. Why? Verse 55 tells us: “But being full of the Holy Spirit…” In fact, Stephen’s entire life as documented in the Scriptures was dominated by the Spirit: Acts 6:5: “…they chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit.”; verse 8, “Stephen full of grace and power…”; verse 10, “But they were unable to cope with the wisdom and the Spirit with which Stephen was speaking.”; verse 15, “…all who were sitting in the Council saw Stephen’s face like the face of an angel.”

So…it appears that the Holy Spirit is, among many other things, the active agent of forgiveness; which may explain why it is sometimes so difficult for us to fully and completely forgive…we can’t do it on our own accord. We need the Helper and His power. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you…If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:7,11) Let’s ask…let’s seek…let’s bang down the door on God’s goodness and watch Him work!!"

Guest Blog #2...More on forgiveness.

2010-09-19T23:34:00.001-07:00

Guest Blog #2...More on forgiveness.

I guess the Lord wants to make sure I get it. I don’t often have dreams--especially dreams I remember in the morning. But last night I did. And even more infrequently does the occasion of a dream lead me to wonder if God sent it or not. I don’t doubt that He can and does but I do doubt my own mind…it has been transformed and renewed but I also abused it a lot in years past (and do so even now…it is an ongoing battle as my mind is assaulted daily even hourly: television, magazines, advertisements, language, coworkers…). Much of what I have and do expose it to still pops up to wrest me away from my Savior. I now know why God exhorts us: “Brethren…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence, and if anything is worthy of praise…dwell on these things.” (Philippians 4:8) He does not want us filling our minds with garbage…it distracts, discourages, and pulls us away from Him.

Nevertheless, the content of my dream aside, I was led to ponder more on the idea of forgiveness when I woke from that dream--the consideration of Biblical principles always fits the criteria of Phil 4:8...I love how the Lord draws us into His Word! So…forgiveness…

Matthew 18:21 “Then Peter came and said to Him (Jesus), ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive Him? Up to seven times?’”

I can’t wait to ask Peter, when I get to heaven, exactly what it was that led him to ask this question of Jesus. I would bet that there was some stuff going on amongst the men who followed Jesus. And I know there is stuff going on with me and you every day that challenges us to forgive: little wrongs, slights, pet-peeves, outright slander, underhandedness, gossip, hate, discontent. Some of it is at school or work; some is at home; some is in our extended and/or distant families; some is on-line; some is at church; some is with our loved ones; some is with strangers; some is with our friends; some is with our government. It is another ongoing all-pervasive battle we face.

Matthew 18:22 “Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you up to seven times but up to seventy times seven.’”

Basically, we just have to keep forgiving. There is no end to it. And to make sure we get it, Jesus immediately told the story of a man who owed the boss $16 million and was completely forgiven that debt. The forgiven man then responded: he turned around and viciously tried to collect $3000 from one of his debtors. Who did he think he was!?! …and who do we think we are when we don’t immediately forgive each other…we ourselves have been forgiven that massive $16 million debt. “He (God) has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His loving-kindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm103:10-12) Jesus wants us to do the same in our dealings with each other…so remember, when the affronts start coming at you…just start flinging them to the east and west…forgive. I now know that I have to stop coming up with all the reasons to not forgive. There are no caveats, stipulations…there is no small print. Help us Lord…help us love.

"Guest Blog #1.

2010-09-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

"Guest Blog #1.

Jonathan is taking a short rest and was gracious enough to let me guest blog for him…mercy may be needed after this first foray--we will see.

My name is Jason…my middle name is Jonathan. It is a good name.

I just endured an 18-hour roundtrip drive from Chico to Ely, NV during which I started listening to our pastor’s recent Wed nite survey through the Bible. It took him nearly a year and a half to complete. I got from Genesis to Nehemiah during my trip. Thank you Lord for MP3!! It was quite a different experience traveling through the Bible in such rapid succession and I look forward to the next long trip where I hope to meet all the prophets.

At one point during the trip (near Fallon, NV…just past midnight), I finished listening to I and II Samuel and decided to call Jonathan with some questions…(it sure is nice having a night-owl friend). I commented to him that I thought: “If King David were President of the U.S. his antics would rate him up there with some of our worst leaders: infidelity, murder, corruption, pride, misuse of power, etc” And Jonathan wisely steered me from my negative thoughts to think that: “Despite his shortcomings, David experienced forgiveness, received forgiveness, and moved forward forgiven.”

I recently read Corrie Ten Boom’s The Hiding Place. There is much to recommend concerning that book but the passage that shined brightest for me was the one where she ran into one of her German captors (torturers) years after the war. She had just finished one of her many presentations in which she told how the love of Jesus was what held and sustained her. The man came up to her, joyous that she held him no ill-will and had forgiven him. He held out his hand. Corrie then writes of the raging battle that waged within her at that moment. She did NOT want to shake that man’s hand! But the Holy Spirit empowered her, filled her, and spilled out of her as she submitted to the Lord and shook that man’s hand with the love of Jesus in her heart.

Matthew 5:44-48

“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

I don’t know about you, but I can’t do that…I just can’t. I have tried and failed. I’ve thought that when the time came I could be just like Corrie and be an ambassador of love and goodwill. But I can’t. Corrie herself said that she couldn’t either. I can’t react instinctively with love…sometimes even with my own family! But we are called to be perfect. We are called to love. We are called to forgive. And since I can’t do it on my own…well, the answer is simple: Jesus. “Therefore, if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:1-2

Where is my mind? Where are my thoughts? Where are my activities? Where are my words? Where is my heart? Where is yours?

So if I'm saved by grace, can I just do whatever I want?

2010-09-09T01:52:00.000-07:00

Sure. If whatever it is you want to do is good, then you may do it. If what you want to do is sin, you may not do it. But then again... if you are truly accepting that forgiveness from God, why would you want to sin again? Sure, it feels good now, but you know it won't last. You even know that God has something better awaiting you. Why would you settle for something less than what God has for you? Or do you not believe that what God offers and what the world offers are in conflict. Get your Bibles out and flip to 1 John 2:15-17.

Don't love the world. It's all going to end and if you love it, you are making yourself a slave to it. I'll talk about that in just a second, but while we're here, let's take a quick look at 1 John 1:5-6. You will see here that we are only cleansed by the blood of Jesus as long as we are walking in the light as He is in the light. It may sound confusing, but think of it saying you will be wet as long as you are in the water. If you get out of the water, you will dry off. As long as we abide in Christ, we will be cleansed from our sin. If we leave Him to pursue sin, then we will gain the dirt of the world which separates us from Him. If we love the world, we will become a slave to it. Whatever we love, we will be a slave to, and whatever we are a slave to, we will worship, and whatever we worship, we will become like. If we love Jesus, we will be His slave. The apostles often referred to themselves as bondservants (servants by choice). They worship Him and the Bible says that we will be like Jesus. (1 John 3:2) But this isn't just about God, the same goes for idols (things made my man that people worship). Flip to Psalm 135:15-18.

You will see here that the people who make them and those who trust in them become like that which they worship.

Okay, so I know what you're saying. You're accusing me of getting off track. You're saying that I'm talking about idols and you're talking about what you do by yourself behind closed doors. But I'm not off topic yet. Anything you leave God to follow is an idol. We can't just lay God down when we want, or leave Him in the car while we run in and do a quick sin. Flip to 1 Corinthians 6:12-20.

A lot of people use the first part of this verse to validate their sin, but they do not bother to read the whole passage. Read the passage again. When you sin, you bring God with you to do it. If you continue in sin, then you are not producing the fruit of righteousness and the grace you claim does not pertain to you. Now continuing in sin is not the same as just messing up. We all mess up, but continuing in sin is making your identity and placing your trust upon your sin. It's as if you are calling yourself a cussing Christian or a lying Christian or a Thieving Christian. Of course you won't call yourself that, but you might say you're a Liberal Christian (not that a Conservative Christian is what we should be, but that's another blog post... maybe) or a Modern Christian. If you need a modifier because you can't identify with Christ, then you are in danger of leaving Christ. The only exception I can think of at the moment is being a Young Christian. I think that's okay because you are admitting ignorance and showing humility and foreshadowing growth.

So what! Maybe you are thinking that you know sin is bad, and you'll just go and sin for a little while, and then you'll come back because you know that God will forgive you and keep forgiving you. Well before you do that, I want you to read Hebrews 6:4-8. If you have tasted Christ, and you decide to leave. There is no coming back. That is like asking God to send Jesus to die on the cross a second time. It won't happen. You are denying His goodness and making the choice to leave. Instead, read verse 9 and stay in the grace of God, being confident that He has something better.

There is more on this subject, lots more. Read Romans 6-8 to get a better understanding. Jesus died for you to be free from sin. Not free to sin. Think of sinning as putting something between you and Jesus. Think of each sin as a barrier between you and perfection. Each sin is like a drink of alcohol to the alcoholic. It's like a hit of cocaine to the addict. Each one takes someone farther and farther from where they should be, and the result is death.

I say that we're going to sin enough on accident. There's no reason to sin on purpose too.

I need to stop being lazy

2010-09-09T00:05:00.000-07:00

So I've been feeling a bit sluggish the last couple of days. Perhaps this youtube video will better illustrate the way I've felt.

It usually happens when I go to my parent's house. I don't know why, but as soon as I step in the door, all I want to do is flop down in a chair or the couch and watch tv. I don't een really like watching tv, but that seems to be all we do there. We were busy Saturday and Sunday with the Scottish Games and those days tired me out. But Monday (ironically Labor Day) I did nothing. I slept until lunch time and after lunch, all I did was wait until dinner before driving up to Chico. Tuesday was horribly lethargic and I had a hard time getting out of bed on Wednesday as well. But it was when I got up on Wednesday that I decided that I wasn't going to be lazy anymore. It was a spiritual attack to get me to stop doing ministry and I was losing. I needed to claim my victory in Christ. So I did that and got a lot done today. Please pray for me that I continue to do that and feel free to keep me accountable. Tomorrow, I'll be waking up quite a bit before noon to get to Butte Campus for free prayer. If you have time at noon, come and join us in front of the bookstore.

Email...

2010-09-05T23:43:00.000-07:00

so me@jonathandow.com isn't working right now and I don't think I can get it working soon. Please send emails to jonathandow@me.com

September

2010-09-03T21:41:00.000-07:00

Now that my August challenge is over, I'm going to take a break from daily posts until I get internet in my new apartment. Until then, Jason will be my guest blogger. I don't know what I'm going to do once I get internet... any ideas?

Day Thirty-One Tuesday August 31st 2010

2010-09-01T13:29:00.001-07:00

Day Thirty-One

Tuesday August 31st 2010

They will come and declare His righteousness to a people that will be born,

That He has done this.

-Psalm 22:31

Our fathers were tasked with the responsibility to tell us about Jesus. It was their job to instruct their sons and daughters in the ways of the Lord. If they fail, how were those sons and daughters supposed to instruct their sons and daughters? That’s what’s happened. A generation has failed to give proper instruction and our society has discovered the consequences like the son who left his father for prodigal living in Luke 15. This isn’t the first time. It breaks my heart that Noah was still alive when Abram was called out of Ur. Noah, who was rescued from the judgement of the wicked saw his children’s children walk away from the Lord. He was alive for the tower of Babel and years afterwards. I wonder how he spoke of the wicked in that day. He who built the ark and saw the wrath of God. Did the rainbow comfort him after every rain? They were not just people anymore, but his sons’ sons and their sons. He must have prayed fervently for mercy for those people.

But for us, we must tell people about what Jesus has done for them, “for whoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach unless they are sent?” (Romans 10:13-15) So go and tell them if you can go and send someone if you cannot. But tell your sons and your daughters. Whomever you have influence over is your responsibility. You cannot make them choose Christ, but you can give them the choice.

Day Thirty Monday August 30th, 2010

2010-08-31T02:23:00.004-07:00

Day Thirty

Monday August 30th, 2010

A posterity shall serve Him.

It will be recounted of the Lord to the next generation,

-Psalm 22:29

I had to look up posterity in the dictionary. It means, “future generations.” God didn’t die on the cross only for the sins of the people who lived before or were living then, He died for my sins, even though I wasn’t to be born for many generations. He died for the sins I have yet to commit (as a Christian). This doesn’t mean I can go and do whatever I want. I still need to stand firm on the Word of the Lord, but if I do fall, I know I have one that comes to the Father on my behalf. I choose to serve Jesus of my own free will, not because He owns me (although He does) but because He loves me. And I Him. And it’s easy to choose to serve the One you love.

Day Twenty-Nine Sunday August 29th, 2010

2010-08-31T02:23:00.003-07:00

Day Twenty-Nine

Sunday August 29th, 2010

And all the prosperous of the earth

Shall eat and worship;

All those who go down to the dust

Shall bow before Him,

Even he who cannot keep himself alive

-Psalm 22:29

When Jesus reigns on this earth, those who are prosperous, those who have saved up their riches in heaven, will eat and worship God. All those who decided to rebel will be judged and they will bow down before God like a defeated nation to their captor. There is no escape. Either we are on the side of Jesus or we are against Him. I want to be on His side. There are so many reasons to make that decision easy. Jesus is good. He takes care of us and loves us. That should be reason enough but in case you need something to fear, there’s also hell to consider. The natural eternal consequence of our sin is to spend eternity without God and that place is hell. We cannot escape death, and even in death we cannot escape the punishment. Give your life to God and you will escape. The only escape is surrender. Save your soul. The cause is lost. There is more than mercy for those who have surrendered, there is also grace.

Day Twenty-Eight Saturday August 28th, 2010

2010-08-31T02:23:00.001-07:00

Day Twenty-Eight

Saturday August 28th, 2010

For the kingdom is the Lord’s,

And He rules over the nations.

-Psalm 22:28

This is prophecy. Jesus often spoke of the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom of God has three parts. The first part is the community of believers. As a believer, I hail Christ as my King and am part of HIs current kingdom on earth. This kingdom is not of land, or even of flesh, but of soul. My soul is His kingdom and it is what He has been fighting for. It is what He had died for. It is what He rose to prove Himself worthy, and it is what He is jealous over. The second part of the Kingdom of God is the millennial reign. He will reign on the Earth for 1,000 years while the devil is cast into the bottomless pit. He will rule with a rod of iron and during that time, no one will be able to resist Him. (Although I will be with Him and I will not want to resist Him.) Then the devil comes out to deceive the nations and they try and fight against God. (And they lose.) The third kingdom is the new heaven and the new earth that He will create. The book of Revelation talks about this one descending from Heaven. This one lasts forever and there will be no more dying nor crying and we will all know as we are known. (There will also be no sun nor moon nor sea. The streets will be made of gold and God Himself will be the light.)

Now as for the current earth and its nations. They all still belong to God. The earth is God’s and so is everything in it. But right now, there are people who do evil with it, like the evil vinedressers in a parable Jesus told, God sends people to collect from them what is expected and they beat and kill them. God will one day repay them with vengeance, but He is waiting. Do you know what for, Wanda? He’s waiting for anyone who would repent to repent. He’s waiting for people to admit that they are evil and ask for forgiveness. He wants to forgive. He is waiting for everyone who will surrender to surrender so that no one would perish who doesn’t have to. He died to make it possible. If you resist God unto death, you resist Him forever. You have no right to ask for mercy. But if you are still alive, His mercy and His grace are already given. You may still repent. It is my prayer that you do. I’m praying for you, Wanda. Repent. Stop resisting His Holy Spirit. Pray to Him and tell Him you’re sorry. Tell Him that you want to live His way and not your own. If you need someone to talk to, let me know. I’ll explain any words you don’t understand and I’ll pray with you. My email address is me@jonathandow.com

Day Twenty-Seven Friday August 27th, 2010

2010-08-31T02:22:00.000-07:00

Day Twenty-Seven

Friday August 27th, 2010

All the ends of the world

Shall remember and turn to the Lord,

And all the families of the nations

Shall worship before You

-Psalm 22:27

After the cross, we have victory. Just as sin lost its power on the cross, one day, that victory will be evident to the world. Sin and death will be destroyed and the gates of Hell will be shut forever. Everyone will turn to the Lord and Worship Him together. I long for that day, but until that day comes, there is still work to do. There are still people to tell about Jesus. There is still a fallen world out there that needs a hand up. We need to tell them about Jesus dying on the cross for their sin and His offer of eternal life. How could people resist? They do. One day, it will be too late to make a choice. It will have already been decided. So choose today. There is death and there is life, choose life. (Check out Deuteronomy 30:15.)

Day Twenty-Six Tuesday August 26th, 2010

2010-08-27T12:41:00.001-07:00

Day Twenty-Six

Tuesday August 26th, 2010

The poor shall eat and be satisfied;

Those who seek Him will praise the Lord.

Let your heart live forever!

-Psalm 22:26

Have hope. Things will get better. Jesus will restore all things, but for now, have hope. We have reasons to praise the Lord and even though the poor may not currently feast physically, if they have the Lord, they can spiritually feast by getting into His Word. Look at the story of the Rich Man and Lazarus in Luke 16. Lazarus was comforted in death and not in life. God sees all and comforts those who suffers. And one day is coming when people will stop suffering. It’s not here yet, but soon. Just keep hope.

Day Twenty-Five Tuesday August 25th, 2010

2010-08-26T02:19:00.001-07:00

Day Twenty-Five

Tuesday August 25th, 2010

My praise shall be of You in the great assembly;

I will pay My vows before those who fear Him

-Psalm 22:25

Do people see you giving praise to God? They shouldn’t see you do it every time you do. You need to have an intimate personal relationship with your Savior. Jesus says that when you pray, go into your room and close the door. (Check out Matthew 6:6) However, that doesn’t mean you should keep God a secret. The Jews were supposed to give light to the world of who God really is. They were supposed to be His ambassadors to the world for His glory. We shouldn’t pray so that others think we’re spiritual, but we should pray so that we can go out and show people who God really is.

Think of yourself as a pitcher in the hands of a waiter. The waiter goes into the back to fill you up with cold refreshing water. Then he takes you out to pour into glasses to be served. When you near empty, He takes you back to get refilled. Let your prayer times be when you get filled and let your times outside your room be when you pour that life giving water out on others. Even Jesus sought time to get alone with the Father. What makes you think that you don’t need to. But when you thank God, thank Him so others know He is worthy to be praised. Let people know that He does answer prayers and He does participate in our daily lives. If you make a promise to God, keep it. But it is better to not promise. The Bible says that we should let our yes be yes and our no be no. (Matthew 5:37)

So now that you are alone, pray that God would fill you up. Then go out and share what you have with others.

Ready… Set… Go!!!

Day Twenty-Four Tuesday August 24th, 2010

2010-08-25T03:15:00.000-07:00

Day Twenty-Four

Tuesday August 24th, 2010

For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted;

Nor has He hidden His face from Him;

But when He cried to Him, He heard

-Psalm 22:24

God sees us when we are afflicted. God does care for us. He may allow something to happen, and that something might be horrible (like Jesus dying on the cross) and He doesn’t get pleasure out of watching us suffer, but He uses it for good. He used the torture and death of His Son Jesus to save us from our sin. He used the Holocaust to gather His people back from all over the world to the land of Israel. Just because we can’t see what He’s doing doesn’t mean He’s doing nothing. A lot of people try to judge God based on very limited information. We can’t judge God because we don’t know everything. Judging before reviewing all the evidence is called pre-judging or prejudice. Do you have a prejudice against God? He knows everything. He knows the beginning from the end. You cannot impose laws on God. He imposes those on Himself and He does stick to them. We have to trust God since He knows everything and we don’t. You can choose to not trust Him if you want, but He will get His way. You can either be on His side or against Him. I know this sounds like God has the opportunity to be selfish and greedy but the only reason we think He is is because that’s what we would be if we were in His position. Every government in the history of man where one guy has all the power has failed because people are corrupt. Every modern government we make is designed to keep one man from having too much power. That’s because men are evil. (Women are too, don’t think you’re getting away with anything, Wanda) But God is good. He is always good and He will always be good. God wanted to be our king because He knows that man is evil. If I had absolute power, I would use it for good… at first… but as I got bored with fixing the problems of the world, I would start to focus on myself. I would become corrupt simply because I cannot handle that type of power until I’m perfected. God can handle that power because He is perfect. He knows when we are suffering and we have to trust that if He hasn’t yet delivered us from it, then He has a better plan.

Day Twenty-Three Monday August 23rd, 2010

2010-08-24T02:42:00.001-07:00

Day Twenty-Three

Monday August 23rd, 2010

You who fear the Lord, praise Him!

All you descendants of Jacob, glorify Him,

And fear Him, all you offspring of Israel!

-Psalm 22:23

Do we fear the Lord? Should we fear the Lord? It seems that every time in the Bible that an earthly being has an encounter with a heavenly being, (be it an angel or God) he is afraid. We know this because the heavenly being has to tell that person to not be afraid. I think we should fear the Lord. I think we should be seriously afraid to sin. Maybe the grace that we receive makes us so at ease with the idea of God forgiving us that we forget how bad sin really is. We love it too much. Sin is disgusting and should be disgusting. We should hate it, but we don’t. If sin was as disgusting to us as it is to God, then it wouldn’t be as tempting as it is. It would be like someone coming up to me and saying, “Hey, Jonathan. I just found this rusty dull knife, why don’t you cut your finger off with it. It’ll be fun.” I wouldn’t even be tempted into doing it. But sin is more subtle than that. Sin takes our good Godly desires and entices us to achieve them in a different way. God creates us to be husband and wife, and that’s a good desire. But if someone tries to satisfy that desire outside of marriage, that is fornication, which is sin. God put in us a desire to feel safe, and it’s good to feel safe, but if we have to build walls or bank accounts and we don’t trust that He will protect us, then that’s sin too. If we amass stuff and hoard so we will never feel like we are in need, then we are not trusting God to provide for our needs and that is sin. If we leave the truth through lies or deception to get our way, we are not trusting that God has a better plan and that’s sin too. We are too quick to run to our sin. I don’t think we would run to it as quick if God were standing visibly in our way. It’s like speeding while driving next to a police car. We wouldn’t do it if we knew we were going to get caught, but we play the grace card so we can sin intentionally and not feel so bad about it. I’m not saying grace is bad. I love grace. I just don’t think that thefact that Ihave grace should be any excuse for me to willingly let myself sin. I need to hate sin more and fear God more.

Day Twenty-Two Sunday August 22nd, 2010

2010-08-23T03:13:00.000-07:00

Day Twenty-Two

Sunday August 22nd, 2010

I will declare Your name to My brethren;

In the midst of the assembly I will praise You.

-Psalm 22:22

Jesus did rise from the dead and declared God the Father to the brethren. We declare God today to each other and to a lost and dying world. We give glory and praise to God no matter where we are. Whether we are in great comfort or great trials… right? That’s what we Christians do… well… that’s what we ought to do. We should praise and declare the Name of the Lord no matter what situation we’re in. No more complaining about school. You’re there. Praise God. No more complaining about work. You’re there, praise God. No matter what assembly you are in the midsts of, you’re there, praise God. We have plenty of examples in the Bible of men who praised no matter the situation. We also have examples of complainers in the Bible. (They died in the wilderness.) Who do you want to be? Praise or complain? I choose Praise!

Day Twenty-One Saturday August 21st, 2010

2010-08-22T01:51:00.000-07:00

Day Twenty-One

Saturday August 21st, 2010

Save Me from the lion’s mouth

And from the horns of the wild oxen!

You have answered Me

-Psalm 22:21

When we call out for deliverance, God hears and God answered. When the people were slaves in Egypt for 400 years, they cried out to God and He sent Moses to deliver them. They constantly cried out in the wilderness and God met every one of their needs, although He did it His way and not theirs. When the people came into the promised land and loved foreign women and their gods, and they were taken captive, God heard them when they cried out and delivered them from their enemies through the judges. When they cried out asking for a king, God gave them one, and then another, even though He was supposed to be their king. When Solomon asked God to listen when the people cried out towards the temple in Jerusalem, God promised to hear. God hears us and He answers us. He saves us and He delivers us. He did not deliver us to lead a life of comfort and wealth, although a lot of Christians are comfortable and wealthy. He delivered us to be with Him. His home was always heaven. Earth was always just a temporary thing since the fall in Genesis 3. My home is in heaven. Chico (where I am now) is just where I am now. It’s my mission field. I’m here to bring people into a deeper relationship with our Savior. I’m here to extend His hand to the broken and breathe His words to the lost. God saves. He saved me. He can save you. He saves by dying on the cross to pay for our sins. He died in our place. Do you want to be saved? Just call out to Him. He does it. If you need someone to talk to, shoot me an email. Me@jonathandow.com

Day Twenty Friday August 20th, 2010

2010-08-21T02:11:00.001-07:00

Day Twenty

Friday August 20th, 2010

Deliver Me from the sword,

My precious life from the power of the dog.

-Psalm 22:20

Jesus cried out to God on the cross. He said verse one of this Psalm. Before He was arrested and crucified, He cried out in the garden of Gethsemane and asked for the cup to be taken from Him if there was any other way. There isn’t. Here, in this verse, Jesus is given over to the Gentiles to be crucified. The Jews at that time saw the Gentiles as dogs and called them as such. (Probably not to their faces.) Jesus doesn’t get stabbed with a sword (but He does a spear) but He is taken under arrest by them. I think we can focus so much on being delivered from our situation that we forget the greater glory of enduring persecution. Jesus could have come down off the cross, but He endured. What have we endured? Lone lines at the store? Red lights that take forever to change? Our lives really aren’t that bad. I’ve never had to ask God to protect me from getting stabbed or shot. My life has never been in that kind of danger. (That I know of.) Yet still I complain if the air conditioning is too high. It is difficult to be satisfied with salvation.

Day Nineteen Thursday August 19th, 2010

2010-08-20T02:56:00.001-07:00

Day Nineteen

Thursday August 19th, 2010

But You, O Lord, do not be far from Me;

O My Strength, hasten to help Me!

-Psalm 22:19

Jesus refers to the Father as His Strength. He shows us that even in the worst of circumstances, He still can place His trust on the Father. It is still His will that gets done, not ours. I think that’s pretty cool.

Day Eighteen Wednesday August 18th, 2010

2010-08-19T02:26:00.001-07:00

Day Eighteen

Wednesday August 18th, 2010

They divide My garments among them,

And for My clothing they cast lots.

-Psalm 22:18

Mark 15:24 says, “And when they crucified Him, they divided His garments, casting lots for them to determine what every man should take.” It’s amazing how accurate prophecy is. Of course I do believe that prophecy must be 100% accurate, but the level of detail is amazing. I know some people who claim to be prophets say stuff like, “I know there is someone in this room who is suffering pain,” or “Someone in this room is having problems with money.” Well… people are always having problems with money or with pain because this world is hard to live in. They generalize and play the odds and are vague enough that someone who wants to believe in what they are saying has something to hope in, but it’s a false hope. It’s a trick. It’s a lie. However, Psalm 22 is so detailed that although it may seem weird at first, once people saw Jesus crucified, it all must have made sense. I imagine it will be like that when the end times come. I don’t expect to be here, but there are many non-Christians who have read and retain knowledge of the book of Revelation who will probably be able to quote it chapter and verse when the end times come. They just never believed. To them it will be abundantly clear that God meant exactly as He said and it will happen. The question I have for you today is this; Do you believe that God’s Word is true before you see it? If you do, you will have no reason to complain or whine because you know that it’s all going to work out in the end and if it isn’t working out, it isn’t the end yet. You have every reason to be optimistic. You have every reason to be joyful and smile in the face of trials and dire circumstances because God is still real. He is still good. He still loves you and His death on the cross still covers Your sin. What’s more is that He knew this was going to happen and prepared a way for you to get through it. It’s like when you go hiking in a national park. It may be hard and strenuous, but the trail is clearly marked and as long as you stay on the path that is in front of you, you have no reason to fear getting lost… that is if you trust the people who made the trail. Trust God in the same way. Don’t complain or whine when things get hard. Do smile and rejoice because you know it’s all going to end well. Journey’s have to be hard to give the end meaning. If your going to tell a story, it’s not interesting unless the main character goes through a change and is somehow better at the end than at the beginning. We love watching those kind of movies and reading those kind of books, but few of us want to be that person. Let God tell your story. Let God show others how He can change you and make you better.

Day Seventeen Tuesday August 17th, 2010

2010-08-18T02:14:00.001-07:00

Day Seventeen

Tuesday August 17th, 2010

I can count all my bones.

They look and stare at Me.

-Psalm 22:17

Jesus never had a broken bone. I suppose that if He did, He wouldn’t have been an acceptable sacrifice since you were not allowed to sacrifice your lame sheep to God. Also, since He was whipped with the cat of nine tails, He could probably actually see His bones as He hung on the cross. I don’t think the people they put up on the cross were scourged before hand. Usually, the 39 scourges would kill them. (The sentence was always for forty with one removed for “mercy.”) He was probably a spectacle even to those who often passed by people hanging on the cross. So many people seeing this happen and even those who want to do something cannot. I don’t know if I could have watched. Most disciples fled, but John followed and was there at the foot of the cross. It was John’s mother that asked Jesus if John and James could sit on His right and His left when He came into His kingdom. It was John that said He was able to drink from the cup He drank and be baptized with the baptism that He was baptized. I wonder if John thought about that conversation when He looked at Jesus on the cross. I wonder if He looked at the condemned criminals on His right and His left. I wonder if He contemplated the sign that hung above His head that said in three languages, “King of the Jews.” I wonder if John thought at that point that it was all over. The revolution against Rome was dying on the cross in front of his very eyes. But what John didn’t understand (probably) was that Jesus, with His death, was delivering the fatal blow to sin and death itself. This was the point where the battle was won. When Jesus died on the cross, we could claim victory, even though there is still fighting to do.

In a physical war, the heads of state get together to negotiate a surrender. The two politicians don’t duke it out, but they get out their papers and their pens and one surrenders to the other by signing his name. However, that doesn’t mean the fighting has stopped. The soldiers in the trenches are still fighting. The surrender contract includes a cease fire time and date and the fighting continues until the war is officially called off. Part of the reason this happens is that wars are so big, the word of the surrender takes time to get around. So it’s possible that a soldier can die in a war that was officially over, but the fighting hasn’t stopped yet. That’s where we are today. Sin and death have been beaten. Jesus has claimed victory, but we still fight until the appointed day when we get to go home. We can claim the victory in Christ, or we can believe that the war is not yet one. I choose to fight in victory. I choose to stand my ground because I know I’ve already won and I’m just waiting for the other side to get the memo. What about you?

Day Sixteen Monday August 16th, 2010

2010-08-17T03:41:00.001-07:00

Day Sixteen

Monday August 16th, 2010

For dogs have surrounded Me;

The congregation of the wicked has enclosed Me.

They pierced My hands and My feet.

-Psalm 22:16

The Jews often referred to the Gentiles as dogs. Jesus even did it in Mark 7:27. But of course, this is talking about the death of Jesus on the cross. He was surrounded by the Roman guards who were just about all, if not all, Gentiles. There were some Jews around too, like John and His mother, but there were probably mostly guards. And of course, I don’t have to explain how they pierced His hands and His feet. It’s such a direct correlation to the cross, I don’t need to explain it.

Day Fifteen Sunday August 15th, 2010

2010-08-16T17:59:00.001-07:00

Day Fifteen

Sunday August 15th, 2010

My strength is dried up like a potsherd,

And My tongue clings to my jaws;

You have brought me to the dust of death

-Psalm 22:15

When Jesus hung on the cross, and His heart was racing to supply blood and oxygen to HIs body, His mouth would have been extremely dry. All the liquid in His body would have been diverted to keeping the vital organs running as long as possible. He even stated that He thirst from the cross and they put a sponge dipped in sour wine on a stick and raised it to His lips. (John 19:28-29) This verse is a literal description of what it felt like in one’s mouth during crucifixion. It still amazes me the detail Psalm 22 goes into. With all our years of research and knowledge, we can only affirm what the Bible already knows. And on top of that, the fact that the human body takes care of itself to live as long as possible is amazing. The heart knows when to work harder to get oxygen to the brain and when skin gets cut, it heals. White blood cells can recognize and fight disease the liver takes out the poisons that we readily ingest. I have a hard time understanding how anyone who considers the human body can possible believe that it all comes about by chance. Consider muscles. They consist of one function. They can contract. Super simple, but they have memory. You do something enough and it’s like you don’t even have to think about it anymore. I’m currently not looking at the keys when I’m typing because my fingers just remember where they are. Also, they are placed around the bones in such a way to allow a huge range of motion. We are barely able to imitate that in our robots today. It’s all just amazing. God knew what He was doing when He created everything. And I also believe that He knew what He was doing when He died for us on the cross. Even if I can’t understand what He is doing, (like no one understood when He died on the cross) I’m still going to believe that He will work it out for good. It’s what He does.

Day Fourteen Saturday August 14th, 2010

2010-08-15T02:08:00.001-07:00

Day Fourteen

Saturday August 14th, 2010

I am poured out like water,

And all my bones are out of joint;

My heart melts like wax;

It has melted within Me.

-Psalm 22:14

Jesus hung on the cross. He has emptied Himself of His Godly power to do so. He could have come off the cross at any time. He could have had enough, and left, and let us deal with our sin on our own, but He didn’t. He poured Himself out for us. When He was punctured in the side to see if He was dead, blood and water poured out from His lung. When He was nailed to the cross, His shoulders were dislocated and as He hung, the weight of His body pulled His other bones out of joint. With the body the way it is when it’s on the cross, it’s hard to get a breath. In order to breathe, He would have had to push Himself up on the nail in His feet to get a good deep breath. Otherwise, He could only get shallow quick breaths, which lead to hyperventilation. The heart starts beating really fast to try and get oxygen to the vital organs and literally melts within someone on the cross from working too hard. Jesus went through this for me, because He loves me. He went through it for you, because He loves you. And to top it all off, He knew it was going to happen when He made the world. He knew we would sin, and that our redemption would cost HIm the cross, and He did it anyway. (Keep in mind that this Psalm was written about 1000 years before Christ died on the cross.) If He went through all that for me, what right do I have to ask Him for anything? Well… I’ll tell you. I have the right of a son. I have the right of a child to crawl up into the lap of my Abba Father and ask Him whatever I want. He may say, “no,” but I can still ask. I have that kind of relationship with Him that I can tell Him anything or ask for anything and He will not get upset when I do wrong, because He already paid for it, but He can also tell me anything and ask me to do anything and I don’t get upset at Him. I know that He is God and I trust that He is right, no matter what. Besides, why would I want to get upset at God? Why would I dare? Imagine you find yourself in a minor car accident. It wasn’t your fault. You just got this expensive car and at a stop light, you get rear ended. You might be upset, and you may feel that you have the right to be. You get out of the car and check the damage and it’s horrendous. You may be very angry with the guy who did it, but if that guy is huge and brawny, you will watch the way you talk to him. If that guy gets out of the car with a gun, you would be very careful of what you say. Fear trumps anger. But so many people say such horrible stuff about God and I’m convinced that they wouldn’t dare to say that if they could see Him. I think the fear they would feel would quench their anger. But our God is a merciful God. He takes the abuse and the rejection and the rebellion and He doesn’t immediately distribute justice. He waits for the best time to attempt redemption. He pleads with us to choose Him, because He knows the alternative, but we can’t see it. We have to take His word that it’s bad. There are a lot of things I can’t see. I can’t see God, but I trust Him. I can’t see Hell, but I don’t want to go there. I can’t see Heaven, but I know I’ll like it. I take it on faith. I take Him on faith. I am fearful of Him because He is bigger than anyone and more dangerous to His enemies than any gun. In whatever anger I may conjure up in my life or whatever rights I feel have been violated, I cannot bring up an accusation against my God. I fear Him too much. Also, I know that He is good and I trust that He is doing something good even if it all looks bad to me. But it’s mostly the fear thing. There are people in this world that I would be a fool to start a fight with. But I have a better chance in a fist fight against anyone on earth than fighting against God. I don’t think we can conceive of His power and might. But on the same spectrum. I don’t think we really can conceive of His mercy and grace either. That He would love me so much to go to the cross. The more I learn about what He went through, the more I don’t think I’m worthy of Him dying for me. But He did. And I am thankful. Thank you Jesus.

Day Thirteen Friday August 13th, 2010

2010-08-14T03:33:00.000-07:00

Day Thirteen

Friday August 13th, 2010

They gape at Me with their mouths,

Like a raging and roaring lion

-Psalm 22:13

Sometimes, when we share Jesus with people, they get offended. Sometimes, it’s our fault for being rash or saying things rudely, but other times, it’s because they are truly offended at Jesus. People who are doing wrong and know they are doing wrong don’t want to be told that they are doing wrong. They try and make up reasons on why they were born that way or why they have to do what they do. They try to justify their sin and proclaim it someone else’s fault that they are not perfect. Still, it does not change the fact that they aren’t perfect. A lot of cults are based on this. The blame has been placed on everyone from past lives to hollywood to technology to aliens. Children blame their shortcomings on their parents and their upbringing and parents blame their lack of sanity on their children. I understand that bad situation don’t help things get better, but at some point, everyone is going to have to stand up and own to their own sin. Christians have done this. A Christian has admitted (confessed) that he or she is a sinner and have sinned against the Holy God. We know we deserve death and we ask for forgiveness from the only one who can. And I agree that Jesus is offensive. The reason that we don’t like to hear the word, “repent” is because we don’t want to believe that we have something to repent of. We want to see ourselves as perfect, needing nothing. However, the irony is that we only need nothing when we trust God for everything. I gladly confess my shortcomings and even admit that my longcomings are not long enough. Whatever I am good at, it’s not good enough to give to God. I can only give Him a perfect gift and I cannot, as an imperfect creation, create one myself. All I can do is hand back the gift that God has given me. I can love Him back. And as a large amount of water can wash away a little bit of dirt, I know God can make me clean. The enemy of God may gape. He may rage and roar like a lion, but I know my God is for me. I know I am for Him. What have I to fear? So I share Jesus with people. I share His Word, His Truth, His Love. If people are going to be offended, I wish to live my life and speak in such a way that they are offended because they refuse Jesus, and not because I’m abrupt or rude. How about you?

Day Twelve Thursday August 12th, 2010

2010-08-13T03:31:00.000-07:00

Day Twelve

Thursday August 12th, 2010

Many bulls have surrounded Me;

Strong bulls of Bashan have encircled Me.

-Psalm 22:12

Bashan was a kingdom that existed in the mountains east of the Jordan. It was famous for it’s oaks and for the giants who lived there. Og was their king. When Israel was in the wilderness and getting closer to the promise land, Og decided to march out against them. He lost. Bashan is mentioned 60 times in the Old Testament. Almost every time it is listed, it is referring to the victory of the Lord over them. This verse is one of the few metaphorical mentions. The other metaphorical mentions talk of bringing Israel back to Israel (It was settled by Manasseh after the victory as one of the tribes east of the Jordan) and as a hiding place for the enemies of God (my guess is that they are going to hide there and ask the rocks to fall on them). As a territory east of the Jordan, it also represents a compromise in the Word of God, which instructed the Israelites to claim the territory west of the Jordan. It surprises me that God sometimes honors our compromises. He lets us get away with disobedience for a time, but eventually, we will realize that the compromises we make weaken us and comes against us in the end. The tribes east of the Jordan were the first ones conquered when the Assyrians attacked. In fact, they were often the battle ground against the Assyrians. Even though we may get away with compromise in out lives today, we shouldn’t be fooled. We never get away with only partly following the Word of God. He may not strike us down right away like He did to Ananias and Sapphira. (Acts 15) He may let us live there for generations like He did to Manasseh, Gad, and Reuben. (who all staked their territory on the East side of the Jordan) but if we compromise and settle for good enough, we will never see great. We will always struggle to maintain good enough. Those who live closest to the edge are the most endanger of falling off.

Consider you are in a river. Your boat has sunk, and you found a branch to hold onto. You can flop yourself on the branch so you are no longer sinking. Who, in that situation, would think that is good enough? You would only cling to the branch until an opportunity comes that you can make it to shore. But some people in this world think that whatever they have with God is good enough. They’ll just float down the river of life a little longer hanging onto the floating brach they found. What they don’t know is that there is a waterfall down river. What they don’t notice is that the current is quickening. What they don’t realize is that a branch, separated from the rest of the tree, will not save them. It is as if they are only interested in winning the battle against Bashon, and not the war. The inhabitants of the Holy Land were never fully driven out. This mistake has hurt Israel again and again. What compromises in your life will hurt you if left as they are? We all have some housecleaning to do. Get rid of it, before it grows and bites you. It always starts as a small temptation that you think you can handle, but it grows. Check out James 1:14-15.

Day Eleven Wednesday August 11th, 2010

2010-08-12T01:21:00.001-07:00

Day Eleven

Wednesday August 11th, 2010

Be not far from Me,

For trouble is near;

For there is none to help

-Psalm 22:11

Even though this isn’t one of Jesus’ recorded cries from the cross, I can see how He might be thinking it. It was the only time of separation from the Father. He is surrounded by his murderers and soldiers and HIs disciples are powerless to help. However, He must have kept in mind that He was going to rise again and that His death would provide life for us all.

Sometimes I feel this way, as if the dark powers that be crowd around me and instead of my sinful flesh being nailed to the cross, it’s my spirit that’s there with my flesh crying out for me to come down. I’m tempted to take my own will and put it to action instead of trusting in the will of the Father. And at those times, it’s hard. I feel separated from God, even though I know that feeling to be false. I know that God will never leave me. I know there is nothing that can separate me from my God, but the feeling is still there. That must be what it’s like to be on drugs and see things that aren’t there and you have to trust your memory of the truth. I know that God is there when I can’t feel Him because I remember that He said so. I know that God is good when things are going bad for me because I remember that He said that He is. I trust what I know about God more than what I can see with my eyes, hear with my ears, or feel with my emotions (especially that one) and noting will convince me otherwise. It is the birth of hope in my life and the conduit of the love of God to flow through me. The Holy Spirit is my Helper. I will trust in Him. It’s my choice of where I place my trust and no one can take that choice away from me. It’s the only real God-given right out there. Not even Satan can strip that from me. The battle that wages on in my body is over that choice, trying to sway me to choose God or anything else. I choose God.

Day Ten Tuesday August 10th, 2010

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Day Ten

Tuesday August 10th, 2010

I was cast upon You from birth.

From My mother’s womb

You have been My God

-Psalm 22:10

Jesus, being perfect, was perfect from HIs birth. He was not born out of sin like everyone else. Perhaps this means that the sin of man is inherited through the father. I’m not sure about that one. I’ll have to see if I can back up that theory from Scripture. Anyway, we know that Jesus was perfect from birth. We know that up until He was on the cross, He was never separated from the Father. I wish I could enjoy such a close relationship. I know I will, but as long as I’m in this sinful body, there is a battle. I suppose Jesus had to battle as well. He was tempted in the wilderness for 40 days and endure more temptation than I have or than I could handle. I should stop complaining. I do believe this verse speaks unto the perfection and sinlessness of Christ. Again, this was written about 1,000 years before He came upon the earth to die for our sins and again, it’s spot on. 1 Peter 3:8 says “that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like a day.”

Day Nine Monday August 9th, 2010

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Day Nine

Monday August 9th, 2010

But You are He who took Me out of the womb;

You made Me trust while on My mother’s breasts.

-Psalm 22:9

Contrast this with Psalm 139:13 which says, “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 22 is not praising God the Father for being created, because Jesus was born, but He wasn’t created. He always was. He was taken from the womb of Mary and He did nurse, and it is with her milk that He trusted the Father. Okay, this is getting a little weird to talk about so I’ll just leave it at that for today, but I challenge you to consider that Jesus was not made. He just is. We are made. We are created beings.The angels are created beings. Satan is a created being. Jesus is not. He is not a brother of Satan or an angel or just a man (although He was a man, but not just a man), because those are all created beings. Jesus is and He always was.

Day Eight Sunday August 8th, 2010

2010-08-09T01:12:00.001-07:00

Day Eight

Sunday August 8th, 2010

“He trusted in the Lord, let Him rescue Him;

Let Him deliver Him, since He delights in Him!”

-Psalm 22:8

This is what the people said to Jesus to mock Him. Maybe if this was happening today, the people would have called themselves scientists and were scientifically testing the claims of Jesus. However, their hypothesis would be wrong. If they were expecting Jesus to come down off that cross as a sign that He really is God, they would have been mistaken and when He died on the cross, they would have probably concluded that Jesus isn’t God.

The fact is that you can’t scientifically prove Jesus is God. If you could, there would be no cause for faith. But God always reacts in a way in which you didn’t expect. He’s full of surprises. He likes to work in different ways and there is no pattern and no formula. He wants you to trust Him. If you must test Him, and I don’t recommend it, lay out the parameters of the test and if God does what you say He would do if He were real, then believe Him the rest of your life and never test Him again. Otherwise, the “I’ll believe in You if You do this one thing” would be a lie on your end and God knows when you’re lying. Also, God is God and your not, and He may not do what you tell Him to do. I am in charge of kids a lot, and I don’t mind listening to them or taking suggestions, but when one of them starts bossing me around, I won’t do it. I’m in charge, not the kid. Even if I wanted to do it in the first place, because I love and care for them and wanted to bless them, I can’t do it when they are being bossy. It teaches them to be bossy, and I care more about their character then them being happy. I believe that God is the same way. I think He cares more about your character than you being happy. I’m using “I think” in this section because I can’t recall any scriptures to back it up, but I’m confident that I know the will of God on this issue. Feel free to show me verses to back me up or prove me wrong.

But in this verse, they are not testing Him, but mocking Him. “If He is from God,” they say, “then why isn’t God rescuing Him?” What they don’t know is that Jesus needed to die for the very sins they were in the middle of committing. It is fitting that on the cross, Jesus asks the Father to forgive them. Can you forgive someone for killing you while they were in the act of killing you? Especially after they beat you and whipped you and humiliated you and mocked you the entire time? I don’t think I could.

Day Seven Saturday August 7th, 2010

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Day Seven

Saturday August 7th, 2010

All those who see Me ridicule Me;

They shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying,

-Psalm 22:7

Hmm… tomorrow’s verse is cool because it’s prophecy of what was said. This one is too, since they did ridicule Jesus. (Matthew 26:67-68, 27:29-31, 27:39-44, Mark 14:65, 15:17-20, 15:29-32, Luke 22:63,-65, 23:11, 23:35-37, 23:39, John 19:1-4) I don’t live a life sold out enough for Jesus that people ridicule me. Either that or I don’t enter the world enough to show it. I used to get ridiculed for it in college, and it was an honor to be thought of in that way because they thought of Jesus the same way. I think I haven’t gotten it lately because it doesn’t drive me away from Jesus, but closer to Him. I think my flesh and the enemy of my soul would rather try to get at me through comfort. If I’m not on the front line, I’ll get lazy and complacent. However, the Job God has given me for this season is to build up those who will go on the front line. To equip them for every good work and declare to them the council of God. I’m talking about our children and our teens, who will be going back to school soon and they will be ridiculed if they show Jesus. (Chances are that they’ll be ridiculed anyway, but if people are going to make fun of you, you might as well make it worth the trouble.) If you get ridiculed for being a Christian, I have two verses for you. Acts 5:41 says, “So they departed from the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for His name,” And Romans 8:18, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” So first rejoice that you suffer for Christ and then realize that whatever the suffering, it’s not even worthy to compare it to what you’re going to receive in heaven. So you get a little persecuted. You knew it was going to happen. “Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.” Don’t be afraid of it. Embrace it. Each scar you receive from your suffering is a badge of honor in the kingdom of Heaven. When Jesus rose again, notice that He kept the holes in his hands, feet, and side.

Day Six Friday August 6th, 2010

2010-08-07T02:50:00.001-07:00

Day Six

Friday August 6th, 2010

But I am a worm, and no man;

A reproach of men, and despised by the people.

-Psalm 22:6

Can we find hope in the humility of Christ? He, who is in His very nature, God, lowered Himself to death on the cross, and considers Himself a worm. As should I. There are times when I don’t feel worthy to be called a man, nevertheless a man of God. There are times when fear overpowers me. But even though I have failed, my Christ is victorious. He died on the cross. He was a reproach of men and He was despised by the people so I could stand. And if I follow, I may also be reproached and despised, but I will stand. I may be a worm and no man. I may be the butt of jokes or the object of the cruelty of others, but I will stand. I stand on the fact that Jesus died for my sins and rose from the dead. There is no amount of conversation that can cause me to sway from that. No amount of “evidence” seen or rumors heard that can dissuade me. If I be wrong on this, then I‘ll be wrong to my death. You may call me closed minded or stubborn or a fool, but I know that Jesus died for my sins and I know that He redeems me by His blood. My feet are firmly planted and although the winds may blow and the waves may try to overtake me, I will not move from this spot.

Now the reason I am planted here is not by my own cunning. It is His goodness and His mercy that drew me here and His grace that keeps me. It is His promise and His hand that hold me and it is His strength by which I stand. I admit too that I am a worm, and no man. I can’t do this on my own. I firmly believe because He really died for me and rose again. If He does nothing else for me my whole life, and everything is completely miserable, isn’t His grace sufficient? Shouldn’t I just be happy that I’m going to go to heaven and be with Him forever? Why is it that the joy we had at our salvation fades like the glow on the face of Moses? Why must we constantly ask for a sign or a word from Him to believe that He’s there and He cares? Why isn’t His written Word enough for us?

I say we live a new kind of life. I say we live as if it is enough. I say we live out the joy or our salvation until the day we are delivered from these bodies of sin. If He never speaks to us again or performs another miracle in our presence, let’s live for Him anyways. Let’s pray even if it seems our prayers fall on deaf ears and let’s believe that He hears. Let’s sing songs of Worship as if He is there with us because we know, from His written Word that He is. Let us hope that even though the world around us is plagued with evil that we will be saved and delivered like Goshen was in Egypt. Let’s live our lives fully to God, expecting nothing in return, because we were already given the promise of salvation, and one day, maybe today, He will come to collect us. We don’t know when that’s coming, or if it’s coming through death or rapture, but we know He’s coming. And when He comes, let’s live our lives in a way that would allow Him to tell us that we didn’t falter when things looked bad. We didn’t give up when He didn’t answer our prayers the way we wanted Him to. We decided to trust in Him no matter what that means for us. We can be heros of the faith if we would just humble ourselves in the flesh. We can be the ones that God brags about to Satan when Satan thinks that we only love God because of the blessings. Job was tested. He was tried. And in the end, He had an encounter with the almighty God. He got educated by the Creator Himself.

Don’t be afraid to ask for patience or humility from God. You need them. Don’t be afraid of hard times or dry times or trials or tribulations or persecutions. You need them too. God refines by fire. If you haven’t been in the fire lately, God’s got one ready for you. We, as Americans, (and the rest of the world may have this problem too, but I know we Americans do,) are idolaters, giving ourselves to the gods of comfort and entertainment. We must run the ac in the summer and heat in the winter. We can’t stand it when the temperature is 20 degrees from room temperature. We must always have an iPod playing music because we can’t stand the sound of silence. We must have a tv and watch shows and movies because we can’t stand having nothing to do. I say stand. Boredom only comes to those who think they are better than the tasks that God lays before them. Comfort is dangerous and leads more into sin than opposition.

If I were the devil, (which I’m not) and I wanted to get you to sin, (which I don’t) all I would do is provide you with everything you need and give you a few things you want so you don’t want anything anymore and let your own desires lead you astray. Did you know that God did not make us to be lazy? God made us to strive, to work, to pursue, to race. And we are supposed to strive after Him, do His work, pursue His righteousness, and race toward the goal to win the prize. A crown that we can throw at the feet of Jesus saying, “I did this for You. You earned this, not me.” But when we feel like we’ve got everything we need, we no longer chase, and the chase is what gives us pleasure. We live for it. We love it. That’s why people seem happy when they are chasing, even after wrong things. They think that a particular woman or so much money or this video game or that level or job or status will satisfy, and it doesn’t. So they have to find something else to chase after or they are miserable: a drug, a lifestyle, a rebellion, a cause. We are meant to fight for something. To claim something as right and true and stand in the face of opposition. That is the thrill of life and God put that in us. But He wants that cause to be Him. Otherwise it’s not worth it. You’re either going to die for a cause or without one. Choose to die for the right one. But before you die for it, live for it. If you choose to live and die to save the trees and the rain-forests, they will eventually burn and you will have died in vain. If you want to save the whales, they will eventually die, and you will have died in vain. Live and die for Christ. He will last forever. There will be a new Heaven and a new Earth and the oceans will be taken away. Night will be taken away, but there will be Jesus. And there will be me. I will be there because I choose to live and die for Him. I want you to be there with me. What’s stopping you?

Day Five Thursday August 5th, 2010

2010-08-06T03:24:00.001-07:00

Day Five

Thursday August 5th, 2010

They cried to You and were delivered;

They trusted in You and were not ashamed

-Psalm 22:5

God did deliver His people and God does deliver us. If I trust in the Lord, I shall not be ashamed. Jesus took my shame and bore it on the cross. If I am to be ashamed of anything, it will be the times when I did not trust in Him and did not wait for Him to deliver me. If I think I can do things on my own or get out of a situation by my own cunning, I’m missing out of the glory and the power of God. What would God have done for Jacob if he did not contrive less that honorable ways to get the birthright and the blessing from his brother Esau? God had already promised him. Maybe it would be like his son Joseph, who was also promised power and promised, but found himself being sold into slavery by his brothers. But God made him 2nd in command in Egypt and brought salvation to the known world through the planning and preparation of Joseph. Even when he was accused, Joseph was not ashamed because he did nothing to be ashamed of. The world today is trying to shame believers into going along with everyone else. They are trying to shame us into calling something good that God calls evil. If we trust in God, we will not be ashamed on the day of judgement.

Day Four Wednesday August 4th, 2010

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Day Four

Wednesday August 4th, 2010

Our fathers trusted in You;

They trusted, and You delivered them.

-Psalm 22:4

The fathers of Israel, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, did trust in the Lord… most of the time. But every time they cried out the Lord for deliverance, He delivered them. Even when they didn’t cry out, like Abraham in Egypt, He still delivered them. And the people of Israel were delivered from slavery in Egypt. They were delivered through the wilderness. They were saved from enemies as they came into the promise land and they were able to overcome those inhabitants who were already there. During the time of the judges, they were delivered over and over again, as they kept falling into sin by not keeping the commandments of God after accepting His salvation. They were delivered from captivity in Persia, from the hand of Haman, from the people in the land during the rebuilding of the temple, and throughout history, God has kept a remnant of them alive and prosperous. They have survived every attempt at extermination, including, but not limited to, the Spanish inquisition and the Holocaust. God has preserved them and brought them back into their own land. God has delivered them from the hand of their enemies and He has plans for them to share His Word in the last days. He will not let them be extinguished. If you stand against the Jews, you will fall. They are still the chosen people of God, even though most of them have rejected His only Son. God still loves them, and He still keeps them. If any punishing is going to happen, God’s going to be the one that does it.

Day Three Tuesday August 3rd, 2010

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Day Three

Tuesday August 3rd, 2010

But You are holy,

Enthroned in praises of Israel.

-Psalm 22:3

God is holy. He is not like any other, and He chose the people of Israel to be His home. However, the people of Israel did not follow His commandment and traded their righteousness for sorrows. No people have been persecuted throughout time like the Jews. No people have survived such persecution either. And I’m sorry to say that their time of persecution and their time of sorrow is not yet over. But even though the scepter of righteousness has passed from their hands to the Gentiles, they are not forgotten. God still claims them as His people and He is bringing them back into the promised land. One day soon, He will reveal Himself to them and will be on the throne in Jerusalem. But until Israel will praise Him again, we will. God will receive praise from my lips. The rocks may keep silent for now, because I will lift up my voice in praise to my King.

Day Two Monday August 2nd, 2010

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Day Two

Monday August 2nd, 2010

O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear

And in the night season, and am not silent

-Psalm 22:2

Jesus cried out to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane three times to let the cup pass before Him, but not His will (Jesus) but the Father’s be done. (Luke 22:42) This is the only request of Jesus that the Father did not grant. He did not interfere with the torture that Jesus endured nor the mocking nor the false trials. Jesus cried out when He was beaten and nailed to the cross and the Father did nothing. Of course we know why. The Father did not hear the cries of His only begotten Son because He placed the judgement that we deserve on Jesus. When I cry out to God, I don’t deserve to be heard. When the Hebrews cried out in the wilderness for meat or in the promise land for a king, they did not deserve to be heard. But He heard anyway. He promised Solomon that when the people repented and looked toward the temple, that He would hear. And the only reason that He could hear and dispense mercy was because He didn’t hear Jesus on the cross. Otherwise, He would have been an unfair judge by not punishing evil. But He has punished my evil. He laid the full sentence on His only Son, so that I may be free. I cry out to Him in the daytime and in the night season, I am not silent, but God hears me, and that is all because He did not hear His Son on the cross. He did not rescue Him so He could rescue me.

Thank You Jesus. I could not have born the punishment I deserve.

Day One Sunday August 1st, 2010

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Day One

Sunday August 1st, 2010

To the Chief Musician. Set to “The Deer of the Dawn.” A Psalm of David.

My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?

Why are you so far from helping Me,

And from the words of My groaning?

-Psalm 22:1

Psalm 22 is a wonderful Psalm. It is prophetic of Jesus’ crucifixion. I wonder what David was thinking when he wrote it. The torturous death that David describes in detail had not yet been invented. However, David didn’t only write this Psalm, he set it to music. I don’t know what “Deer of the Dawn” sounded like, but I’m sure I would like to hear it.

Of course the first verse of this Psalm is famous, since it is quoted by Jesus on the cross at the ninth hour. (Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34) Perhaps this was to draw the attention of whoever was there to the Psalm they learned as children. Just the first line alone is troubling. Who has God forsaken? Who is God far from helping and who’s groaning words does God ignore? Is God not known for coming to the rescue of His people? Did He not send Moses back to free people as they groaned under slavery in Egypt? Did He not stay with them as a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night in the wilderness? Did He not feed them manna for which they neither toiled nor reaped, but simply gathered every morning? Did God not rescue His people time after time in the book of Judges when they followed false idols and played the harlot with false gods? Did He not bring them back from captivity and restore the temple through Nehemiah and did He not bring forth the Messiah, just as He promised? My God does all these things, and even the evil have not been forsaken. I know because I was one. So was Saul who became Paul. The only One that God forsook was His one and only Son. The only One that He didn’t help was Jesus off the cross. The only groaning He ignored was the cry of Jesus as He was beaten for my sin. David sang this in song, and I wonder if Jesus sang this with His disciples when they sang a hymn. (Matthew 26:30) Jesus lived this Psalm out. I read it in awe of what Jesus did for me, and in awe of the prophetic Word of God.

For the Month of August

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Here is my next personal challenge. You are welcome to hold me to it. Since August has 31 days and Psalm 22 has 31 verses, I hereby challenge myself to write about a verse every day. You, as the reader, are hereby known as Wanda (still) and your challenge is to let me know if you notice me skip a day. (Please keep in mind that I stay up late and will most likely be writing after midnight, so it may not show up for you until the next morning.) Any questions?

Day Thirty-One Saturday July 31st, 2010

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Day Thirty-One

Saturday July 31st, 2010

If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself

-2 Timothy 2:13

Jesus is faithful. He does not require us to be faithful first. He doesn’t even require us to remain faithful. He is faithful. His promises to us are guaranteed. When He passed around the cup of the covenant to the disciples, He did not drink because He wasn’t accepting their pledge of faithfulness, but giving His. I need to remember that. I’ve fallen so many times and I apologize to God so much. It’s easy for me to think that I don’t deserve His mercy and grace and the truth is that I don’t. But what I forget is that I never did deserve it. It was always mercy and grace. If I deserved it, it wouldn’t be mercy and grace, but just my wages, and the wages of sin is death. (Romans 3:23) He is faithful, even when I’m faithless, or maybe I should say… especially when I am faithless. But that’s when I need Him to be faithful the most.

Let me explain it this way. Let’s pretend that I have a friend named Fred. Fred is a good friend and is nice to me and we get long just fine. We treat each other well. (Some friends just sit around and make fun of each other all day and they think it’s fun. I wouldn’t.) Now one day, when I’ve been having an extremely bad day, I take it all out on poor Fred. I have been living in the flesh and got cut off in traffic. Maybe I just got laid off or yelled at or maybe I tried to argue someone into the Kingdom of Christ and they won the argument and I was kicking myself for losing. Fred comes by and tells me that I can’t argue anyone into the kingdom and I take it as an insult when it is supposed to be a correction. I blow up and say mean things about Fred, stomp and slam the door on my way out. If Fred is a faithful friend, we would still be friends. He would wait until all that emotion is out of my system and then come to me to try and reconcile our friendship. Once I say that I’m sorry, he would act like it never happened and as a result, our friendship would deepen. Well… that’s what Jesus does. He reconciles our relationship and forgets about every time I do something against Him. If Fred was not a good friend, he would figure that I didn’t want to be friends anymore and considered our friendship over. Jesus never does that. If there is still breath in our bodies, He is seeking a relationship with us. And if I, who is already a Christian, ever backslide, (which I hope will never happen,) then Jesus will always be waiting for me to realize how wrong I was and come back to Him. (Check out Luke 15)

Now about the line, He cannot deny Himself. We all know that when we accept Christ and we become Christians, the Holy Spirit comes and dwells in our hearts. (Check out Ephesians 3:16-17) Well, God is truly three persons, but one God. If the Holy Spirit is in us, and the Holy Spirit and Jesus are One, then Jesus cannot oppose Himself. He Himself says that a house divided against itself cannot stand. (Matthew 12:25) That is also why that we know if the Holy Spirit tells us anything, it is going to agree with the Bible. We know that He will always agree with Himself. Also, we know that the Bible will always agree with itself so if we get confused by a passage, we can look up other passages on the same subject for a better understanding. There’s also the context and the original language to consider. I believe that anyone who has the Holy Spirit can read the Bible and understand it without needing someone to teach it to him or her. The Holy Spirit teaches. However, I still believe that we should have teachers, (at least until we get to heaven,) because God seems to like using them. It is good for us to serve each other in the way of teaching the Word. Also, there are people who don’t know what the Holy Spirit sounds like even though the bible says that the sheep know the shepherd’s voice. (John 10:4) They are maybe new Christians who don’t quite understand that God speaks to people individually. (Like Samuel in 1 Samuel 3) I like to go and hear how God has moved on these Pastor’s hearts and hear what He told them. They bring a new light to the Word that I haven’t thought of before. I’m not wrong in the way I look at it, but they look at it through the eyes of their experience with God and their experience with the world and I don’t always see it that way. I can learn to avoid a lot of troubles by hearing what they went through and I can learn to follow God more closely when I hear how they follow God. We don’t need teachers, but if anyone thinks that they are too good to sit through a teacher (even a particular teacher) then they need the teaching the most. They are being faithless to the calling of humility that God places on our lives. We are to be gentle lowly creatures, Wanda. We are to lay down our pride and self image and pick up our crosses. My cross isn’t a small golden one on a chain around my neck, but a rugged backbreaking wooden one that gives me splinters. My cross is the cares and prayers of those around me. My cross is the pain that comes when people reject my savior. My cross hurts, but I am called to carry it. But even if I put it down for a moment to “rest,” Jesus is faithful to remind me that I need to carry it. I shouldn’t try to rest from the burdens I carry, but like Simon helped Jesus bear His cross, He’ll help me bear mine. If I grow weary and drop the cross, He will pick me up and put me on it and carry both me and the cross until I’m ready to help again. This is nothing for God. It’s everything for me. But it means so much to Jesus that I do this. And it’s because of the love I have for Him that I obey. I need to leave my selfishness behind. The cross is already heavy enough without me adding more to it.

This is that last day of my personal challenge. I haven’t decided whether or not to continue this into August. It’s been a tremendous blessing to me. I cannot be certain that it has blessed you, Wanda. I was thinking of continuing without asking for accountability, but I already know that I’m faithless, and I would stop. So the question is whether I should just stop, or try to continue and have you help me by keeping me accountable. I’ll pray and sleep on it.

Day Thirty Friday July 30th, 2010

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Day Thirty

Friday July 30th, 2010

“Watch and pray, lest you enter temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

-Mark 14:38

Amen. I want to do so much for the Lord. I don’t want to have to sleep. I don’t want to have to eat. I enjoy those things, but they sometimes get in the way of doing what I want to do for the Lord. And there’s the temptation. Not eating and sleeping, for the Lord knows I need those things. The temptation is what I want to do for the Lord. Peter was supposed to watch while Jesus prayed, but he grew weary and fell asleep. But when the trouble came, he was ready and decide to fight, (badly) and cut off an ear. The temptation that Peter always faced was to give into the desires of the flesh, whether for sleep or to be the hero or protector, he trusted in his strength rather than the strength of Jesus. I am guilty of this too. I get excited and want to fight, thinking that I’m fighting for Jesus but Jesus never called me to fight. He calls me to stand. (Check out Ephesians 6) So I need to watch and pray. I don’t want to enter into temptation even if it enters my life. I want to do great things in the name and the power of Jesus, but my flesh is indeed weak. (But check out 2 Corinthians 12:9)

Day Twenty-Nine Thursday July 29th, 2010

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Day Twenty-Nine

Thursday July 29th, 2010

The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate.

-Proverbs 8:13

I admit that I do not always hate evil. I don’t always shun it. In my weak times, I even endure it in my own life and in my own heart. However, Romans 12:9 says, “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.” I need to ask God to remove evil from me and I need to see it for what it truly is. Evil is harmful. I am to hate what is harmful. Harm doesn’t always come in hurt. Pain can be a good thing when it strengthens you. But harmful is always harmful. Pride and arrogance is harmful and it has crept inside the church. It has crept inside our church. It has crept inside my church. I didn’t even know it was here. Is it in me? Am I prideful and arrogant? I know that there are times when I am. And in those times, I pray. But I wonder if there are times that I am and don’t know it. I don’t pray for God to take away my pride because I don’t know I have it. And how do I confront it in others? Do I outright call them out? Can I do it gently? My heart is to restore. I don’t want them to leave. I just want them to realize they have this pride and arrogance and repent.

Lord, remove from me any pride and arrogance that I have right now. Please let me be humble and lowly, like you were when they hung you on the cross. I can understand being despised by men, but let me live in a way that I will never be despised by you. Please keep me from the same sin as the devil. I don’t want to ever think I deserve anything or that I’m too good for anything. I deserve nothing, Lord. But You give me everything. I love you, my Jesus. It’s in Your name that I pray. Amen.

Day Twenty-Eight Wednesday July 28th, 2010

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Day Twenty-Eight

Wednesday July 28th, 2010

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you with all joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and the confirmation of the gospel, you are all partakers with me of grace. For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ.

-Philippians 1:3-8

Paul loved the church in Philippi. He prayed for them every time he thought about them. There are certain people that are like that to us in our lives. Some that we pray for in joy, like Paul, and some that we pray for in trepidation. (Don’t feel bad if you have to look this one up, Wanda. I had to look it up to. (After I wrote it.)) There are people who we pray for because we fear they are choosing the wrong path. We pray that God would show Himself clearly so that they could simply choose. Life has a way of creating a haze around the simple truth of God and sometimes God needs to disrupt our lives to clear the haze. But I hope that people don’t have to pray for me in that way. I would rather them pray for me with joy. I would rather pray for others with joy. If I could encourage you to do one thing today, Wanda, let it be that you live your life in a way that causes people to pray for you with all joy. Don’t be a burden on others and their prayer lives. If you need help, by all means, ask for help, but don’t think that you can have someone pray that you’ll be “safe” and go on continuing to live in a way that is opposition to God. (And remember that you are either for God or against Him. There is no other option.) There are people that I pray for, and I ask that God would smack them. (Not smite.) I want God to shake them up so much that they fall to pieces and the bit of ground that God does have in their hearts, which is unshakable, would remain. (Check out Hebrews 12:27) The fear I have for their lives is that nothing will remain because they are so living a rebellious life that I cannot be certain that there is any ground.

Now a note on rebellion. It does not always look like rebellion. It does not always look selfish, but rebellion is always selfish. You want to do things your way. You want to be the hero. You want to change the way things work so that your view is accepted as the superior view. What makes rebellion fun is that it speaks to that part of your nature that was implanted into Eve and Adam through the lie of Satan back in the garden. Satan doesn’t care what you rebel against, as long as you rebel. There is no rebelling against Satan because Jesus said that, “if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.” (Mark 3:25) We are called on to resist the devil (Check out James 4:7) not rebel. Rebellion brings about passion and anger and a lot of people say that it’s a righteous anger. People quote Psalm 4:4 at me which says, “Be angry, and do not sin” to justify their anger over any particular topic. That actually makes me angry, that they would twist the Word of God to justify their own passions. What does the rest of the verse say? “Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah.” If they would be angry and go and meditate within their hearts and be still, then I would have less of a problem with it. Instead, that verse is used to justify many unrighteous acts of slander and violence. People call Jesus a rebel, but He never broke any laws or rules. Hm driving people out of the temple was not a rash decision, but calculated to turn the Father’s house back into a place of worship. After He cleared it, He sat down and taught. If you are looking out to pour out God’s wrath on people, you need to be rebuked by Jesus, for you do not know of which spirit you are of. (Check out Luke 9:54-56) Instead, be wronged. Turn the other cheek, live at peace with all men. God claims vengeance as His own. It is not our job to fight. It is our job to stand. (Check out Matthew 5, Romans 12, and Ephesians 6.)

Now back to the passage: Paul is thanking God for the fellowship in the gospel of the Philippians. Notice that it’s fellowship in the gospel. It’s not the fellowship of the pool hall or of the pot luck or of the ring. It’s the fellowship of the gospel. If you are building fellowship with people around anything that is not God, it will not last. If you are not building up those around you and encouraging them in the Word of God, you are not investing in an eternal relationship. This doesn’t mean you have to quote scripture all the time, but you can encourage them by living a life that gets them to thank God for you and pray for you with all joy. A tree is either growing or rotting. Which are you? There is not other option. When you get together, let it be for the glory of Christ. You can still go bowling or golfing or whatever it is that people with extra time do, but do it all for the glory of Christ. Let people look at your life and praise God for you. Can you live that way?

I know what you’re thinking, Wanda. You’re thinking that it’s a lot of work to live right. There are so many things that you’ve done that you are so used to doing that it’s hard to stop. And on top of that, there are a lot of things that you should be doing that you’re not and it’s hard to start. You’re right. It is hard. But that’s okay. Do the hard things. Read Philippians 4:13 and be encouraged. But remember that it is Christ who is working it all out to perfection and He will never stop until the work is done. Just don’t give up. Persevere. Endure. Last until the end. If you do, it will be a good ending. (Check out Revelation 2:10)

Paul was imprisoned for the gospel, and everyone who prayed with him took part in that suffering. They all suffered. The victory of Paul’s perseverance was awarded to them all. If I could encourage you to do two things, Wanda, the first would be to live a life which causes others to pray for you with all joy, and the second is to pray for others with all joy. Take part in their sufferings for the sake of the gospel and praise God for them. Pray for their strength to come from the Lord and pray for them to endure to the end. And you, through prayer, endure with them.

God knows how much we love. He is my witness to any who ask about me. If you wonder if I love you, ask God. He is my witness. I love many of you, but I’m not holy enough to love all of you, although I know that I should love everyone. One day, I will be. One day, God’s going to complete the work He’s doing in me. He is, after all, faithful.

Day Twenty-Seven Tuesday July 27th, 2010

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Day Twenty-Seven

Tuesday July 27th, 2010

And a voice spoke to him a second time, “What God has cleansed you must not call common.”

-Acts 10:15

The context of this verse is Peter on the roof of Simon the Tanner in Joppa. Cornelius has already sent men to fetch him and they are about to arrive. Peter does not yet know this and goes up on the roof to pray. He is hungry. God gives him a vision of a sheet being let down from heaven with all kinds of animals on it. God tells him to rise, kill, and eat, but Peter protests. He tells God that he has never eaten any unclean animal and God tells him the verse above. He is preparing Peter to share with the Gentiles, the very Gentiles who were about to knock on the door.

This was a rebuke (albeit a soft one) for Peter and it is one for me too. Peter thought that being a Jew made him better than others, whereas I thought that being a sinner made me worse. I am a sinner, but I am cleansed by the blood of God and so I may not debase or ridicule myself anymore. I don’t know what potential God saw in me when He decided to save me, but I don’t see it. If I lived went back in time to the time when Jesus walked the earth before He hung on the cross for my shame, I would probably try to convince Him not to go. My argument would be that I’m not worth it. I would say that it’s a bad deal and that He’s not going to get as much as He gives. Of course, He would rebuke me probably the same way He did Peter when He said, “Get behind me Satan,” (Matthew 16:23) and I would have kept quiet… for a while.

The truth is that I don’t think a lot of myself and I know I’m not worthy of God’s grace… but if I were worthy of it, it wouldn’t be grace, then would it? The problem is that it’s just so easy to see my own sin, and I get overwhelmed by how ugly it is. I know it’s paid for. I know I’m forgiven. I don’t have to say, “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Romans 7:24) because I know that Jesus will. He does it. He did it. It’s done. But until I can shed this body of death like a serpent sheds his old skin, I will have to keep a perspective that I am more than what I see in the mirror. Behind this frail human mask is an eternal soul, empowered by and is the dwelling place of the Living and Everlasting God. It’s a wonderful honor to be who I am. I have been cleansed and am continually shaped and formed everyday to be more and more like Jesus.

It’s still true that I have nothing of value to offer Jesus. My works are not good enough. My intelligence is not smart enough. My muscles aren’t strong enough. But He doesn’t want that. He just wants my surrender. He just wants my weakness. He wants me to trust Him with what I cannot do on my own, which I’m realizing more and more that that’s everything. He wants me. Not my skills. Not my abilities. Not my talents. Just me. I have been cleansed by the blood of God and am no longer common. I need to start treating myself that way.

Day Twenty-Six Monday July 26th, 2010

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Day Twenty-Six

Monday July 26th, 2010

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, to which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles.

-2 Timothy 1:7-11

I love that God has not given us a spirit of fear. In fact, His Spirit, which is perfect in love, casts out fear (Check out 1 John 4:18.) His Spirit is one of power and of a sound mind. (Ooh… perfect verse for the sound guys at church.) We are not to fear because we have the power of God living in us. Notice that He is not at our fingertips so that we can control Him, but think of it as we are His fingertips that He uses to touch others around us. A few of you may claim to have been touched directly by God, to be by yourself and alone in your thoughts, but God came down and “touched” you. He did do this in the Bible. I’m thinking Abraham, Jacob, Moses, the Disciples, and Saul (who became Paul) all had their lives changed by a direct encounter with God. However, most people are touched by God through other people. You and me. And we who go out and are the fingertips of God must first be filled with His Holy Spirit, which doesn’t fear, but has this power to change lives and a sound mind so that we do this in an organized manner. No one filled with the Holy Spirit acts like one who is filled with a demon. The Holy Spirit is orderly, and we must use the gifts He gives us in such a way.

Paul also tells us not to be ashamed. Why should we? We have the Spirit of power and of a sound mind. Why should we be afraid of what others think. There is a line drawn in the sand. (Check out Exodus 32:26) We need to make a choice and let people know where we stand. If we stand with God, and that puts us in prison, then we will rejoice in suffering for the gospel. Joseph did. Peter did. Paul did. Silas did. Barnabas did. And there are quite a few modern brothers and sisters around the world who are living today in prison for the sake of the Gospel. God has called us to be His fingertips to touch the lives around us. God wants us to pray for everyone, “For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” (1 Timothy 2:3:4) In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul had been praying for God to remove a “thorn in his flesh,” but Jesus answers him in verse 9, saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

This was never plan B. Jesus going to the cross was the plan from the very beginning. God knew Eve would be tricked and He knew Adam would fall. He knew from the beginning that we would break His heart and that His Son would give His life, but He went through with it and created the world the way He did anyway. Now either our God isn’t that smart, or our God knows more than we do and there is something good at the end that makes all this pain worth going through. He was not afraid of the pain. He does not have a spirit of fear, but a Spirit of power and a sound mind. That’s the God I worship. That’s the God in whose image I am being fashioned. That’s the God I love. If I have to go through pain in this life, I know that the pain is worth going through. I know that in the end, when death is abolished and immortality is not just something the Bible describes, but something I’m experiencing, and when I cannot teach or preach anymore because we will all see Him face to face, that whatever pain I went through here on Earth will be worth it, and I won’t regret a single lesson God has taught me. But for now, I will suffer. Less than most, more than some, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, (Philippians 4:13) but remember 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that His strength is made perfect in weakness. Well, I’m weak, Lord. I admit. Please show Your strength.

Day Twenty-Five Sunday July 25th, 2010

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Day Twenty-Five

Sunday July 25th, 2010

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

-Ephesians 4:1-3

Oh course all the pastors say it, and I cannot ignore it. “If you ever see a therefore in scripture look back to see what the therefore is there for.” So I did, and back in verse 17 of chapter 3, we see, “that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love.” Therefore, since Christ is in our hearts, I (meaning Paul,) a prisoner of God beseech (which means to beg or more in this case, command,) you to walk worthy of the calling with which you are called. What are you called to? What job or what task did God give you to do? Are you doing it, Wanda? I would also consider myself a prisoner to Christ, but being a prisoner in Christ is like hanging out in a city jail while the world out there is starving and killing each other. Sure, you can’t leave, but you don’t want to. It’s warm when it’s cold outside and cool when it’s hot outside. You get three meals a day, exercise time, and the same bars that keep you in keep others out. I would rather be a prisoner of Christ than “free” in the world. I put quotes around free because we are never truly free. If Christ does not reign in us, then our desires do. If not our desires, then our sense of morality which is a lie from Satan. Satan is the one that tells you that you only have to be a good person to go to heaven. God says that no one is good. (Romans 3:23) Satan tells you that love and peace are possible no matter what religion you are or who is God. God says that He alone is God (Umm.. The whole Bible) and His peace surpasses all understanding and guards our hearts and our minds. (Philippians 4:7) We are all prisoners of someone, God just gives us the power to choose who. I choose Christ. I call myself a prisoner, a bondservant, a willing slave. He calls me an heir, a son, a child. It’s a good relationship. The more I think I deserve something, the less I deserve it. I must decrease so that He may increase. (Okay Wanda, Here’s a challenge. Find out where in the Bible that verse is from and who said it. If you win, you get to keep reading. If you don’t, I will trust you to hang your head in shame and call a friend to help you before continuing to read.

I’ll wait.

Okay. Good. You found it. So as a prisoner of the Lord, I cannot really go out giving commands. I wish I could just command you to follow the Lord and to work worthy of your calling, but I can’t. I don’t have that authority. I cannot judge whether or not you are because I have my own calling with which to concern myself. However, I would encourage and exhort (that means that I would persuade you to action) you to figure out what God wants you to do and then to do it, no matter how hard or impossible that it may seem. I don’t want you to take a Spiritual Gift Assessment test. Just go to the source. Get into a quiet place and pray and listen. He will speak. If He doesn’t, just wait longer. We don’t have to constantly listen to music or watch TV. Our brains can and should be stimulated in the presence of God and Him alone. Would you decide not to go to heaven if you found out that you can’t bring your iPod? (You can’t. You’ll have to leave it here.) So turn it off, whatever it is, and get someplace where it’s just you and God and pray and listen. (Check out James 4:8)

Once you know what God wants you to do, then go out and do it. Don’t act special because you have a job. Just go and do it. I know that God has put it in my heart to teach. So I teach whoever will listen. I will teach kids or grown-ups or dogs if I have to. (My dog doesn’t care much for teaching, and treats only last so long.) I’ve given the Gospel to my bedroom ceiling plenty of times in different ways using different text. I’m to tell people about Jesus, offer the invitation, and encourage and exhort them to a right relationship with Him. Does this mean I’m better than others? Absolutely not. I don’t know all the answers, but I know the one who does. I just ask, listen, and wait for an answer. God talks to me through prayers and through His Word. Sometimes He tells me what I need to hear, but most of the time, He sends me flipping through my Bible because although it’s enough to convince me that God told me, other people wouldn’t and shouldn’t take me at my word. My word isn’t worth anything compared to God’s Word. I’m going to stand on that and from that will I place my foundations of thought. I don’t always understand everything I read either, nor do I always read the things I understand, but what I do know, I proclaim to you without hesitation. Jesus is Lord and He has made a way to the Father. It’s through Him and it’s through the cross. It’s a hard road, but it’s worth it. Are you worthy to walk it? It has nothing to do with your abilities. In fact, your abilities are a hinderance on this road. This road is a road for the broken, for the weak, for the sick, and for the poor. Whatever you had, leave it at the feet of Jesus and leave it at the cross. God wants you and only you. No baggage allowed. He will sustain. He will provide. He will supply. You just walk in faith that if you get hungry, food will be given before you starve to death if you just keep walking. If you’re thirsty, trust that water would appear before you die of dehydration. The food is the Word of God and the Holy Spirit is the Water. Eat and drink fully as much as you can take. Put it to practice. That is what you are called to, so do it.

When you do it, whatever God has for you, be wary of spiritual pride. I don’t even like jokes about it. What if someone takes you seriously when you’re joking? What if the adage of there is a bit of truth in every lie is true and you cover up your real spiritual pride by saying it’s a joke? What if you are hiding it even from your own self? In everything you do, consider yourself least and a servant of all as Jesus commanded. Be gentle, so that no one is injured physically or spiritually. It is not your job to punish or pronounce judgment, but God’s. Even if someone has wronged you, God claims vengeance as His. You live at peace with all men. (Check out Romans 12) But instead, love those who hate you and bless those who persecute you. (Check out Matthew 5:44) Show love. Pursue peace. Suffer long for the sake of others. It is in this way that you will be most like Christ.

Day Twenty-Four Saturday July 24th, 2010

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Day Twenty-Four

Saturday July 24th, 2010

But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own country, among his own relatives, and in his own house.”

-Mark 6:4

But He answered them saying, “Who are My mothers and My brothers?” And He looked around in a circle at those who sat about Him, and said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of God is My brother and My sister and My mother.”

-Mark 3:33-35

So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake’s and the gospel’s, who shall not receive a hundred fold now in this time - houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions - and in the age to come, eternal life.”

-Mark 10:29-30

Luke 4:21. (Look this one up yourself.)

Day Twenty-Three Friday July 23rd, 2010

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Day Twenty-Three

Friday July 23rd, 2010

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

-2 Timothy 4:7

Today was the last day of VBS. I am exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep until I wrote to you, Wanda. Total numbers. 363 kids between the three weeks. About 13 kids gave their lives to Christ. 1 gift of prophecy discovered. I taught 75 VBS lessons. (5 a day for 15 days.) I built a donkey three times, swept up hundreds of strands of hay, caught dozens of kids from falling, but challenged all of them to stand on the truth and not believe the subtle lies of the the world.

VBS is an amazing time to reach out to kids. Some kids only go to church at VBS because they get invited by friends. We charge $30 for our VBS, but if you don’t have the money, there are ways to still attend. Even if you do pay, $30 for 4 hours a day of childcare isn’t a bad deal. And on top of that, they get the Word of God. It’s sad how many kids are being raised by grandparents. It made me want to cry today when a child started a story with the words, “Once when my dad came to visit.” I didn’t cry, but the fact that it’s so commonplace is dreadful. Kids shouldn’t have to be good at dealing with divorce. But even so, when those kids come to VBS, they are loved by dozens of helpers and teachers and rotaters. We allow kids to serve as young as 8th grade and there are grandparents serving with us as well. And most of us served all three weeks.

But now it’s over, and as much fun as it was, I’m glad it’s over. But you can praise the Lord with me that some kids were reborn, others were watered, but I believe that all of them grew. Amen.

Day Twenty-Two Thursday July 22nd, 2010

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Day Twenty-Two

Thursday July 22nd, 2010

When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because you have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.

-Psalm 63:6-7

As many of you may know, I’m a night person. I don’t always get to bed before the sun comes up. But night time is when I get in my writing and reading. That is when I sit and meditate on the Lord and pray and listen and ask questions and seek answers. The day is so busy, and there is so much to do that I love it when things quiet own and I can spend some time in silence dwelling on the presence of the Lord. In the mornings, if I wake up for them, I usually jump out of bed late for whatever I was going to be doing. I was too selfish in sleep and didn’t get up when I was supposed to, but at night, I can stay up as late as I want and seek the Lord. I did notice this Psalm starts out, “O God, You are my God; Early I will seek You,” and I am up early in the morning… just as early as some people rise, but the difference is that I haven’t gone to sleep yet. Okay, so far, I’ve just talked about my night habit. Not helpful, is it Wanda. I guess I could erase it, but I’m going to just move on.

God is so good that He should be the last thing going on my mind before we go to sleep. Before I was saved, I would use that time to go over every detail of the day that I could remember and look for clues or signs in my conversations with people to figure out what they were trying to say or didn’t or figure out where I messed up that day so I could be smoother in the future and planning every possible scenario for the next day. That process was birthed out of a desire to control my life, but it always ended in being so complicated that I would go to sleep from mental exhaustion. Now that I meditate on the Lord, I drift off to sleep in comfort. I’m not trying to untangle the mysteries of God. I’m thinking about them and enjoying them. It’s more like a child watching a magic trick an enjoying the show instead of trying to figure out how he did it. It’s more like someone in love thinking about his lover instead of trying to figure out how to control the relationship. It’s like drifting down steam on an easy current instead of trying to swim against it. It’s peaceful and relaxing.

When my life is not as nice as I would like it to be, and I am stressed or worried or afraid, I also flee to my bed as sanctuary. I give up trying to fight my circumstances and pray and sleep and allow God to change my heart. My bed is my sanctuary. It’s where I hide in the shadow of His wings. He protects me. I’m no longer scared or worried or afraid. I know He has it so I can sleep. It’s me letting go.

Just in case you are worried that I’m making an idol out of my bed, I’m not. I just got it last year, but slept on the floor the year before that and thought the same way. It’s not the bed that I’m loving, but the fellowship with my Father in Heaven when it’s just me and Him. Anything else is much more distracting. Even my dog knows not to bother me when I’m in bed. Speaking of bed. Goodnight.

Day Twenty-One Wednesday July 21st, 2010

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Day Twenty-One

Wednesday July 21st, 2010

The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from or where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the spirit.

-John 3:8

So there might be a meteorologist out there that might disagree with Jesus on this one. He might say that he knows where the wind comes from. It comes from the evaporation of water over the lakes and oceans that move the air around that they can map it all our on a world scale. An engineer might say that we know where it goes over or under the machines we designed and since we’ve used technology to unravel one of the mysteries of God, it seems to make God less mysterious.

I say that even though you think God is less mysterious, you must admit that makes God more wonderful. The fact that it took us thousands of years and so much technology to understand the ecosystem that God spoke into existence with only a few words makes God seem more wonderful. It’s easier to say that God created the world, and it’s true, and it gives God the glory, but to say that God made water so it would evaporate and hundreds of molecules evaporating at the same time over a nice sunny warm patch of ocean (not to mention that the boiling temperature of salt water is lower than fresh water so water evaporates faster in the ocean than in lakes) moves air around and that movement of air travels hundreds, if not thousands, of miles to land, then through valleys and over mountains and hills to bring that nice cool breeze on that hot summer day, and after the wind kisses you on the cheek, it travels on, pushing clouds over the land to water it so that the vegetation can grow and the beasts of the land can drink. The fact that there is wind allows us to have life on Earth. If there was no wind, there would be no life. (Unless God set up a different system.)

Since I am not a meteorologist or an engineer, I know very little about wind. (I think I just told you everything I know.) When it’s windy outside, I don’t try to figure out what body of water it came from and try to deduce if a storms coming because of it. I just appreciate it as wind and that’s all. Also, after it sweeps across my face and ruffles my hair, I don’t know where God is going to send it next. I do hear the sound of it and feel the affects, but I don’t see it and I can’t manipulate it with my own power. (I can displace a little amount of air and make some wind in my own power, but not enough to do anything useful.)

But I am born of the spirit. I show up where God sends me and do His work. But I have skills that don’t represent where I came from. Jesus did more than anyone thought of a carpenter. David did more than anyone thought of a shepherd that followed the sheep. (That’s the lowest shepherd position.) Peter did more than anyone thought of a fisherman. Nehemiah did more than anyone thought of a cup bearer. (He was the king’s food taster. If he died, the king’s food was poisoned. What a fun job.) I’m not bragging about how cool I am, but I am bragging about how cool God is and that He would use me, even though I don’t have the necessary qualifications of service. Wait… I take that back. I don’t have what the world would set as qualifications. I have what God requires. Surrender. I have surrendered my life to Jesus and that is all He required of me. Anything more would have been impossible for me to give. Even surrendering all of me is too much for me at times. I have to constantly be reminding myself that I am not my own man. I was bought for at a price and I am owned by God, to do His will. And even though He calls me child and friend, I still call Him Lord and Master, which means that I am His Servant, and I have no right to complain.

But more than that, He empowers me to do wonderful things. He gives me opportunity to use the giftings He’s given me for His glory and I am blessed (spiritually excited) to be a part of it. I don’t know when the Holy Spirit will move upon me next to do something great. It could be tomorrow, next week, or even tonight as I write this. I do know that we, as Christians, can miss out on His Works because we don give the Holy Spirit enough credit. We earn degrees in theology to prove that we know what we’re talking about and we have badges and medals and diplomas and other paraphernalia to prove that we are worth knowing or worth hiring. What if we just recognized God in each other? Why can’t two people of the same Spirit recognize and just fellowship with each other? Can we? Do we? I think we do to a certain degree. You don’t interview friends, but you do choose them. As Christians, do we choose friends that we see the Holy Spirit in? I do. If I see the Holy Spirit working in someone’s life, I want to get close to that person. My spirit yearns to connect with those who are following Christ. We are stronger as two or three than as one. (Check out Ecclesiastes 4:12 and Proverb 27:17)

Ask for the blessings and gifts of the Holy Spirit. I have asked for everyone that I’ve found and although He hasn’t seen it fit to give me them all, He has given me a lot of them. I don’t think I would have some of them if I didn’t specifically ask for them, but having them myself helps me see them in others. I’m not done yet either. I’m still asking for them. I’m still searching out the scriptures for these treasures that are a benefit to me both now on Earth and later in Heaven. I can earn the rewards in Heaven by using the gifts of the Spirit to bless those around me here on Earth. Not every reward in Heaven is gained by giving something up on Earth, but we must give up our pride and self-seeking nature. It’s hard to give up, but easy to take up again. People tell me that it’s impossible, but I don’t believe them. I’m going to keep trying. What is impossible for man is possible for God. (Check out Matthew 19:26, Mark 10:27, Luke 18:27, and Philippians 4:13.)

Day Twenty Tuesday July 20th, 2010

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Day Twenty

Tuesday July 20th, 2010

Pursue love, and desire spiritual gifts, but especially that you may prophesy. For he who speaks in a tongue does not speak to men but to God, for no one understands him; however, in the spirit he speaks mysteries. But he who prophesies speaks edification and exhortation and comfort to men. He who speaks in a tongue edifies himself, but he who prophesies edifies the church. I wish you all spoke with tongues, but even more that you prophesied; for he who prophesies is greater than he who speaks with tongues, unless indeed he interprets, that the church may receive edification.

-1 Corinthians 14:1-5

Yesterday a girl came to me at the end of VBS asking about how the Bible was written. She asked if God told them what to write and they just wrote it. I told her that they just wrote what Jesus said and did (referring to the gospels) and the epistles were letters written to different churches. They didn’t know they were writing the Bible, but God put it on other men’s hearts to put the Bible together years later. I didn’t spend much time on this because it wasn’t the heart of the question. She was hearing God and was wondering if she should write it down. My spirit was moved when she told me this and I recognized the voice as she described it, but I asked her to write it all down and show me. Today, at the end of VBS, she did. God is speaking to her. She has not read the whole Bible, but she was speaking out of Romans and Philippians and John and a 1st John and a few other books. The words weren’t verbatim, but the message was God’s message. We have a prophetess in our midsts!

I remember receiving the same gift when I came to the Lord, but I wasn’t 12 like this girl, I was 18. I was quoting scripture before I read scripture, and as I grew older and have grown in His Word, He still speaks through me, but now I have chapter and verse most of the time, and when I don’t, I still have His main message. I’m so excited for this girl. Not everyone can hear the voice of God so clearly. I get main ideas, but she gets word for word. (She doesn’t speak the way she writes what God says, and even though it’s simple enough for her to understand, it definitely isn’t her voice.)

So I exercised my gifts of encouragement and exhortation. I encouraged her to keep listening and exhorted her to write it all down. I gave her a journal to use and she said she would share with me what God says. God has shown me wonderful things. He has shown me the tribulation days, (weird locusts creatures and all) creation, the naming of the animals, and the baptism of Jesus, and as cool as those are, I’m super excited about what God is doing in our midsts through these children. I have a lot of spiritual gifts because I ask for them and I seek them in prayer. God grants them to me out of His goodness and it has nothing to do with my abilities to do anything, but as much as I have, I feel like I have the least that God is willing to give. I believe that this little girl will receive a greater portion of the gift of prophesy than I have received and I’m not jealous at all. I am excited for her and I hope to guide her in using it for the edification of the body of Christ.

It is good for us to want the spiritual gifts, but it would be wrong to use them to draw attention to ourselves. I do speak in tongues, but if you’ve ever heard me do it, then I have been careless with that gift. It is for my edification. When I’m around others, it is better to use the gift of prophesy or encouragement or exhortation or teaching. I’ve asked for all these gifts individually. I think we miss out by not asking for these gifts. I think we are too happy with too little, as if the best God could do was to remove adversity from our lives. In fact, that’s the one thing that we ask of God that hinders His work. Without adversity, we do not strive to get closer to God. We get stuck in a routine and we don’t ask God for help anymore because we just believe that everything will just work out the way it did yesterday. But if everyday brought new troubles, then we would be praying everyday for God’s will to be done in our lives. Pray for the gifts, Wanda. God want’s to give them to you. His Holy Spirit gives liberally as He sees fit. I can tell you that the more you are surrendered to the will of God, the more He will use you. And as He uses you, He will give you the Spiritual gifts needed to complete the tasks that He has assigned. What’s stopping you? Is it fear? Is it comfort? These are false gods that Christians commit idolatry with. Put off fear and leave comfort behind. God is faithful and the road is bumpy, but it’s worth it.

Day Nineteen Monday July 19th, 2010

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Day Nineteen

Monday July 19th, 2010

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.

-Psalm 139:14

God knows me because He made me. He put me together. He knows my strengths and weaknesses. He knows the thoughts and intents of my heart. Someone once told me that he didn’t have a say in being born. He said he would rather have chosen never to existed than to suffer all the pain he was feeling. I don’t think God created us for pain. I think He created us for pleasure, both his and ours. I think our pain is the result of us trying to get pleasure from sources other than Him. He knows what I need. He made me, after all. I don’t know much about the human body, but from what I do know, we are amazing creations. From cells to our neurological system to involuntary reactions to our immune system and so much more that I can neither pronounce or spell. We cannot create machines as efficient as a human and everything I have in my body, a baby has a miniature working version of. God is truly amazing. His works are amazing, and the longer I live, the more I come to realize that. We have every reason to praise God. Do you have any reason to doubt Him?

Day Eighteen Sunday July 18th, 2010

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Day Eighteen

Sunday July 18th, 2010

And Mordecai told them to answer Ester: “Do not think in your heart that you will escape in the king’s palace any more than all the other Jews. For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?

-Esther 4:13-14

Here’s a quick background: The Jews are under Persian rule at this time. The Jews have already been allowed to rebuild the temple in Jerusalem and many have went, but there are still many more living throughout the Persian empire. The Persian king, Ahasuerus, held a huge 180 day party followed by a seven day feast. Well, him being a king, this was a drinking party, and he calls his wife, Queen Vashti, to come and dance for him and his high up officials. (It is hinted that this is not a polka or country dancing, but something a little more PG-13 rated or higher.) She refuses, and to save his honor, the king banishes her from his presence forever. (He actually makes a royal decree. (Which goes to show that if you are king and get drunk with your friends, you might end up making irreversible laws that you may regret later.) So now that this powerful king of the world has a restraining order against his own wife, he decides to hold a contest to find the most beautiful girl in kingdom to be his new wife. Beautiful young girls are brought in from all over and each one spends at least six months going through a beautification process before her one night with the king. In this one night, she has to convince the king that she is better than all the past girls and better than any girl that might come after her. If she doesn’t succeed, she gets to spend the rest of her life in the harem with the other failures. (They would not be allowed out to go back to their lives since they’ve been with the king and are considered his property. Talk about woman’s suffrage.) The one who wins his “heart” is named Esther (her Jewish name was Hadassah… but it was too Jewish for a cute girl in Persia) and she becomes the new queen. Meanwhile, the king’s right hand man, Haman has a vendetta out against the Jews. (He’s an Agagite, a decendent from King Agag whom Saul didn’t kill when Samuel told him to, and not it’s coming around to bite the Jews.) He wants them exterminated from the earth. He tricks the King into signing an irreversible decree that on a certain day, everyone in the Kingdom of Persia (which, at this time, is most of the known world) will be able to kill any Jew they encounter and take their stuff. Neither the king nor Haman know that Ester is Jewish, but her cousin Mordecai does. (Lot’s of people call Mordecai her uncle, but I would like to draw your attention to Esther 2:7.) He tells her to go to the king and plead with him, but she is scared. Then there is the speech I’ve quoted above.

The message he gives her, and I believe it’s the same message God gives us, is that we are not God’s only hope. God does plan for us to act on His command. He does hold us responsible for inaction as well as disobedience, (civil or otherwise) but we have a God who is going to save with or without me. It’s my blessing to be a part of His work. He doesn’t need me. He never did. He wants to use me. He desires to use me, but although I am valuable to Him personally, I am expendable to His Will getting done on Earth. Whether I follow Him or not, He will still one day come back to rule with an iron face. He will judge the nations. He will restore His glory and majesty on Earth as it is in Heaven. My choice is whether or not I’m going to be a part of it. Now this takes a load off me. It helps me realize that people are not going to hell because I’ve failed in my witness. It means that whether or not someone hears the gospel isn’t up to me, but if I don’t step out in faith, then I miss out on seeing what God has planned. I loved seeing people get saved. I love seeing God work in people’s lives. I work for God, not because I have to, but because I want to.

You have the same choice. You can either love God and want to serve Him, or you can love you and want to serve you. You can’t do both. This doesn’t mean you have to work at a church or teach Sunday School, (although I do both and love it) but God has something for you to do. Maybe it’s at work or school and He put you in a class or office for a specific purpose. It could be something like being there for someone who is going through a hard time and you share Christ with them. If you don’t do it, you were there for nothing, but God will have someone else go to that person because He loves him or her so much that He will do whatever it takes to get him or her the message.

Now I know what some of you Wanda’s may be thinking. If God’s going to send someone else, I’m just not going to try. It’s weird and embarrassing and uncomfortable. I’m happy to get into Heaven and sit on the grass. I don’t need the crowns or rewards and you might feel good about saying you won’t need that stuff. If that’s you, then I’m going to be bold and tell you that you are not on the path to heaven, but on the path to hell. You are not thinking of yourself in heaven because you are focused on being comfortable now. If God tells you to do something, go do it. If you don’t, God will raise another, but you won’t escape destruction. If your comfort is more important to you than doing God’s will, then comfort is your god. I wish I was wrong about this, because this means that so many people think they are Christians because they prayed and they falsely believe that they will go to heaven because they repeated words after some pastor once. But if there is no change in heart, if their comfort or their security is their god, then there is no space on the grass reserved for them in Heaven. There is only standing room in Hell. I’m not saying that you have to good works to get saved, but I am saying is that if getting saved doesn’t cause you to do good works, you may not be saved. Mordecai is telling Esther that her own life is dependent on her action here. I’m telling you that yours is too. Who do you serve?

Day Seventeen Saturday July 17th, 2010

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Day Seventeen

Saturday July 17th, 2010

When I say to the wicked, ‘You shall surely die,’ and and you give them no warning nor speak to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life, that same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. Yet if you warn the wicked, and he does not turn from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you have delivered your soul. Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and I lay a stumbling block before him, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; but his blood I will require at your hand. Nevertheless if you warn the righteous man that the righteous should not sin, and he does not sin, he shall surely live because he took warning; also you will have delivered your soul.

-Ezekiel 3:18-21

Ezekiel was made a watchman for the house of Israel. His job was to watch for danger and warn the people. But God told him plenty of times that the house of Israel was a rebellious house and would not listen. Now I can imagine that Ezekiel was a bit discouraged by that information. I would have complained to God saying, “But why should I go if they aren’t going to believe anyways?” This is a different situation from Jonah and the city of Nineveh. For one, the city of Nineveh was a foreign land, whereas Ezekiel was warning his own people. Two, Jonah knew the people of Nineveh would repent and that God would have mercy, but Ezekiel gets told up front by God that they won’t and God will make his “forehead strong against their foreheads.” (Ezekiel 3:8) Even though Ezekiel knew that the message was not going to be received, he still had the job of going to tell everyone that God wasn’t pleased.

God gives us jobs too, and our love for Him is on the line. Can you imagine Jesus saying to Ezekiel that if you love me, you will follow my commandments? This is a commandment from God and Ezekiel must follow it. It is not an easy one and it seems harsh for Ezekiel, since after hearing this command, he is now responsible for the lives of people he may not know, or maybe he knows them and doesn’t like them, or maybe he likes them and is sad that they are not obeying the Lord. So he must go to the wicked and warn them of the impending doom that God is sending (in the form of the pagan army of Babylon) judgement upon Judah, knowing that they will not repent. But he must do this to give them every chance to repent, because God does not take pleasure in the death of the wicked. He wants all men to come to repentance. God likes to make the choice simple because He wants us to have an easy choice. Life or death? But we complicate things and elevate concerns over what is simple. The Israelites in the wilderness constantly complained that they were going to die in the wilderness (and because of this complaint, they did) and would rather be slaves and live. (But of course, while they were slaves, their male children were killed as soon as they were born. (On another note, if I were evil and trying to control a population, I wouldn’t destroy the males, but the females. One male and many females can make a lot of babies, but one female and lots of males don’t. Silly Pharaoh, and he thought he was god.))

So maybe God is telling you to do something that you see as pointless. Go do it anyways. If you don’t do it, God will hold that against you. He deserves and commands your obedience. Remember that God gives every good and perfect gift (James 1:17) and He will not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11) But you don’t know what will happen. If he repents, you have gained a brother, but if he doesn’t, you have given him yet another opportunity and have shown God’s longsuffering, which we are called to show. If you pronounce judgement, like Jonah did, God may still use it, but we are not called to bring about His wrath. That’s His job. James and John got rebuked when they wanted to bring down fire from heaven. (Luke 9:55) Jonah got rebuked gently when he sat over the city waiting for its destruction, (Jonah 4) and Peter got rebuked… well… a few times, but I’m thinking of John 18 when he cut off Malchus’ ear. So we say, “Yes, Lord.” And go do the hard thing that God tells us to do. It’s good for us. I’ve told people things and they haven’t received it and I didn’t see them again for years. But then God spoke to them and brought to them our encounter and they repented. They have come up to me and apologized for the way they acted and asked for forgiveness and I gained brothers. (By that time, I had even forgotten what it was all about.) You are not responsible for their repentance. You are responsible for the message which you have to give. Once you give that message, you are freed from that responsibility.

Imagine a general loses a battle, and sends a messenger back to the king with the bad news. The messenger is afraid the king will not like the news, but he must still go before the king and report. Not giving the message would surely result in death. It’s that serious for us, but the tables are turned. We are getting a message from the King to go to the people, and we are afraid of how they will think of us. We are afraid of being thought weird or a nerd or whatever the bad things is today. We want people to like us and sometimes, we think people will like us better when we don’t talk about Jesus. And I think that we might be right. They will like us better if we don’t talk about Jesus. However, if God told us to talk about Jesus, then we should do just that. I would rather be hated by everyone and loved by God than loved by everyone and hated by God. What about you? Jesus said He came not to bring peace, but a sword. (Matthew 10:34) There will be people who don’t like us because we remind them of Jesus. If I am to be disliked here on this earth, I would want that to be the only reason. What about you?

Day Sixteen Friday July 16th, 2010

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Day Sixteen

Friday July 16th, 2010

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

-Ephesians 5:15-16

Did Paul make up a word here? I haven’t seen the word circumspectly anywhere (including Geometry) other than this passage. My guess is that it means around, but looking it up in the dictionary, it means wary or unwilling to take risks. I looked it up in the greek (akribos for you Greek geeks) and it is also translated in the Bible as diligently or perfectly. This means that we know the law, both of God and of man and we don’t want to break either if possible. When they arrested Jesus, they didn’t have an accusation to bring against Him. They couldn’t say that He peacefully resisted because He didn’t. He broke no laws. He broke molds and traditions and social barriers, but according to both the law of God and the law of man, He was blameless. Even when He was asked to pay the temple tax, He sent Peter fishing so He could pay it. And He did that so as to not offend. (Check out Matthew 17:27) We are to know what is legal for us to do and not do and obey it.

We must also redeem the time. Be wise with your time. You have the same 24 hours in your day as I have in mine. (If you have more than that, I want to talk to you.) What do you do with it? I challenge you to take a note pad and write out the hours of the day on it. Then, as you go through your day, write down what you’re doing. Do this for a week and review at the end of the week. Are you spending five hours a day watching television? Do you hang out with friends more than anything else? Work for most people takes up eight hours a day, and so does sleep, so you still have eight hours minus three for eating is five hours of free time. Where is that spent? There are only two types of things that you can do. You can either do things that will last for eternity or you can do things that won’t. I’ll let God convict you on what is what in your life, Wanda, but I will tell you this. Even if you have a completely secular job and are not even allowed to talk about Christ at the work place, that time can still be redeemed if you work for your boss just as you were working for Christ. If our God can allow a donkey to speak, (Check Numbers 22) He can share Christ through your actions and lovingkindness. There is no rule or law anywhere against lovingkindness. (At least at the jobs that I had.) They may not like Jesus, but everyone likes lovingkindness. The problem is that they don’t always know that Jesus is lovingkindness, and maybe it’s your duty to show them. Redeem your time, no matter where you are and no matter what you’re doing. The days are evil, but God is good. And one day soon and very soon, we’re going to see our King.

Day Fifteen Thursday July 15th, 2010

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Day Fifteen
Thursday July 15th, 2010

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

-Galatians 2:20

When I was a child I had a high annoying voice. (I’ve seen video.) I wore bright blue sweat pants and a bright blue sweatshirt to school. (In my defense, it was the eighties.) I played with G.I. Joe’s and built cities for them in my room out of old shoeboxes. I would watch Pee Wee Herman and get excited when the Disney Channel had a free preview weekend. I don’t really do any of those things anymore. If you went looking for that Jonathan, you wouldn’t find him because he doesn’t exist. Now I’m not going to make the case that my fashion improved, but it’s different. I graduated school, my toys are somewhere above my parent’s garage, (I think) and I gave up watching television a few years ago. I don’t even own one. (One of the better decisions I’ve made, but that’s a different topic.) That Jonathan died to give birth the adult version. Well… adolescence is a tough birth. But as a caterpillar changes into a butterfly, a child changes into an adult. (You may think I’m stretching the comparison a bit far, but I’m sure parent’s of teenagers will agree that their teens are about as responsive to them as if they were in cocoons. If your not sure, go try suggesting to your teen to do the dishes.)
In the same way, I’ve changed as an adult when I decided to follow Jesus. Now I made that decision when I was 18, so I wasn’t an adult for very long, and even that is arguable. But when I did, I changed on the inside. Things I didn’t think were that bad before were actually bad. I didn’t think they were that bad because I didn’t think anyone was watching or was hurt. But I was wrong. Every act of sin (imperfection in attitude towards God and others) hurts someone. Sometimes, it’s just God and me, but that’s enough for me to realize that it’s wrong. However, most of the time, others are hurt by it too. And there were things that I didn’t even know were bad, but I was doing them anyway. And then there were things that I thought were good, but they weren’t. They were bad. That was only part of the change. I also learned about things that were good and why they were good. I learned that doing good things aren’t always free and the best things cost the most. The absolute best thing for me is to go to heaven and that cost Jesus His life. And if He died for me, I should die for Him. So I did. I died. The me that was living for myself and the pleasures of this world has died. No funeral. No grave. Just dead. There were no good old days where I would sin care free and conviction-less to remember and remorse over. It was sin. It was selfish and needed to die. And when I gave my life to Christ, then His body counted for me and the sins that I committed hung on that cross that frightfully glorious day. I am no longer the sinful Jonathan that once existed, but I’m a new creation. I still make mistakes. I’m not yet perfect. I can still hurt people and I usually do it unknowingly now, but I’m getting better. The change is from the inside out and at my core is the Holy Spirit. I’ve decided to step aside in my own life and let God take control. I want to do what He says and when I’m calling Him “Lord,” I’m really calling him “boss” or “Master.” And all that means is that I do what He says. I read the Bible and if it says to do something that I’m not doing, I do it. If it says to not do something that I am doing, I stop doing it. I pray and ask God to lead me and then I follow. The selfish me is dead and this new me is alive and growing. Now I may still look like the old me. You may not be able to tell the difference, but one day, the inside will break free from this cocoon and you will see me glorious and perfect. I know this because I have faith that God will one day complete His work in me. I’ll have a new physical body made in the image of God and a new name and I can’t wait. But for now, as I live in this flesh, I live it in faith that Jesus will one day complete His work. He loved me so much to promise this good work to me. He paid His life to do it. I believe it.
(Okay, I admit this day is a bit confusing, but maybe it’s easier to understand the verse than to understand my explanation. I know what I said, and it helped me to say it. Just like sometimes when I do bad, I hurt only God and me, well… the opposite is also true. Sometimes when I do something good, it only brings joy to His face and understanding to my spirit. Kinda like talking in tongues. Check out 1 Corinthians 14:6-19 for tongues and John 14:26 for an explanation for both the Galatians verse and the 1 Corinthians verse. If you still don’t get it, go read James 1:5-8. If that doesn’t help, I’m sorry, but I can’t explain it to you. Matthew 7:6, Matthew 11:15)

Day Fourteen Wednesday July 14th, 2010

2010-07-15T03:55:00.001-07:00

Day Fourteen
Wednesday July 14th, 2010

Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; but exhort one another daily while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

-Hebrews 3:12-13

Earthly wisdom tells us to follow our hearts. It’s the theme of movies and career changes and not a lot of people argue with that advise. But I remember Jr. High and High School. Following my heart then only got me into trouble. If I let my heart lead, it often wound up broken. In the book of Jeremiah that “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? I, the Lord, search the hear, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)
If you are always going to go after what makes you feel good, you’re never going to get it, even if you get it. There’s this lie that the devil has been telling for a long time. The American proverb of it is, “the grass is always greener on the other side.” The lie is the god of pleasure. The devil tells us that if we can only get this thing, if we can only do this task, if we can only… then we will feel good. It worked with Eve in the garden, it has translated into the American dream today. If only you work hard and make money, you can move from the poorest of poor to the richest of rich. This is the land of opportunity. You need to help yourself before others will help you. You need to love yourself before you can love others. All these are the different versions of the same lie. They are the lie of an evil heart. An evil heart does not want to believe in God because Jesus says, “pick up your cross and follow me.” (Check out Matthew 16:24) An evil heart is looking for rewards in this lifetime, not the next.
There are lots of “religions” that say you can follow Jesus and still have what you want. They appeal to a large number of people and, especially in the United States, people are becoming consumers of religion instead of being consumed by the Holy Spirit. They act like customers. They expect the church to provide programs where they can meet their spouse or have someone teach their kids how to behave and mind their parents and the payment the church receives is attendance and tithe money. If this church makes them feel guilty, they go find one that’s more “seeker friendly.”
I am ashamed to call myself an American when I see this happening. I have been taught in school that the best type of society is a capitalistic one, but the only “good” government I see in the Bible is the one where people follow God as the king… and that one hasn’t quite happened yet, but it will. I’m not saying that we must make everyone a Christian, (although I would love for that to be true) but I am saying that there is too much world in Christianity today. Instead of following Christ, we decide to follow the world in the name of Christ. We just see what the world does and make our own “Christian” version. Beware of this. It’s the lie that allows you to feel good and not feel guilty about it. It’s your evil heart and that is creating an unbelief in God. God is no longer God, but a banner you wave. You hold debates and concerts that are much like worldly debates and concerts except with no swearing or sex talk. It’s like the best Christians can do is create a PG version of the world. If you believe that, they you are selling yourself short. If anyone who knows me misses the rapture, I want that person to know why I’m gone and he or she is not. I want that to be because I’ve shared with them what is coming and I’ve lived my life in a way where they know that I believe it. My work is not for this world, but for the next. I’m working to give as much opportunity as I can for people to hear the calling of God on their lives and act on it. I must do that “Today” because by tomorrow, I might be gone. And you would be here, Wanda, wishing you did more than add Christianity to your life, but that you had added your life to the body of Christ.
Heaven is real. Hell is real. They both last forever. I know that I’m going to Heaven. I’m sure of it. I know it’s not how much money I have or how nice of a car I drive or how many kids I have. It’s how much I trust God. It’s like I’m on a sinking boat and He’s a life raft. I can jump over board to be rescued by Him, or I can go down with the ship. There’s no half way. I can’t stay with the ship and expect Him to pick me up once it goes down.
So as long as you have a choice, choose Christ. Choose Him today. If you died today, would you go to Heaven? Are you sure? If you say, Yes, and I hope you can, does whatever it is you do all day (for work, after work, on weekends) have any effect in eternity? Compared to the next life (in Heaven or Hell) this life is so short, but it’s so important. In the short 70 something years most people live, they make the decision on where they will spend the rest of eternity. You can’t go looking around for the best deal. There is only one deal. It cost Jesus His life to offer it to you. He asked His father, “If there was any other way,” and the Father still sent Him to the cross. There is no other way. There are different types of churches in every town, but God didn’t tell you to join a church. (I still recommend finding one that teaches the Bible.) He wants you to believe in Him and what He already did on the cross. As long as it is still today, make that decision to follow Him. You may not have tomorrow.

Day Thirteen Tuesday July 13th, 2010

2010-07-14T03:23:00.000-07:00

Day Thirteen
Tuesday July 13th, 2010

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits. And in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning - Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.

-Psalm 130:5-6

Our time is not God’s time. Truth comes, and our hope does prove well placed, but until it manifests, we have nothing to go on but faith. In faith the night watchman waits for the morning. He knows it will come, and he just has to wait through the night. Us too, when things look tough, must wait a little longer. Our hope is the promise of morning, Romans 13:12 says, “The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.”
We may think or even call God unfair sometimes because of what we see, but we must always remember that what we see isn’t the end of it. There will be a final judgement and justice will be delivered. Also, I think a lot of what we call unfair is merely disappointment, because we expect something to happen one way, and it doesn’t. But to that, we must wait on the Lord. We must hope in the Word of God who says that the day is near and we will soon see our King. The Bible calls this life a vapor.
We’ve been waiting a long time. It doesn’t always seem like things are getting better, but we must have faith. Matthew 25:13 says, “Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming.” We must wait on the Lord and trust His Word. Read the whole of chapter 25 for illustrations of waiting on the Lord. In Romans 8, all creation groans for the return of the King and we Christians groan also in our spirits for His return when we see injustice. But we must also keep in mind that if we received justice and not mercy, we would want the Lord to wait. We must wait so that those who have not yet obtained mercy have every opportunity to receive it. To the Lord, a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day. For me, it seems sometimes that an hour is an eternity and a week passes by too quickly.
I’m always warned against asking God for patience, but I know I need it and ask for it anyway.
Lord, please give me patience and help me to rejoice in trials. Let me trust You when things don’t look the way I thought they would. My feelings change. My ideas change. My desires change. But Your Word is everlasting. Help me wait on You, Lord. I know that it’s worth the wait. I love You, Lord. In Your Name I pray, Jesus. Amen

Day Twelve Monday July 12th, 2010

2010-07-13T04:02:00.000-07:00

Day Twelve
Monday July 12th, 2010

If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.

-Daniel 3:17-18

If you are unclear of this story, Wanda, let me summarize what has happened until this point:
The land of Israel has already divided into two kingdoms. The Northern kingdom, Israel, was carried away by Assyria a long time ago. The southern kingdom, Judah, watched it happen, but did not repent of the same sins, so they were overcome and taken captive by King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon. King Nebbie (as I like to call him) took the best and the brightest youth of the kingdom and had them serve in his court. (He made them Eunuchs, but that’s not important to the story.) Among these were Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. These four would not eat from the kings tables because the food the king ate (probably sacrificed to idols and included unclean food such as pork and shellfish) was not allowed in the Law of Moses. Instead, they asked for just vegetables and water and became stronger and smarter than those who ate well. (It is a strong argument for becoming a vegetarian, but Jesus told Peter to Rise, kill, and eat in Acts 10 and I’m claiming that one for Meataterians.) King Nebbie had a dream about a statues made of many different metals and Daniel told him what it meant. King Nebbie, however, didn’t like the interpretation and made himself a statue of gold, from the head down to the feet in an act of defiance against God. (I don’t recommend defying God, He’s going to spank you.) He commanded that everyone bow down and worship the statue when they hear music, but Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah (Renamed Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego) would not. I don’t know what Daniel was doing. It doesn’t seem like him to bow down to the statue, but he isn’t mentioned as resisting like these three. It has been suggested that he was out of town at this time on the King’s business. He was in charge of a lot after King Nebbie discovered that he was wise enough to interpret dreams. (Although Daniel says that the dream and interpretation comes from God, most worldly people disregard statements like that as foolish Christian talk… or in Daniel’s case, foolish Israelite talk.) So these three will not bow down and face the punishment; to be thrown into a fiery furnace. The King gives them another chance, and the scripture above is their reply.
I love this scripture because although they believe that God can save, they are also okay if He doesn’t. If they die in the furnace, they know that they will go to Abraham’s Bosom. (At that time, before Jesus died on the cross, people who died believing that He would come and die went to a place called Abraham’s Bosom where they waited until Jesus goes and brings them to Heaven. It’s kind of a VIP waiting room for the faithful. Luke 16) Do we have that kind of faith? Can we say that we know God can save, but even if He chooses not to, we’re still going to do what we know is right. That means that we value truth and good more than our very lives.
Now also notice in the book of Daniel as to how the four resisted King Nebbie. They always respected him and told him that they must follow God, and each time, they expected the punishment or for God to save them. Like Jesus in the wilderness, they weren’t going to use their own cleverness to get them out of trouble. I think that if we are going to oppose the government today because we don’t like what the government is doing, we must go about the same way that these four do. They are willing to get arrested and sentenced and are trusting God with their fate. And because of that, King Nebbie always sides with them afterwards and has their enemies killed. (Most of the time, the four had enemies that tricked King Nebbie into making some strange law or other.
Romans 13:1 says to respect authorities. They have been placed their by God. I think God picks authorities to remind us what is in our hearts. Saul was the first king of Israel, but he wasn’t a good one. He did, however, represent to the people that they were imitators and cowards and selfish. I think our criticisms of our current President (whomever he is at the time of the complaint) reflect God’s criticisms of our hearts. If you got something bad to say about our President, I would first stop to think if you could be accused of the same thing. Even if only in your thoughts.
I want to be a man who stands on God’s Word, no matter what. I also think that we should follow the rules of our government. Some would say that I wasn’t a patriot because the founding fathers rebelled and started the United States. If I lived back then, I would probably have preached peace under British rule instead of fighting, since we have only our fleshly lives to spend here on earth and eternity with Jesus in Heaven. I am a patriot. I love my country and my homeland very much. The United States is nice too, and I enjoy the visit I have here, but my real home is in Heaven. Until I go, I’m going to respect the government I am under, cheer for our soldiers to do their jobs, pray for the people who make and enforce, and judge the laws of our country and try to live in peace as much as I can. The only thing I won’t compromise for that peace is the Word of God. If the Word of God becomes illegal to preach, own, possess, or read, I will do all those (probably openly) and be okay with getting arrested. I would trust in Jesus to either rescue me or take me home or lead me to continue my work from behind bars. (They can take the Written Word of God from me, but not all of it. As long as it is legal, I am hiding it, bit by bit, in my heart and they’ll have to kill me to get it, but by then, I won’t need it there anymore since I’ll be in heaven with Jesus. Okay, Wanda, so I realize that I’m making some bold statements here and it’s totally possible that I’ll chicken out, but if it happens, and I chicken out, it is your job to remind me of what I said and keep me accountable. Jesus says, “Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 10:32. I don’t want to be denied by Jesus, so if you catch me denying Him, remind me please while I still have time to repent. Thanks, Wanda. I knew I could count on you.

Day Eleven Sunday July 11th, 2010

2010-07-12T02:57:00.001-07:00

Day Eleven
Sunday July 11th, 2010

These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God
-1 John 5:13

John is clear in his intentions. His purpose is to give us reason to believe in the name of the Son of God, that is Jesus. Am I this purposeful in my intentions? Do I come right out and say what I want you to know? And is my message as good as the message John gives? When I am teaching, it is definitely my intention to introduce Christ to those who don’t know Him and to deepen the relationship for anyone who does, but how often do I come out and say that it’s what I’m trying to do? Maybe I need to do it more. It is my desire that everyone I meet come to believe in Jesus and I want them all to have eternal life. I know I don’t always live out that desire and I’m not that great at expressing it, but I really do want that. It is, as John says, a continual belief. I must keep on believing that Jesus is trustworthy and I need to keep choosing Him.
Let’s pretend that I’m rich, and I rent out Disney World in Florida, or even bought it. I also bought a bunch of busses to bus all my friends from California to Florida in the best road trip ever. I have some friends who live in states along the way, so I would have my caravan (Or is it carabus?) pick them up as we go. Now, for all my friends here in California, they might believe that I’m rich because I’ve shown them the Benjamin’s or made grand purchases without having to beat down creditors, but unless they believe in my goodness and generosity, even if they wanted to go to Disney World, but they wouldn’t get on the bus, then they wouldn’t get to go, would they? In the same way, we can believe that God exists and even believe that He is good and the Bible is true, but if we never step out in faith, it’s like not getting on the bus in the first place. Also, if my friends from California got on the bus, but along the way, got tired of the days and the stops, and got off along the way, then they wouldn’t never make it. In fact, they would be worse off because they are no longer even where they started. In the same way, Christians, we must make a continual choice to stay on the bus. Stay in the will of God and let Him take you. The moment you decide that you want to make your own decisions is when you step off the bus, and unless you get back on, you’re not going to heaven. Do not let pride deceive you and rob you of the blessing of not being in charge. If God is in charge, my biggest worry is staying on the bus, knowing that God will provide the rest. However, if I get off the bus, then I’m worried about where I’ll sleep and what I’ll eat. The desert is a lonely place to shop, and there’s a lot of it between here and heaven. You have a choice, either stay on the bus where the desert is a place you are touring, or get off the bus and make it a place where you live. Currently, I’m in the world. I eat the food here, I breathe the air, I spend it’s money. But one day, I’m going home, and I’m going to leave this world far behind. I won’t miss it, because home is better. I’m here to do a job. I’m here to tell people about who Jesus is and to build their relationships with their loving Savior. It’s my prayer, Wanda, that you will continue to choose Jesus and if you haven’t chosen Him yet, please let me know so I can talk to you about him. You may email me at me@jonathandow.com
Come on and get on the bus. The desert is hot and the buss has air conditioning. (Philippians 4:7)